Jehovahs witnesses
I found on the weekend that they don't like the following questions.

1. So, on what day of the week did God create the dinosaurs?
2. The truth you say. What physical evidence do you have that your bible is in fact "the truth"?
3. Is says in the bible that Lot's wife was changed into a pillar of salt. Could you please explain the chemical processes that she went through as I don't believe it is physically and chemically possible?
4. As only 144,000 can get into heaven, wouldn't converting me, a top salesman, make it less likely statistically that you will enter heaven?
5. Why do you wear those leather gloves?
6. Would you mind if I shat out of the upstairs window while you wait here underneath?

Please feel free to add a few suggestions for me to try..
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 18:02, 13 replies)

Hmm
If Jesus was Jewish, doesn't that mean the true religion is Judaism?
(The_Reaper, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 18:13, closed)

I can answer your questions
1. phlemsday
2. They were witnesses so someone must have seen it
3. ...I'll explain that if you can explain spiderman and time travel
4. You're already going to hell for asking these questions
5. Its cold standing outside all night
6. I dont think theyre into that kind of thing...


Done.
(i should have joined myspace, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 18:16, closed)

Question six
...for the clicky
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 18:20, closed)

my favourite
from rousseau:
if god is omniscient (he has seen everything that ever was and is), omnipotent (he has absolute power), and benevolent (or malevolent, whichever you prefer), then presumably he has already foreseen / acted in any circumstances that can and will ever arise.
if so: what the fuck does he do all day?
( the brass moustache putting the ass moust in brache since, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 19:27, closed)

I scared some Jehovahs witnesses away during my study leave.
JW: "We'd like to talk to you about the bible"
Me: "Actually, I've read the bible" (To placate my mum when I told her I was Wiccan).
JW: *surprised looks - obviously this was a first* "Well, what did you think of it?" *hopeful*
Me: Wasn't impressed to be honest.

I then went on to explain paganism to them and contradict everything they said.
JW: "God is a loving, benevolent God"
Me: "O really? He seemed to do an awful lot of smiting for no reason in the old testament."

After that, they were quite eager to leave me to my revision. Probably thought I was in the middle of sacrificing a baby or something.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 20:23, closed)

What about Mormons? How do you prank/get rid of them?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 6 Nov 2008, 20:58, closed)

I'm nearly alway disappointed
In that I have never had the Jehova's witnesses knock when I'm in. I say disappointed because I studied philosophy for 2 years at A level - I was told that I could get in to study it at Oxford or Cambridge. I chose not to due to lack of job prospects, but it does mean that as we specialised in philosphy of religion, I know every major argument and counter-argument going back about 2500 years...

I did have a good moment a few years back though.

The mormons came by as I was making something in the garage - I was covered in sawdust with a lump hammer in one hand, a saw in the other and a crazed look in my eye.

They left. Quickly.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 22:21, closed)

Ask them
How many Jehova's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let them wait for the punchline, then ask them again.

'Seriously, how many does it take?'

I'm so bored :(
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 11:11, closed)

Inspired by this
I'm going to go the cinema tonight to watch the new Bond film and spend the entire film shouting "it's not real, you know?"...
(ScousersPet, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 12:22, closed)

Answers - mostly in books, depends on who knocks on your door.
1. Any day before the humans. Probably to tread the soil - I don't know.
2. The Bible is physical enough - long before e-books.
3. Two ways - she either was replaced for a pillar of salt, or reduced to the salt content of the body (though, not so much pillar than a packet).
4. 144,000 select few go to heaven, to rule over everyone else who live on the earth (note: same earth, but after a good spring clean).
5. Motorcyclist?
6. Said yes, because the bloke who reads the meter is walking up your drive - don't think he's seen you yet. Waiting underneath - from a distance.


As for Mormons? Point them to a JW. Kinda feel sorry for the Mormon though.
(FunOnABun Smears lard on you!, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 16:54, closed)

Not a question, but could be informative.
Invite them in and have a nice chat for a while, then say something like "That's odd, your lips are turning blue... Oh no! the boiler has broken down again and has been pumping out carbon monoxide! Don't worry though, as long as we get emergency blood transfusions to replace the damaged blood within the next 15 minutes we will be fine. I'll get my coat."

This way you can find out how deep their faith is.
(Prof. Moriarty put his foot in it on, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 17:49, closed)

One easy question gets rid of them
Will you circumsise me yourself?
(alboyalex, Sun 9 Nov 2008, 1:53, closed)

might be dull, but...
I've always found simply telling them 'No thank you, I don't want to be saved.' to be extremely effective.
(Poezestrepe, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:43, closed)