Get Rich QuickJabboy contacted us because he's skint. So what have you done to make money fast? Did you actually make anything, or were you just ripped off by someone who really was getting rich quick? Did you have to sell your soul?
PS. Jabboy is available for rent on 0870 88673242
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chthonic, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 16:57)
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create a religiona. The L Ron Hubbard method
1.Travel to the east and rip off obscure buddhist texts and psychiatry papers from the 1930s that you're sure the average joe would never read
2.Invent a colourful backstory for yourself
3. publish your discoveries on your 'years of investigating the human condition' in local sci-fi journal
4. get religious status to avoid paying the IRS
5. only reveal the more outlandish aspects of your religion after a lengthy period of indoctrination (OT3 after approx 15years and a few grand) - and never in the books
6. recruit pint sized movie star to jump on Oprah's furniture
7. profit
b.The Vatican method
1. invent a religion in 325ad plagerising previous myths
2. burn, torture, murder and confiscate the wealth, property and chattel of anyone that disagrees with you and supress individual or scientific thought for approx 1,500 years
3. Post reformation get Ignatius Loyola to start the Jesuits to counter it
4. get your huge banking industry to create the fed reserve (via JP Morgan/Rothchilds etc) and work towards your central banking model whilst using the pretence that your huge geo-political organisation is a 'religion' and the numerous Jesuit college trained members of the CFR and RIFA
5.sign concordants with fascist regimes
6.kiss tarmac when you hit the airport (optional)
7. get jiggy with the altar boys (compulsory)
8. profit
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 11:11, 24 replies)
I misread"2. burn, torture, murder... "
as
bum, torture, murder...
Being born Catholic of course I hardly batted an eyelid til second read.
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 11:15, closed)
@Al and EnzymeYou've got to admire his tenacity...he never gives up posting that crap.
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girlinthehole, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 11:36,
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@BGB -Sadly, you're right.
Once again, my big dictionary is at home. Still: the etymology of "bank" in the financial sense is "banca" - meaning "bench", in reference to the benches that the mercants in Venice, Naples etc used to use. I'm not sure about the derivation of "bank" in the fluvial sense - but I don't expect it to be related. And even if I'm wrong - I don't see that that matters. An etymological link doesn't tell us anything important.
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Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 11:39,
closed)
Tinfoil hatsTis proper the CIA did the Twin Towers stuff this week isn't it...
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 11:42, closed)
mind youthe vatican method is becoming quit pop'lar among chinese and muslims alike.
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 11:55, closed)
re: the etymology of 'bank'The Internet will tell us!
bank (2)
"earthen incline, edge of a river," c.1200, probably in O.E.[ Old English ], from O.N. [ Old Norse ] banki, from P.Gmc [ Proto-Germanic ]. *bangkon "slope," cognate with P.Gmc. *bankiz "shelf."
Source (abbreviations explained here)
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reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 12:08,
closed)
You forgot...Create a religion...part C
1. Have a lovely wank.
2. Encourage others to do the same on a Wednesday.
3. Erm - that's it.
Now I'm not sure about your methods A & B as I left my tinfoil hat at home, but I am a fully signed up member of religion C...and it's great!
Mind you, I don't think CHCB has made too much profit out of it...just cheered a few people up.
Perhaps if you joined it could take your mind off conspiracy theories for a bit...
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 6 Aug 2008, 12:36,
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I like pooflakes religion.I will now ensure I hit the jackpot every wednesday as a matter of faith. What day is it today? Ahh its Wednesday!! I'll be back in 10 minutes Im off to church :)
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 14:04, closed)
Pooflakes intuition is dead oncatholic religion is 90% wank and cock anyway
why do you think it's called a Seminary? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seminary - Priest school is derived from semen - go figure
Christ comes from Kristos - which means oil - or 'annointed one' as in 'annointed with oil'
it comes from the practice of annointing the Pharohs cock with oil as he wanks into the Nile to promote fertility
also the black cap(motar board) and gown worn when you graduate is der...
...ah fuck it
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 14:11, closed)
"Priest school is derived from semen "Ultimately true perhaps but only given that semen means 'seed' in its literal sense, a seminarium being somewhere that plants were grown.
Your tortured etymological conspiracies are amusing, but ultimately make you look like a bit of an idiot (which you can take for its modern connotation, or its older sense meaning "uneducated or ignorant person").
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reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 14:57,
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@reallywitty...Or its still older sense - the Greek literally means "one who goes his own way".
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Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 15:00,
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reallywittynameyep, 'semen' from 'seed', I don't remember saying it wasn't?
and the Christ/Kristos stuff I mentioned?
;)
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 15:14, closed)
@miggyman...I didn't invent that religion. I just happened to be a small part of it's creation along with Enzyme, Bertmonkeysex, BGB, Kaol and quite a few others
But you've really got crackhouseceilidhband to thank. She's the one who brought the happy act of flicking her bean public to create Wanking Wednesday on these esteemed pages.
Even now...whenever I can...I still 'worship at the temple of tossing' every Wednesday if you know what I mean...
*says 'Fnarr'*
*Laughs like Sid James*
*Salutes like Benny hill*
*etc*
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 6 Aug 2008, 15:33,
closed)
@GoatThe implication of what you said (given the 'wank and cock ' comment) was that the origin of the word 'seminary' had something to do with the modern connotation of semen, rather than its more general original sense.
As for the 'Christ' stuff...well you're right about it meaning 'anointed' (or more specifically, 'the lord's anointed') but as for the link to spluffing into the Nile...I'm not even sure what you're implying. The act of anointing with oil or fat has been used in the religious rites of various cultures to represent the transference of power from a divinity. If your story is true, it's more likely the two had a common root than that there is a direct relation -- or simply that the Pharaoh needed a bit of lubrication to get himself off.
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reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 15:34,
closed)
reallywittynamepffft - if you're going to be a pedantic arsehole you could at least try to be a good one
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 15:56, closed)
Oh, I'm sorryI didn't meet your stringent standards for pedantry and arseholishness. I realise now that I'm dealing with a master, how could I hope to measure up?
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reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 16:10,
closed)
damn!well that certainly threw an apple in my berry basket!
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 16:20, closed)
@GoatApple in your cherry basket? What?
Also, Goat, if I was going to take over the world with some shadowy conspiracy I could have done it faster single-handedly than you're suggesting numbers of families and organisations have managed to almost achieve something that may be close enough to world government to set off alarm bells in your head. Well, assuming I was alive for that whole duration, anyway.
This is where so, so many conspiracy theories fall down; they could be so, so much further on if effected correctly. So we're being ruled by morons OR there's no conspiracy- and as morons would only really get in through a democratic system (anyone else would notice the risk to themselves and intercede) that sort of suggests that there's no overall conspiracy.
I would give you leeway in thinking that groups and people want more power and will manipualte others to get it. But thousands of years old conspiracies are just ridiculous.
---
On the subject of a wanking religion- the ancient Egyptions believed that the whole universe was essentially spunked into existance by one of their Gods. Horus maybe.
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uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 17:51,
closed)
@bazmorningstarJust a point to note:
You weren't born Catholic. You were (I'm guessing) a child of Catholic parents :)
(, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 19:34, closed)
Sod the tinfoilI'm getting my next hat made out of lead.
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idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 6 Aug 2008, 19:48,
closed)
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