Roll up, Roll up!

Pooflake Independent Traders ltd is proud to present:

*drumroll*

The ‘When is the fucking QOTW going to change this week?’ super-deluxe-mega-tastic fun-fun-fun sweep stake!

Simply deposit your £1.50* in my paypal account and you'll be able to place your bet.

Our dead clever computer system thingemybob will process your punt and the lucky winner could receive anything up to seventeen (yes that’s right, seventeen!) whole English pounds!!!*

£££££ SIGN UP NOW!!! £££££

Current odds:

Before 10am: 10000/1 (aka not a cunting black forest gateaux’s chance in Fern Britton’s dressing room)
10am – 11am: 75/1
11:01am – 12pm: 50/1
12:01pm – 1pm: 25/1
1:01pm – 2pm: 10/1
2:01pm – 3pm: 5/1
After 3:01pm – 7/2f

I’m also taking outside bets on:

‘They’ll probably forget again like they did last week and it will be about 6 O’bastard clock at night before it changes…by which time I’ll be back home and I’ll miss the whole spacking thing’ – evens

and: ‘ ‘I don’t give a badger’s bell-end when it changes, as long as it happens before I knack my keyboard by repeatedly pressing F5’ – 3/1

Also proving very popular is: ‘The very second I go for a piss / dump / get called to a meeting’ - 75/1

Only really clever and sexy people will have the pure blatant brilliant-ness to realise that this is a once in a week lifetime opportunity!

Just take a look at what some of our past munters punters have to say:

“I thought it would be another one of those ‘scam’ things I hear so much about, so I felt a proper twat when I won first prize” - Ethel, Droitwich

“As soon as I placed my bet I immediately became more attractive to laydees and my cock grew by 4 inches” - Barry, Doncaster

So give me your money before this incredible offer runs out! (actually, you’ll probably have loads of time)

WIN WIN WIN, LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY, FUN FUN FUN, not at all exploitation etc.



Disclaimer@Fireflier – you’re not allowed to lay the odds on betfair *winks*

* taking into account administration fees, booking costs, wanker tax, and the very likely possibility that I will just take your cash and spunk it all away on frivolous items.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:37, 13 replies)

Nice one!

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:42, closed)

I shall
purchase my free bet as you have used my name in your advertising.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:50, closed)

Damnit!
Thought I was onto a good thing there...

Of course you could always open a second market on who'll be first for the next one (mods excluded)? Would those with the itchy F5 fingers be willing to stake their reputations on their lightning fast reflexes?

Edit - if you're wondering what he's referring to re: me - have a look at this
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:51, closed)

Excellent!
But I have a cunning plan! :)

pooflake - Im placing a £10,000 bet for it to change before 10am.

As I am in California theres a damn good chance it will be changed before 10am woo hoo!!!


Sorry mate, you never stated a timezone :P

Im gonna be so rich so rich so rich :)
(Miggyman, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:57, closed)

@miggyman...

CURSES!

You see, this is why I never get aywhere in life.

bloody small print eh?

Ah well...

*puts house up for sale*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:59, closed)

Um
Can I have odds on apathy please?

:)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:08, closed)

"ethel from droitwich"
Droitwich is a byword for the ass end of provincial surburbia populated by small-minded mongs isn't it? Please back me up on that because I live in the place and am frequently trying to point out to fellow denizens that the rest of the UK is laughing at us. I'm sure Droitwich has a certain cachet for watchers of many TV sitcoms, and that people all over the land shudder at the idea of getting off the M5 between Bromsgrove and Worcester. Apparently the scriptwriter of "Dawn of the dead" got a lot of his ideas from living here.

And take it from me, this town is crap.
(lost, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:15, closed)

@JTW
Nah, can't be bothered.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:17, closed)

It's been so long since I was last here
I forgot what day the QOTW changes; is it Thursday or Friday?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:26, closed)

You get a click
for the Fern Britton remark :)

What odds will you give me that this is at the top of "Best" by the time it changes?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:28, closed)

I feel somewhat responsible here
Just a month or so ago, a naive and innocent Pooflake was protesting to me that he didn't want anything to do with those nasty bookmakers.

Now look at him! Welcome to the dark side my young apprentice...

* wheezes *
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:33, closed)

@'Prone
Nice to see you back!

In theory, it's a Thursday morning. In practice... well: I suppose it's still Thursday morning in some parts of the world.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:33, closed)

*places bet*
*wins*

Hee hee.
( chthonic, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 10:47, closed)