Cars with fricking laserbeams
When I'm driving along the motorway sometimes I imagine that other cars I'm overtaking have invisible laser beams shooting out of their wheels and I have to leap my car, Dukes of Hazzard style, over theirs or the lasers will blow out my tyres and I'll crash.
(bigjonnydynamite, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 6:40, 4 replies)

Super Happy Lucky Number! In Quiet Street!
More of an in-joke than a bizarre habit, I guess.

I studied Mandarin Chinese at school. It was great fun, but other than some politely baffled smiles from my local takeaway staff, it has availed me naught.

Fast forward several years to when Hubby and I are looking to buy a house. One of the neighbourhoods we had our eye on, had a high population of Chinese residents. Lovely, they make great neighbours.

The Engrish in some of their 'For Sale' ads in the newspaper was just magic. My favourite was the title of this piece; "Super Happy Lucky Number! In Quiet Street!" After I'd picked myself up off the floor and fetched a mop, I had to explain the joke to Hubby. Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then we'll begin.

Numerology is very important to many south east Asian cultures, particularly to the Chinese. 4 is super dooper bad. It is pronounced the same as the word for death. There is no 4th or 14th floor in any Chinese owned building, just as there is no 13th floor in most Western buildings. The number 8, however, is just lovely. It sounds like the word for prosperity. Therefore, to a Chinese person, an auspicious house number is much more important than, say, the number of bedrooms and bathrooms.

So many years later, at tea with the in-laws, the father-in-law was reading the paper and announced, "Look here, the Beijing Olympics is starting on the 8th of the 8th, 2008."

Hubby and I looked at each other and loudly declared "Super Happy Lucky Number, in Quiet Street!"
(Que?, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 6:10, 2 replies)

Scratch me raw
If undertaking a new endeavour, just for luck, I am compelled to give myself a chicken scratch on the forearm. Either that or I dead-leg myself.
(catflap I went out with Nicholas Parsons, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 6:00, Reply)

OCD
If I start the day with a game of Spider Solitaire:

Getting all the black suits, then all the red means it will be an awesome day, red/black, really good day, 2 red/2 black(rpt) or vice versa better day, red/black/red/black/red/black/red/black (or vice versa) good day, random red/black out shitty day, cant win, sicky pulled, go back to bed, pull covers over my head.

So now I don't play Spider in case I fuck my day up.

I need help.....
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 4:52, 1 reply)

I can't stand to see a telephone cord all twisted round like a bastardised DNA helix
I have to disconnect the receiver and let the cord untangle itself, then plug it back in to the body of the phone. I've yet to do it while somebody's making a call, but give it time.
(Zachariah Pardon, pardon. J'AI UNE POUSSETTE, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 4:29, 5 replies)

Going to the toilet whenever Snoop Dogg is there.
(I mean just generally physically there; I don't mean 'there in the toilet'.)

I went to Wireless Fest yesterday to see 2manydjs. Before them, Snoop Dogg performed on the main stage. 20 minutes before his set was due to end, I decided to go and have a wee to be super-sure I wouldn't need to go while 2manydjs were on. (Better to do it then; if you wait until a set ends there's a mass exodus to the loos while the roadies get the next act's setup ready. Use this time to get a good place at the front of the stage instead).

The last time I saw Snoop Dogg live was at Live8. I had to do a poo while he was performing. So there you go; whenever Snoop Dogg's performing live in front of me, I go and do a toilet.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 1:59, 2 replies)

Repost: Mileometer stuff
I love mileometer stuff
I hate it when people reset my trip counter, as I have carefully set it to 000.0 at the exact moment that the main mileometer reached a multiple of 1000. This gives fun things like 03333 (333.3) and 007007 (007.0). Yeah, sad.

However, this habit allowed me, not too long ago [Edit for RP: now about 27000 miles ago], to watch the mileometer in my battered old Ford Puma to go from 99999 (999.9) to 00000 (000.0), half-way up the M11.

I was smugly happy for the rest of the day, and now that I come to think back, I'm still smugly happy now.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 0:26, 8 replies)

Maybe it's a fallback from being in the RAF in a block
I'll always wipe down the toilet seat in case that some sweaty unhygenic twat was there before me...

That and I masturbate VERY quietly
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 0:14, 3 replies)

Pt. 2
When looking @ the clock and it's 11:11 or maybe 2:22, I feel superb. It's especially satisfying when the seconds match up on a digital clock as well. E.g: 11:11 11.
Damn. This qotw makes me feel like a nut. :o More to come...
(NancyycnaN Wðñ'† ¥ðµ §hðw §ðmê ¢l姧?, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 0:06, 3 replies)

It goes knives, forks, spoons....
...according to my friend. Except that it doesn't. It never does! The trays in the cutlery drawer *must* go forks, knives, spoons - no other way makes sense. Teaspoons underneath and any other random utensils arranged to the side.

When moving in with former housemates there was a brief skirmish over cultlery positioning. One innocent soul foolishly tried it on with spoons, knives, forks (new one to me) but soon found themselves giving way gracefully. As a house, we breathed a collective sigh and moved on to the long-held standoff of whether marmite/ketchup/peanutbutter belong in the fridge, the cupboard or as near the TV as possible.
(treaclebriggs, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 0:02, 11 replies)

A vast multitude... but I shall start with three.
1.) I never EVER split poles.
2.) When drinkin from a can, I suck out the remaining from the little lip because I know that the last bit is always 'the spit part'.
3.) I play a game where when you play it, you lose. Btw, you just lost the Game.
(NancyycnaN Wðñ'† ¥ðµ §hðw §ðmê ¢l姧?, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 23:53, 3 replies)

monkey toes' post just reminded me
when i buy a new DVD, i have to be the one to take the wrapper off it. i don't care if i'm not the first person to watch it, but if anyone takes that cellophane-type wrapping off before i can get to it, i basically throw my toys out of the pram and sulk like a twat.
stupid, i know, but there you go.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 23:51, 10 replies)

If I need to pee
and I'm pointing percy at the porcelain but the need to urinate has suddenly faded for some reason, I found that gently touching the small of back just where the last vertebra is before the coccyx starts seems to do the trick and opens up the valve.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 23:51, 2 replies)

Public pee-pee
Won't happen, no way, no how.

If there are other people around and I'm not in the cubicle, forget it. My bladder sphincter closes tighter than the civil service's austerity measures and nothing happens. When I first found this out as a kid, I was at a camp in the cub scouts and didn't piss for about 2.5 days. To this day, I'm not sure how that is physically possible.

I have no problem using a urinal, or up against a tree while enjoying the great outdoors, but there has to be zero chance of being overseen.
(MonkeyToes is thinking about a back sac and crack on, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 23:47, 7 replies)

The power of your eyes
If I buy a new book or a new magazine, then I cannot stand to have anyone else read it first, it's like the other person will somehow wear out the words a bit. This rarely happens with books, but often does with magazines and I have to bite my tongue when Mrs. Toes borrows my new (or part-read) magazine and drips water onto is as she reads it, drying her hair.

Don't care too much about newspapers though, but DO NOT look at my favorite crossword and make smug little noises that say "I know 7 down", until I've had the chance to get the 2 clues I can, and I'm begging you for help to finish it.
(MonkeyToes is thinking about a back sac and crack on, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 23:43, Reply)

Botty paper
2 sheets, folded again, thus guaranteeing digital/nipsy non-contact.

Repeat till spotless.

Fecal-free fingers, fresh fundament, every time!
(roysin, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 23:37, 12 replies)

Not me...but the girls I've dated.
One use to walk around any type of drain cover. Oh, and she couldn't jump across them either. I spend half the time we spent together trying to push her to walk on them.

And another one had full blown OCD, one of her main bugbears was how the coffee table was set out. Coasters stacked neatly in the middle, remote set to the left of them. Pointing towards the TV. Footstool neatly square under the table. Every time she left the room, even to go to the kitchen, she moved them like this. I did what any good B3tan would, I moved stuff about.
(Dante licked your nipple on, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 22:04, Reply)

Clocks
I have a habit of taking glances at clocks. Not just to check the time but to see if i can one day, just one day, take a glance and the second hand moves straight away instead of that perculiar and impossible 2 second delay before it seems to move on. Is it just me, i am a bit mad aren't i ?
checks clock................bastard!
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 21:56, 7 replies)

not quite walking on the cracks
I mentally draw diagonal lines from the corners of paving stones, and try not to walk on them. Or sometimes I try to walk exactly on the midpoint of the lines. Or if the paving stones are rectangular I work out how many of them form a rough square, divide that into diagonal lines and try to walk on them. Or not on them. Or in multiples of stones. Or some other random combination of diagonals, angles and lines.

I do this with tables as well - placing a glass just so that a diagonal line bouncing off the side of the table forms a perfect tangent with two sides of the glass. Or placing it at some other imagined cross point of two, four, eight 45-degree diagonal lines or 30-degree ones or other ones that make up a multiple of the table length or something. I sometimes move other people's pints if they're not placed quite right.

There must be a suitable pun to describe this?
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 20:09, 2 replies)

I...
Measure things as I am walking along, for example I tap the wall (discreetly, not blatently, because THAT would be weird!) gently with my fingertips and mark off sections...By knowing how many sections there are over a known distance I realise that eventually I will be able to walk completely blind everywhere without bumping in to things.

Probably still walk in to a pile of dog shit mind you.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Sun 4 Jul 2010, 18:36, Reply)

Soup spoons
are the work of the devil himself. Tablespoons are only to be used for stirring cake mix/other baking-related things, and can be used for dishing out, but never for eating with. Yoghurt must be eaten with teaspoons, no matter how big the pot, unless it's a bowl of greek yoghurt with honey, which may be eaten with a dessert spoon. Dessert spoons must be used for all else.

There's also two different sorts of cutlery in the cutlery drawer - one fancier and slightly bigger than the other. The smaller, smooth cutlery must be used at all times - only during cooking is it acceptable to use the other set, and only the starter knives and forks can be used. The dinner knives and forks are too big for a little person such as myself, and have to sit there unused (except when cutting blocks of butter). Also, when setting the table if we're having people over, all cutlery must be of the same sort, and be on the placemat, not on the outsides.

Computer folders must be organised properly too, music tagged correctly, bookmarks sorted, minimal things on the desktop etc.

I also narrate my driving - all the things I need to watch out for, even just a running commentary on how my speed is doing, when I need to turn, etc, but I never need to do this when I'm with my instructor for some reason.
(epinephrine, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 18:18, 1 reply)

Stairs
When I'm going down a flight of stairs, I have to miss the last step. Gravity then causes me to land at the bottom with a sudden and very un-ladylike thud.

Also, I *will* come over there and clean your house for you. Especially your kitchen.
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 18:11, 7 replies)

I have problems 'relating' to 'people' on an 'emotional' level
It's cost me girlfriends befor. I only do things that are 'utilitarian' She was appalled at my lack of any moral code or compassion for others.

Her: "If you heard a young boy being murdered near your apartment, would you aid him?"
me: "Only if it would benefit me in some way."

We had lots of conversations about morals, and she was disgusted that I was so selfish and cold. She hated the fact that I think a lot of people act "moral" due to guilt, or out of the fear that if they didn't act morally, the undesirable situation might be reciprocated upon them some day. A twisted form of karma.

She also didn't appreciate her greenness or attempt at being green being made fun of and continually mocked by me.

I am thoroughly disgusted by people who act a certain way or change around their S.O. because it is what the other person desires. It's one thing to compromise, but god damn, you might as well go to acting school.

We'd still be together if I lied about my feelings. If I was an actor. Unfortunately I don't believe people should be together if they have to tip-toe around a single issue. Total honesty, or no relationship.

She was angry one day and I said "What most people don't realize is that emotions are a choice we make to fit a situation. You don't have to be angry.

What you have to realize is that there is nothing and nobody that can "make" you feel, act, see, think, etc. a certain way. Its all a choice. When you say "He MADE me angry" , you're giving your self control to that person. If you have any pride and self respect, that's unacceptable.

Its ok to be angry and whatever other emotions you feel. What's important is WHY you feel them and you make sure that its because you choose to feel them and not because you gave control over yourself to something else."


then she left. i felt... nothing.
(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 18:05, 68 replies)

long time lurker and all that jazz..
As a Stevie sapling I wasn’t adverse to a bit of cheek tensing. Doesn’t sound a lot but contorted cheek muscles look pretty retarded.

Anyway, I forgot about this until Mr Stevie looked at me with horror presuming I was having a stroke just a few weeks ago, which explains weird looks on the tube etc.

Jovially I’d presumed this must be because I’m a 9/10. Clearly not.

Another of my old favourites is jumping down and putting my ear to the ground when I suspect erotic banging from the flat below. I can’t control or stop it.

Their bedroom is below mine which has led to a few interesting nights. They’re also 50 + …

Length? Not long due Mr Stevie thinking f.a.s.t
I’m here all week..
(miss stevie needs you to like me, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 18:01, Reply)

Long-haired men
Whenever I drive past one in the street, I HAVE to take a good look. Doesn't matter if he's a munter - if he has long hair, I'll stare.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 17:58, Reply)

my bizarre habits....
... are usually to do with work, everyone labels me as anal or OCD for the way I do things when in fact I'm just organised (and perhaps a little bit of a perfectionist), it was even brought up in a disciplinary hearing once!

Although first thing in the morning I do have to make sure all the tables in the bar line up with the tiles and are all in a straight line across the middle of the floor, one customer once asked if I'd been in the Forces, one of the staff shouted over "nah, he's just proper wierd like"
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 17:41, Reply)

Palilalia.
Very mild autistic spectrum quirk.

I grew up before my my oddities were officially diagnosable, but people told me I would repeat under my breath what I'd just said. I'd deny it, as I wasn't conscious of it, and they they'd carefully stare at me and wait for me to do it again, which I generally would much to their amusement.

I forgot about this quirk as adults tend not to comment on this sort of thing. Upon reading descriptions of autistic behaviour and quirks about four years back, my scalp started burning with embarrassment at the number of things I'd been doing that were socially odd, and nestled among the cornering people, inappropriate comments and monochromatic wardrobes was this little neurological gem.

I suddenly remembered the teasing at school (there was so MUCH teasing that the subject of any particular session was lost to history), and I started listening to myself speak. I still do it, mostly if I'm thinking hard or very excited.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 17:16, 9 replies)

Top of the pops
I never ever take the first thing off the shelf/out of the packet I never take the first newspaper off the pile, always dig 3 or 4 down, or take the first biscuit out of the pack etc

If there is only one left, I'll leave it.

I dont know why,although I think it's something to do with being 'exposed to the air' or 'being touched by someone else'.

Odd.
(annimal, Sun 4 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)