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This is a question Heckles II

It was my privilege the other month to see a particularly foul and abusive heckler literally chased out of a comedy club by enraged punters. So: Comedy nights, staff meetings, football matches. Tell us of epic or rubbish heckles.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 14:36)
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Rubbish Heckling in the Bakery
I don't know if this really fits in with the question, as there was no comedy club involved; but here goes.

Many years ago, I worked the odd weekend on the night shift at a bakery.
It was pretty boring work, making up orders for the various shops and loading them onto vans (sometimes even getting to decorate the Chelsea buns with the jizz icing).

We worked hard most of the time but, sometimes, when the vans were out and the cakes were still in the ovens, we had time on our hands.

Now, being a bakery, we would often find the odd mouse. We used "humane" traps to catch them and would generally just put them outside.
We would, however, keep a pair back, sometimes, and race them. This involved building an obstacle course round the back storeroom and betting on our mice.

A straight race was pretty boring, so we would sometimes try to heckle our opponent's mouse by shouting and even throwing currents etc. at them, to put them off.

Anyway. This time I decided that there was no way that my mouse would lose and I went to throw a pound bag of currents on the other mouse. Unfortunately, I tripped and poured them on my mouse. It stopped dead, looked me in the eye, charged and bit me on the ankle.

To cut a long story short, I pissed off my own mouse.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 0:19, 18 replies)
Tell us a funny one now!
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 0:29, closed)
There was a Pakistani chap used to work at our local swimming pool.
He was called Jahandjir Bandin.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 0:39, closed)
It's currants, not currents.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:06, closed)
You don't know that.
It could have been a Sith bakery.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:09, closed)
they were probably fucking sultanas

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:46, closed)
We were indeed.
The Sultan of Brunei's wife was quite exotic but I was disappointed by how common the Sultans of Swing's wives were.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:37, closed)
The sort of hand clapping that is really slow with a muted tsk tsking.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:51, closed)
This lacks any sort of redeeming quality.
Go sit in the corner.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 9:02, closed)
Well I liked it.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:22, closed)
you would, you shit-liker

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:24, closed)
Wanking on cakes, failure to correctly dispose of captured rodents, inability to spell "currant", all leading up to a terrible pun.
I think it's you who is ruining this place.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:15, closed)
I'd like to think so, certainly.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:33, closed)
Is there a raisin you're telling us all this?

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:44, closed)
Now YOU - YOU can fuck off.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:33, closed)
That's the yeast he can do.

(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 15:08, closed)
you shouldn't rise to it ... you'll only get knocked back
there's no knead to prove yourself

etc etc etc
(, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 16:02, closed)
Three rules of comedy NO PUNS NO PUNS AND NO PUNS
Often misheard as NO BUNS NO BUNS NO BUNS

(, Thu 19 Jun 2014, 9:27, closed)
...left unfingered.

(, Thu 19 Jun 2014, 15:11, closed)

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