Mrs Vagabond is quite wee - 5'2".
On weekend mornings she has a habit of snuggling up behind me in bed, then manoeuvring her knees, then feet into the small of my back, and slowly pushing me out of bed, by which point, since I'm then "already up", she tends to conclude that I might as well go and make the coffee.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 14:45, 17 replies)

which you then promptly wank into.

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 14:47, closed)

I would have concluded
That she needed a good kicking for disturbing my slumber like that.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:05, closed)

Clearly you've not met Mrs Vagabond.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:07, closed)

That's what you think

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:08, closed)

It's what I know, lad.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:14, closed)

me too
Well she didn't give a name but did kick me out of bed.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:01, closed)

You fucking wish, you sweaty-palmed virgin.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:04, closed)

No, YOUR mum

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 18:44, closed)

Hahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:18, closed)

Haha
Yes, a good ruse. My favourite is calling out in a worried tone to my loved one in the other room, when she comes running in asking if I'm ok, I point at my cup and say, 'Look, it's empty!' She always punches me where the bruises don't show :(
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:29, closed)

I don't mind making the coffee
But I do wish she'd cut her toe nails.
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:18, closed)

If you're "already up"
Then make use of the morning wood.

AICMFP.
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:24, closed)

Wait
until she gets into position and then let go with that early morning fart thats been brewing all night
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:58, closed)

also known as a 'breakfast maker'
making her so disgusted she gets up to make the breakfast. As a woman should.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 17:58, closed)

May I have permission
to use the phrase "breakfast maker" in the context that you have applied above?

Mind you, more often than not, it is I who delivers the "breakfast maker"...
(iamdoingapooasisignup, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 20:31, closed)

of course
tis now in the public domain....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:30, closed)

Thank
you.
(iamdoingapooasisignup, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:08, closed)

It took me
well over a minute to be able to open my eyes after reading that, and my cheeks hurt. Awesome.
(Ejaculantern was caught desecrating pumpkins on, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 3:44, closed)

Bitch
Black her eye!
(Suck it and Sea, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 18:18, closed)

Chuckles...

(iamdoingapooasisignup, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 20:27, closed)