My mum...
lost her front two teeth when she was young; she cycled over a football that someone kicked, and unceremoniously flipped over the crossbar and kerb-stomped herself. As such, she has a plate which she can put in which clips onto her palette behind her teeth with two fake front teeth to replace her gap.

This tooth plate is usually left, when not in use, in a glass of water which is meant to keep the plate supple, or something like that. Anyway, it gave me hours of fun as a child to secretly pour things into it and watch her face as the liquid registered on her tongue. A particular favourite was to simply supersaturate the water with salt. It resulted in a response, but my mum loves salt, so it wasn't so funny in the end. I scoured the kitchen for things that I could mix with water that would remain clear. Saccharin was quite a good one, resulting in a painfully sweet flavour. That got a good reaction for a while, but nothing more than a screwed up face and a slap round the head...I wanted more of a spectacle.

The beginning of my eventual downfall came when I tried Tabasco sauce. The resulting chilli-water wasn't so transparent, so I was worried I'd get rumbled. On that day, she was due to go into town on the bus with me and my sister, and we were running super late. The bus stop was outside my house, and I ran out to stall it while the rest followed. We caught it just in time, with my mum popping her teeth in last minute. I had a big grin on my face, and I saw the chilli-heatwave slowly make itself apparent, as I stood in the doorway of the bus. As my mum finally ran to me, her face was screwing up, and her eyes were watering as she looked at me with the angriest stare. She just about bought the tickets from the driver and sat down before pulling the plate out and smacking me across the head. I didn't care, as I had been doubled over laughing since we stepped out the door. The whole rest of the day I watched her put in the plate in order to converse with shopspeople, red-faced, then come back to us, remove it, take a swig of Cola for the spice, and shout at me for being an idiot.

This event still hadn't quenched my thirst for mischief, and a few weeks later I planned my ultimate prank. The piece de resistance of fake-tooth guerilla warfare. I considered a few things...soap? No...that was too much...or was it? I even thought bleach at one point (being too young to really know that it was *that* bad), but I knew it smelt too strongly. I'd get caught for sure. While still planning, I did a small prank just to tide myself over, which inadvertently became the big one...the MOAP (mother of all pranks).

I replaced the water with white vinegar. Again, it smelt quite bad, but just the concept was making me laugh; thinking of my mum's face was funny enough. The teeth remained in the glass for the rest of the afternoon untouched...and then through the night...I woke up and had completely forgotten about it until I heard my mum shout, "What the HELL?!"

I ran into the kitchen smirking to catch my mum's face as the vinegar filled her mouth, but instead she stood there...angry and toothless. In one hand was a cup of opaque brown liquid, and a mangled lump of plastic attached two black tooth-shaped blobs in the other. She sniffed the glass, and shouted, "VINEGAR? You little shit!"

Alas, is didn't end well for me (dissolving a hundred pounds worth of orthodontic craftsmanship in vinegar rarely does). I bought myself a few seconds by pulling a chair over behind me as I fled, and I was spared a further few seconds as my mum went through the drawers to find a suitably hefty wooden spoon to hit me with...but the punishment was inevitable.
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 13:36, 15 replies)

How is your Mum now?
Has she died of mouth cancer yet?
(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 13:41, closed)

So your story is...
You were a complete little shit to your Mum?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 17 Jun 2011, 13:45, closed)

Yes.
I suppose that's what you get as a response to the question "Horrible things you've done to a loved one".
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 13:55, closed)

yeah
The Luggage is a fucking cunt!
(mparryuk52, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 16:51, closed)

"my mum loves salt"
I concur
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 13:49, closed)

brilliant, i officelol'd at that

(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:02, closed)

I like *click*
As said above Luggage, read the fucking question.

If you want to be a retard join /talk
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:10, closed)

*click*

(Nanny Pat vote for me, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:15, closed)

Dentures which dissolve in weak acid?
Who the fuck thought of that?
Gah, sorry, yes, dentists -- that's who thought of that money-making scheme.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 18:25, closed)

She'd have been in real trouble if she'd ever drunk fruit juice or fizzy pop.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 0:46, closed)

Your Mum never thought to move her teeth out of your reach,
or at least rinse them before putting them in?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 20:32, closed)

Never mind that, I can't believe any denture manufacturer would willingly use a type of plastic or metal that is dissolved by a mild water-soluble organic acid.
In fact, I don't even think there's any rigid plastic or workable metal that would dissolve in such conditions. At the risk of being shouted down by an ignorant mob, I'm going to stick my neck out and say I don't believe this story is entirely plausible.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 0:57, closed)

I'll keep an ear open in the chippy,
for anyone requesting "absolutely no vinegar, else my teeth will melt."
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 19:51, closed)

Now if you stuck real teeth in vinegar for nearly a whole day, they WOULD dissolve.
You'd need something like hydrochloric acid in alcohol or acetone to do any chemical damage to dentures, even the cheap ones.

I think we should get in touch with guffguff's mum's dentist's laboratory of choice, since he has basically libelled them by claiming their products were knowingly sold while not being fit for purpose.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 20:52, closed)

This FTW..
As a denture-wearer myself, I feel your mums pain!..

Didnt know dentures dissolved in vinegar though, crikey!
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 16:18, closed)