Alanis Morisette would be proud
To those of you who want to post something on here, might I suggest that you check the definition of hypocrisy: in essence it is saying one thing and doing another, such as you find people who use their phones in public irritating and then taking a call while in the cinema.

It does not mean post any vague story about something which has irritated you or perplexed you in the past, like how Princess Leia remembered her mother.

Dullards
(give it six weeks and it might clear up would like to butter your muffin, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 12:50, 6 replies)

Parents
Parents are the worst for hypocrisy.

The best case is driving. I passed my driving test about... 5 months ago. By passing said test it proves you are competant and safe enough to drive on the british road network AND I have been pottering around myself ever since.

So why do parents still think they know best?

"Stop speeding, the limit is 70 on a motorway" (says my mother when she looks over from the passenger seat to the speedo)

Yes, thank you for stating the fecking obvious mother

"Its a 30 limit through here, slow down!" (Note I WAS doing 30)

To cap it all off they then go and do at least 40 in 30 zones.

Fecking hypocrits.
( unsey a frizzy haired fruit since, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 12:43, 4 replies)

Hypocrisy?
Most of the time, I'm an open-minded girl, willing to give anything a go once; I like porn, reading and writing filthy erotic fiction, I swear like a trooper, and can find a double entendre in just about anything.

However, if someone posts a very explicit gay grumble mag to me at the office*, I'll blush, go very prudish, and refuse to look at any of the cock pictures. I've just dropped it in the bin. But later, I'll regret not having had a peek.

*yes, it arrived this morning. It's got a review of one our DVDs in it, that's why they sent it to me.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 12:02, 6 replies)

Ausmark.......and diet coke
FAT CUNTS THAT DRINK DIET COKE....
ITS NOT THE TASTE....
YOU DONT PREFER IT.....
THEY HAD NOT RUN OUT OF NORMAL COKE....
ITS NOT FUCKING GLANDULAR...

YOU DRINK DIET COKE/COKE ZERO BECAUSE YOU ARE FAT AND THINK YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT, GO DOWN THE GYM YOU FAT CUNTS. IF YOU CANT LOOK AFTER YOUR BODY YOU DONT DESERVE IT
(gingerbollocks 'happy and content' since, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 11:17, 46 replies)

Daily Mail haters who...
...are intolerant of people's spelling and grammar.

OK, a pis pourly speld postwith no punctuaton and missspellling and runon sentances and filed with erros is annnoying to read and I will most like ly skip[ passed it myself.

But, if there are just a couple of comma's out of place or a misused apostrophe here and there? Is there really any need to jump all over the author like they are illiterate?

I remember Marcus Bridgestock on Room 101 (not a huge fan of either him, or the show, but this rung true with me) saying that he was dyslexic and found it completely disheartening when he would pour his heart and soul into a story or essay at school only to have it come back covered in red, with a low score, and no reference to what he had actually said.

If you are going to preach tolerance, then actually show some too.

/rant.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 11:15, 26 replies)

I inwardly mock people with poor grammatical and spelling skills...
...yet I regularly get my log-in wrong four or five times before going to the Pizza Express website to remember how to spell it.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 11:05, 2 replies)

This says it all for me!


Nothing more need be said... and yes, I know this isnt an image challenge, but it just makes sense this way.
(AusMark, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 10:46, 12 replies)

Rehab
A mate of mine works at a drug rehab centre.

He was telling me about the time he had a trainee in with him. Before the session with the recovering drug addicts, he lectured this trainee, really hammered home the fact that under no circumstances could she mention drugs once she was in the room. It would set the addicts off and fuck with their minds. It was an open, learning environment where the addicts could explore new avenues of thinking which didn't envolve injecting, snorting, or smoking substances.

Moments later, walking into the room with the trainee trailing behind, my mate says "Hello", to the assembled patients.

Then he says:

"I'm just popping out to get a drink from the vending machine. Coke, anyone???"

The trainee snorted like a giraffe, apparently.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 10:36, 4 replies)

Me
I regularly complain about my students turning up to class anything between 5 and 45 minutes late. However, I myself frequently appear with either less than 30 seconds to spare or indeed several minutes after the timetabled beginning of class. My record is oversleeping and waking up 5 minutes after class was due to have started and turning up to teach a group of disgruntled Russians an hour late, making up some cock and bull story while on my way in of how I fell over on some ice, landed in a puddle, had to go home and changed and then had to get a taxi which *of course* got stuck in traffic and then got lost. And I wonder why I never get the 'employee of the month' award.
(judeski walked on water and ran through fire, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 10:09, 2 replies)

I hate those people who post "Last"
Last!
(uniquestar, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 9:11, 2 replies)

Doobie
Was in Amsterdam last week with Ms Hanky for a romantic Valentine's week holiday.

Was sat in a coffeeshop absolutely cunted to the tenth degree.

Reached into my pocket and pulled out a packet of cigs. Sparked one up.

The fella who ran the place rushes up to me.

"No, no, no! You can't do that in here!" He said in that lovely compressed Dutch accent they have.

I tried to focus my eyes on him.

He was holding a joint the size of a lamp post.

"Smoke this instead. Its only super skunk, nice n smooth. Three Euros."

Well, fuck me... I love that city... I actually want to have full blown sexual intercourse with that city...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 8:06, 6 replies)

I don't like people who post "first" to QOTW
but secretly I want to do it myself.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 3:31, Reply)

I used to work with a woman
who *hated* refugees.

She was the children of Croatian immigrants...ie refugees.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 3:30, 3 replies)

Vegetarians
Okay. I was a vegetarian for 18 months when I was a teenager. Then I gave up because I thought not eating meat but wearing leather and using/wearing other things derived from animals was incredibly hypocritical.

You're not saving any animals from dying you sanctimonious fools!
(B3taByter Meh, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 3:17, 4 replies)

Let it be known that...
I command a deep respect and admiration from my devout followers all around the world. My actions and words are comforting and reassuring to those who share with me the beliefs of the One True Vision and Goal.

One time during a visit to one of the oases of truth in the desert of disbelief I was questioned by an opponent in relation to my wholly wholesome extra-curricular activities in a more colourful district.

"Behold!" said the jealous minion.
"He drinks alcohol in total disregard of The Way!"

Of course my activites were part of a trial that He chose for me and I answered forthright with confidence and ease.

"Do not question me! For my actions are those destined in the Plan. The liquid of which you speak simply turned to water at the touch of my lips!"

"Oh!" said he.
"Well, that's alright then, isn't it."

"Yes, it is, my little one." I said.
(Evilsquirrelboy, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 2:45, 1 reply)

i am awfully tired
of B3TA fuckwits who write stories with,apparently,only a vague notion of what the word hypocrisy means.If we were to thin out the half-witted stories not involving a hypocrisy this QOTW would run to two pages.

And these are the same beery fuckwits who berate new people for not knowing the rules,posting something stupid or for bad grammar.
CAN YOU SMELL THE HYPOCRISY?CAN YOU?CAN YOU?SMELL IT.GO ON,SMELL IT,YOU SHITS.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Thu 26 Feb 2009, 0:57, 4 replies)

Crotchfruit
Not funny, but I'll get it off me chest.

Why is it that formerly-cool or fun friends, once they've managed to grunt out a little crotchfruit, think it's necessary to extol their virtues?

I mean, you can see it in their eyes - they say "oh, you should be a parent" but their eyes say "for the love of all that's holy, help me kill it with fire!".

Cunts.
(lustfish, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 0:22, 3 replies)

I work with some xenophobes
Xenophobic and thick. One of them complains consistently about asylum seekers who "cum ova yur and claim benefits an dun even learn good English like!!!!!"

This person also couldn't point out Scotland on a map of Britain.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 23:39, 1 reply)

.
I have a gay friend who is homophobic.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 22:53, 7 replies)

Tommy
I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, 'We serve no red-coats 'ere.'
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed and giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again, an' to myself sez I:
Oh, it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Tommy, go away':
But it's 'Thank you, Mister Atkins,' when the band begins to play -
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
Oh, it's 'Thank you, Mister Atkins,' when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Tommy, wait outside';
But it's 'Special train for Atkins' when the trooper's on the tide -
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
Oh, it's 'Special train for Atkins' when the trooper's on the tide.

Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?'
But it's 'Thin red line of 'eroes' when the drums begin to roll -
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
Oh, it's 'Thin red line of 'eroes when the drums begin to roll.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that , an' 'Tommy, fall be'ind,'
But it's 'Please to walk in front, sir,' when there's trouble in the wind -
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
Oh, it's 'Please to walk in front, sir,' when there's trouble in the wind.

You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'Chuck him out, the brute!'
But it's 'Saviour of 'is country' when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool - you bet that Tommy sees!

R.Kipling.


I don't really approve of the way the British army is constantly sent round the globe to get shot at and blown up - yet at the same time the government that sends it is unwilling to invest in decent technology and weapons that work.

I don't believe that wounded soldiers who make it back home are treated well enough by that government either.

Not particularly funny, but it's a good poem.
(anvil, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 22:01, 2 replies)

It doesn't count as hypocrisy...
...when I say I can't stand children.
But the only ever reply I receive is - "but you were a child once!"

How the fuck is that even an argument?! Am I only allowed to dislike kids if I have not been one myself?! FFS.
(The-Banana, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 20:54, 6 replies)