Hemipenis!
Twas applying for a desk job once, and the interviewer was a good sort, nice sense of humour.

Interviewer: What animal would you like to be?
Me: A snake.
Interviewer: Why's that?
Me: They have two cocks!
Interviewer: (Laughs) But they haven't any hands, how would you wank?
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 16:51, Reply)

...
Went to a job interview on one of the hottest days of summer, in a full suit.

As I sat down the woman said

"You can take off your jacket if you want, I know how hot it is!"

I replied

"Ah thanks! Yeah I'm sweating like a rapist!"


Let's just say it was all down hill from there...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 15:48, Reply)

Bruce Forsyth goes for a sales job
Way back when poor old me was... er.. poor, I had a chance at a fairly well paid financial sales job. My old man pulled some strings to get me the interview, and I went through a HR interview, an asessment centre and to my surprise found myself in the third and final interview with some of the sales big cheeses. I thought I was doing pretty well, being confident and clever, right up until the very last thing I said.

As we shook hands as we parted, the Sales Director said "Nice to meet you."

To which I cheerfully replied "To meet you nice."

I left red faced and feeling a complete prat. Surprisingly, I didn't get the job...
(incrediblemonkeydoctor www.rantatsomeone.com - go on, have a rant, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 11:53, Reply)

Keep talkin', keep talkin'
A good friend of mine had, until a couple of years ago, a seriously heavy weed habit. He also somehow managed to hold down a management position at a major office equipment company, the one that sounds a bit like the thing that fires cannonballs.

Anyhows, he was once interviewing people for a junior office job all day and began suffering ever-increasing levels of frustration at the lacklustre quality of the candidates. Finding himself with a spare two minutes before the final interview of the day, he decided to run out back and quickly suck down a spliff in order to make the last one a little more interesting.

So, this poor young fella of around 16 years of age comes into his office and sits there nervously fumbling for answers to the opening questions, when after five minutes or so the unexpectedly potent nature of the skunk begins to manifest itself.

My mate begins to have a little trouble holding it together, and certainly can't put any insightful questions to the lad, so begins to rely on repeatedly asking him to elaborate further on his answers - e.g. "This will be my first full time job since leaving school, the only other thing I've done is a paper round" - "ok, go on" - "erm, that's it" - "ok, go on" etc. After a while the absurdity of the situation suddenly dawns on him, he begins to think about what the guy must be going through, and he begins to laugh uncontrollably as the poor fellow stutters helplessly away.

About ten minutes or so in, a full-blown whitey starts to kick in, and so he says to the kid "look, you just keep on talking, I'm just gonna rest my head on the desk for a while" - which he promptly does, and immediately passes out.

An unknown amount of minutes later he wakes up not knowing where the hell he is, sits up, and slowly realises this kid is still sat there opposite him, in complete silence and looking about to burst into tears. So he takes a few seconds to clear his head a little, takes a deep breath, and says "ok that'll do, you haven't got the job, there's the door, can you turn out the light on your way out"

The guy even said thankyou as he left the room.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Fri 21 Jan 2005, 13:43, Reply)

I went
for a job in Dixons which involved unloading their deliveries and putting them away.. nothing nearly as tricky as staring blankly at customers in the store. On the application form it asked for my strengths. I wrote that I was impervious to gamma rays and could deflect bullets. There was no interview.
(geetoo, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 15:07, Reply)

My non-PC former boss
Interviewing for software developers asked an Indian candidate 'Will you be reliable? because the last Asian we offered a job to let us down when he went home for an arranged marriage.' Cue outraged phone call next day from the agency...

In the same round of interviews he said to a somewhat chubby chap 'Because you're fat, I'm inclined to think you might be lazy.'

Off topic somewhat, one lunchtime Former Boss and I were walking down the lane where he lived. Workmen had opened the manhole over the sewer to do some maintenance. Old boss peered down the hole, turned to the workmen and said cheerfully

'My shit goes down there.'

The workmen stared at him, jaws hanging, while I shrivelled up in shame.
( Safetyfox, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 14:33, Reply)

I often have to interview
youngsters for till work/shelf filling as they can do the student shifts. "Alistair" was next on my list and the bell rang to signify he was waiting.

Out I go, jacket on, papers at the ready and there, a vision stood before me.

Dressed from head to toe in purest white Kappa and Nike stood Alistair, my "homey", he then gave me 5 and showed himself into the office.

After mumbling and bullshitting his way through the first lot of questions, I was mesmerised by the size of the tongues on his monstrous trainers, and the amount of sovereign rings he had managed to cram on each finger.

I then asked the killer "Can you give me an example of where you received good customer service?".

"Well", replied Alistair, "If you go down Bargain Booze right, and you know Martin's sister, she'll give you a packet of smokes on the sly".

NEXT....
( Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 16:27, Reply)

Favourite not- even- getting- an- interview
Best application form: a FOAF who was determined not to be gainfully employed (in the days when being on the dole was profitable, easy and fun, kids). He persistently listed his ethnic origin as 'honky'
(clapper, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:05, Reply)

Honesty...
My cousin was on an interview panel for a sales job with a character who liked to fire in questions to try and stump interviewees. All fairly standard.

At the end of one interview the bloke interrupted and said "what's the most embarrassing thing you can think of?"

The young victim flashed back:

"When I was 16 my dad came home to find me wearing my sister's clothes and admiring myself in the mirror. He went mental, bundled me into the car, drove me to the centre of town and made me walk home in drag"

This stumped the previously unflappable boss, who eventually stammered "Er...I was looking for a hypothetical example, but thanks for sharing".

He got the job...salesmen eh?
(Brian Cheese, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 22:52, Reply)

unintentional hilarity
I had a job interview a month ago with a company that runs a preparatory program for American standardized testing. The initial interview was a group interview, during which each person had to give a teaching demonstration on any subject. I was going to do "how to wrap a present," but then they mentioned that topic in the email they sent out the day of the interview, after I had planned it all out. Not wanting to look unoriginal, I chose another topic.

How to make a sock monkey.

For my demonstration, I drew socks on the dry-erase board, and showed where to cut and sew them with dotted lines. Halfway through, I look at what I've drawn, and it remarkably looks like a bunch of willies, complete with dotted pee-lines.

I got the job.
(emgee, Mon 24 Jan 2005, 14:23, Reply)

Not the interview itself, but...
A few years ago when I was New Deal scum, I was sent for an interview at a youth centre here in Nottingham.

The interview itself went great. I answered all the questions, and said all the right things. We shook hands and I left to catch the bus home.

I arrived home ONE HOUR later, and turned on the TV, which was showing local news. The first thing I saw was a burning building which looked very familiar.

Yes. In the time it took me to get home, the VERY SAME youth centre had been attacked by arsonists and had been completely destroyed.

Bugger.
(jimi.vicious regrets criticising the American electoral system!, Sun 23 Jan 2005, 0:32, Reply)

Team Spirit!
I attended an interview for a management position along with four other 'hopefuls'.

After getting each of us to complete a psychometric test they then gave us a 'group' exercise. We had to pretend we were in a plane crash somewhere in the middle of a desert.
We had a list of twenty items which we had to put into their order of importance. ie. Water, Flashlight, Compass, Gun, Parachute, blah blah blah.

Anyway, this one guy (you always get one) really got into the game, he said he was a survival expert, had been everywhere and done everything, so he decided he knew the right answers and wouldn't listen to anyone elses ideas.

Eventually I got so pissed off with this bloke I snapped and shouted at him: "RIGHT! I'M TAKING THE GUN AND SHOOTING YOU IN THE HEAD!" (putting two fingers to his forehead and shouting 'BANG' at the top of my voice and pushing his head slightly to get a nice 'recoil' effect.)

He looked absolutely stunned for a moment, and the interviewer sitting in the corner started laughing. This obviously upset the guy and he replied: "You can't do that."

I said to him: "Dead men don't talk." and then proceded to ignore him.
The other three interviewee's thought this was hilarious and also decided that as he was dead they couldn't hear him either.

In the end he got so upset that nobody would speak to him, he packed up and walked out!

Later, the interviewer asked me to explain myself. I told him that while teamwork was obviously important someone still has to be responsible for stearing the team in the right direction. So they only gave me the bloody job!

Sorry for Big Length and Girth etc. :)
(SproutsAreEvil, Tue 25 Jan 2005, 14:12, Reply)

Que?
I once interviewed a young Spanish girl for a customer service position:

Q: I'm going to ask you a few questions from this sheet, OK?

A: Yes

Q: Tell me what experience you have had (etc)

A: Yes

Q: Do you understand a word I'm saying?

A: Yes

Q: You don't do you?

A: Yes

Q: Have you ever smuggled cocaine through customs?

A: Yes

Q: I really don't think you're suitable for this position and I resent you for wasting my time

A: Yes


And the shortest one ever: A candidate arrived THREE HOURS LATE, and when asked why she hadn't phoned she said she hadn't thought of that. I sent her home.


Size doesn't matter....
(tree hugger putting the "semen" in "basement"..., Sun 23 Jan 2005, 23:47, Reply)

Survival of the thickest - I didn't get the job
As a group exercise we were presented with a hypothetical scenario where our ship had sunk and we were adrift in a liferaft on the ocean. We'd probably only be able to grab six to ten items and had to prioritise which we'd take from a list of fifty, and why.

The scenario clearly stated that the ship had sent a distress signal and search teams were looking for us. The bad news being that if we hadn't been rescued by the time it got dark, we probably wouldn't survive the night.

So I scan the list for anything we can use to attract attention. Torch - yes, good. Mirror, aha, we can reflect sunlight and blind the rescue plane pilot. Flare gun - perfect.

But no. The team rejected the flare gun.

I protested: "But it's sole purpose is to tell people where you are - it's designed to get you rescued!"

"Yeah, but you can only use it once."

"How many times do you want to get rescued?"


So what did they want to take instead?

-Biscuits.
Now I'm a greedy bastard, but I reckon even I can last a few hours without food (days if it comes to it, though I wouldn't like it).

-Salt tablets.
Fucking salt tablets! We're surrounded by millions of gallons of salt water and they think we'll need fucking salt tablets! "Oh shit, I haven't had any salt for three hours! Quick, pass me a salt tablet before my spleen asplodes!" Fucking retards.

Committees don't work. You need a dictator.

/notbitter
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Sat 22 Jan 2005, 18:55, Reply)

And your name is..?
A mate of mine was interviewing this bloke for a job in his book shop. The candidate's name was Mohammed Mohammed Mohammed.

Q: So what do you like to be called then?
A: Mohammed
(tree hugger putting the "semen" in "basement"..., Thu 20 Jan 2005, 21:50, Reply)

I was on summer break from University...
and I was home visiting friends where they were working at a grocery store. I was saying something about looking for work for the summertime, but I didn't want anything too serious. They told me that there may be an opening here at the shop. I went and seeked out the manager and he fired a few random questions at me and made me fill out a job application.

At the end of the interview I asked him if there were any jobs and he said that there wasn't any at the moment but if I waited a few minutes, that he'd go fire somebody and I could take their spot. I couldn't believe it!

I was still in shock about what he had just said when he got up and excused himself from the room. Since we were in his office during all of this and he had a set of windows that looked down on the whole store I could see that he walked out onto the sales floor and walked right up to one of the workers and pointed at the door. The worker said a few words and walked out.

The boss came back to me and said that there was now an opening and asked if I wanted it. I took it and walked down to the sales floor and got to work.

Appologize for length.
(Stone1295, Tue 25 Jan 2005, 15:57, Reply)

When I got stuck ...
I went to an interview and a large telecoms company. When I arrived there was lots of "repartitioning" going on and walls were being moved around. I did the first part of the interview fairly well, and managed the barage of questions easily (mmm - rub that ego boy!). The second part was in another room, and the nice Personnel lady took me in and told me to complete a quick Q&A sheet.

"I'll be back in about half an hour", she said.

Well.. 30 minutes came and went. I sat and sat, waiting for the nice lady to come back... however, she did not. After about 45 minutes I got a bit concerned, but not wanting to be found wandering around the corridors, I figured it'd be best to sit tight. After an hour I heard a rumble of feet outside the door as people went to lunch. By this time I was busting for a piss (sipping all that water due to the nerves wasn't a good idea). I decided to get out. There weren't any phones in the room so I figured the only option was to walk out...

... then I found it... a key-coded door. But it was on the INSIDE.. My brain couldn't comprehend it.. I realised it must've had something to do with the rapid office moves.. I was stuck, and really, really needing a piss.

... Aha! My mobile!

I grabbed my mobile... but there wasn't much of a signal. So I ended up standing on a table. The only number I had was for the job agency that got me this interview, so I called them. After explaining my situation and getting my "caring sharing" agency rep saying....

"Hang on, I'll put you speaker phone - can you just tell me what's happened again?"

I was really needing a piss and really wasn't in the mood for it at the time.

"You're joking right? There's no way they'd put a keylock on the inside. And you're standing on a table now ? Eheheheh ? Really? AHHAHA!!"

.. After a few more minutes I managed to pursuade them that NO, I really wasn't joking and I really WAS stuck. They eventually called reception and a security guard came up to let me out, "I told them to take this bloody door off, it's the old one - this used to be the corridor where you're sitting now".

.. After a quick trip to the bog I met up with the Personnel bird, who apologised endlessly and gave me some free o2 (doah! sorry) pens. She'd buggered off for lunch and left me. Cow.

Anyhow, I got home and people took the piss for weeks afterwards. I got the job in the end, but decided not to take it.
(G-Funk, Mon 24 Jan 2005, 17:59, Reply)

interests
My mate Interviewed a lad for a job as data entry thingy. When asked what his special interests were he replied "Hiding".

Didn't get the job
(coz, Mon 24 Jan 2005, 13:08, Reply)

"Pron Baron Wanted"
A few years ago I went for a job advertised thus: "Graphic Designer wanted for Adult Publications Company".

"Woo! Getting paid (a not inconsiderable amount) to look at dirty ladies all day!". I thought.

Got to the building and there were about twenty ropey old slappers hanging around the office (the company also ran "escorts") and met the boss, who proceeded to snort copious amounts of coke through the interview.

Every so often a tarty woman would come into the office and say things like "Guess what, John... Chantel's had her muff dyed green!" or "Just had a call from Bridie's boyfriend, she hasn't come home from the job we sent her on last night...".

He showed me the sorts of things I'd be working on (Over 40 Floozies, Hairy Midgets, Gynaecological Times, etc, can't remember the exact titles). It takes a lot to make me ill, but looking at some of the pictures I'd have to re-touch I felt myself retching...

He offered me the job, but I turned it down. I didn't really think a portfolio full of hamburger shots would go down too well with future employers...
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 10:48, Reply)

They have toilets in offices up North?
A couple of years back I was working for a big paper manufacturer located up near Manchester. We were a man down on the team and were looking for a new SAP consultant to join us...

The office security guard came through to our area and asked the admin woman if we were expecting visitors. Yep, and why she asked. "Well" said Kevin,"there is a guy who turned up about 10 minutes ago is now pissing up the wall at the back of the car park in full view of the security camera."

Admin woman heads into the main reception and boyo is now confidently strolling towards the building. "I'm here for the interview!" he announces... Now our admin lady was not one for taking any kind of sh*t and basically said "What the hell do you think you were doing? Did you not think we'd have toilets in here?".

Now the guy hadn't lost the situation completely here and a profound apology might just have rescued the situation. However, the way his brain was wired up suggested "I'm not taking that kind of shit from a secretary, I want to see the manager who is supposed to be interviewing me" was the best line to come out with.

Good old admin lady goes in, gets head honcho after explaining the situation who comes out and tells the guy to piss off and that his manner is disgraceful. Quite why this guy thought he was doing himself any kind of remaining favour at this point returns with "this is disgusting, I want to see the director please." Head honcho takes out business card handily emblazened with "IT Director" on it, hands to him and says "we'll let you know" and walked back into the office.

He didn't get the job.

Even better on replaying the video the guy actually looked like he was trying to write his name on the wall. Nice.
( dan j the filthy bastard, Fri 21 Jan 2005, 17:24, Reply)

Think first, then speak!
I’d been called back for a 3rd interview and was feeling a bit cocky, I’d all but been given the job in the 2nd so the last thing was to meet my future boss and see how we get on.

We meet and things are going great, we’re really just chatting. He’s a large guy but pretty cool and a good laugh, half way through he offers to take me out for a nice Costa coffee. On the way there he tells me that for some reason he just loves the large warm milks with hazelnut syrup’s but says ‘I’m not sure I should have another one, I’ve had 2 large ones already today, one more and I’ll probably…’

‘Lactate?’ I add

bugger!
( HornO, Fri 21 Jan 2005, 12:44, Reply)

As an interviewer...
... my favourites have been:

1) Me: "it says here [on the CV]that you consider yourself assertive. Can you give me an example of when you've shown this?"

Potential beatch "nope"

Me "So why have you put it down then?"

PB "Well, you have to put that these days don't you..."

2) Me "You've put gardening as one of your hobbies. What's your garden like?"

PB "Oh, I don't have a garden" (though she did have an incredibly short skirt which was a bit disconcerting, though as I am a lady I wasn't really impressed)

3) Me "What do you do when you have a difficult customer?"

PB "I tell them it's not my fault, I'm only a temp"

And my all time favourite, the lovely young chap who interviewed superbly, came across as intelligent, open, entusiastic and friendly with excellent references. Unfortunately he appeared to have some kind of mental health episode within an hour of entering our office on his first day. The team were worried as he did not know how to use a mouse and mouthed strange nothings out of the window when approached. I had to sack him (after the agency had told him not to turn up and he did)- it took half an hour, whereupon he tried to discuss Buddhism, death, and at one point said "Oh how rude of me- I haven't offered you a cup of tea".

It was at the point where he sprinted up to my office, switched on the PC, and started to work 'as normal' that we called security.

Hatstand.
(clapper, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:03, Reply)

I went for an interview...
... at Cambridge University to try and get an offer of a place on a maths course. I eventually found my way though the maze of some backward king's college administration building to meet a mad old professor.

I was told it wasn't unusal to ben interviewed by three people but he was on his own in a dusty old room full of books and bit's of paper covered in notes all over the floor. Despite being asked some horrific questions about my opinion on the nature of maths (wtf?) and having to justify why I thought the proof for 0! = 1 is incredibly stupid the interview went quite well.

It ended, I stood up and shook hands and thanked him and turned to the door opened it walked in and shut it behind me. I was daydreaming/looking at the floor/insane for I had walked into the closet. A bookshelf of ancient books, several jackets and canes were lying about, but no exit. Perhaps he hadn't noticed, I stayed in the closet for about a minute then opened the door and backed out.

Thankfully the professor was snoring loudly on his desk (was I that dull?) and I escaped red faced. Cambridge offered me a place which I rejected to take engineering at Edinburgh which I promptly dropped out of.
(jinglebellsmotherfucker, Sun 23 Jan 2005, 17:04, Reply)

Oooh... yeah... baby...
I once went for a job as a video editor - fuck knows why as I had no experience whatsoever, but the ad must have said no experience necessary. At this time in my life I had almost no job experience at all, and was doing the groovy unemployed artist thing of being up til 2am, sleeping in til 2pm and producing a 'zine every couple of months. Since these 'zines were quite good if I say so myself, I put them in my resume folder as examples of my self-taught desktop publishing and editing skills.

Unfortunately, the nice video editor man wanted to look at my samples closely, which was never my intention. On opening my beautifully presented 'zine, he was confronted with a story that began with the following paragraph:

"I gasped as I felt a truly amazing orgasm grip my crotch and wrench it into the air, forcing from me incoherent, atavistic grunts of pleasure. "I want to hear you," my friend whispered in my ear, "I want to hear you come, and feel your cunt squeezing my fingers." I valiantly obliged, at an appropriate volume."

The poor man's face froze. Interview ended soon after.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 22 Jan 2005, 11:33, Reply)

serial embarrassment
Have had to interview "young people" for a range of starter media jobs (telesales etc).

1) Candidate one applied giving her webmail address which was sexybabe69@[a webmail domain. She'd also put her full postal address, which began with the line "Ground Floor Flat". No interview but I was tempted to go around and peer through the window.

2) I call another candidate. At the time I'm working in a large office in a big street in central London. She has the address. I offer her the interview despite the fact that she sounds a little bit slow on the phone. She asks me "how do I get there?". Quite patiently, I name the nearest two tube stations. "How do I get there from there?". I check that she has the address. She does. I suggest that she checks an A-Z map. When she comes in for interview the next Monday, I say, in the lift, to lighten the mood - "so, you found us all right in the end?" "Yes," she says - "I came for a practice run yesterday." Not offered the position.

3) My favourite, another one who didn't get the job (she didn't really want it and I'm sure she got another one). Very confident, media studies degree, had done some kind of final project where she'd got top marks, but CV was hazy about the details. She mentions it again in the interview, again evading any detail. "So," I say to this nice-looking 22-year-old (i'm a geeky, ugly old mess of 38), "come on, what exactly was this project?", thinking that I'm expertly tricking her into giving me details she'd rather avoid. Deadpan, without hesitation or blushing she explains: "It was a video of four women who made the film, including me, talking frankly about their vaginas: the film is split screen,with the women talking on one side and their vaginas shown in close-up on the other."
What exactly do you say to that? She was ice-cool, I was a gibbering blushing wreck...
(H-Man, Fri 21 Jan 2005, 14:33, Reply)

A story an old housemate of mine used to tell us...
He had been applying for jobs after leaving University, and unfortunatly mid job-hunt he was taken into hospital to have his appendix removed. During his recovery he was accepted for an interview for a famous large computing company. H.A.L., or something. Anyway he couldn't really turn down this opportunity so off he went to the interview, still slightly in pain from his recent op.
The interview was going well, but his smart clothes were causing his appendix scar to 'ache like buggery', so he promptly informed the interviewer that he 'had just had his appendix out and it was still causing him pain' and 'would they mind if he took off his trousers'.

Which he promptly did, and finished the interview in his boxers.

He tells us he was offered the job as well, but turned it down.
( ArghZombies No longer has a Leaky QUIM, Fri 21 Jan 2005, 9:13, Reply)

Wine, Women, Song and Tumbleweed.
As I have an incredibly important interview this afternoon I'm finding this page incredibly useful. I now have no excuse for humiliating myself, though it does bring back painful memories of my Playstation 2 Magazine interview.

I was just out of University and had, after writing some sample reviews, been invited to an interview in Bath. The prospect of spending my professional life playing games and then writing about them was, unsurprisingly, something that rather appealed to me. The night before the interview I went out for 'a couple of pints' to calm my nerves. In retrospect, this was a mistake.

I woke up with a hangover that was as hideous as any I've had before or since. I missed my planned train to London, almost burst into tears on the underground, got on the wrong train at Paddington, had to wait at Reading for a new train to Bath, vomited on the train to Bath, sweated Stella for the entire journey and then arrived an hour late claiming that 'the trains had let me down.'

When I eventually heaved my pale, shuddering, vomit specked body up the stairs and into the interview room I proceeded to make an utter fool of myself by forgetting everything I knew about Playstations. The editor tried to throw me a rope, but all I managed to do was hang myself with it. My finest moments included telling him that my favourite kind of game was, "something strategic' and that my favourite game was something that had never been released on a Playstation.

But I saved the coup de grace for the final five minutes. On being asked the, by now all too obvious to everyone, question , "What are your major weaknesses," I perked up slightly and leered, "Wine, Women and Song!"

The silence was deafening.


(I simply refuse to apologise for my length)
(Slipperduke, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 13:52, Reply)

I had an interview at NIKE
in Holland, the train journey took me so long to get to the interview I didn;t really fancy the job so when the interviewer asked me "So, what do you know about NIKE ?" I answerd "Your shoes are made by 12 years old children in illegal sweatshoops in Asia"

Funny thing is the interview carried on and I got a full show around all the offices and complex - I didn't get the job though, they said I was 'over qualified'
( Darryn.R, Thu 20 Jan 2005, 12:30, Reply)

Not me, but
some guys I knew (actually leaders of the church I attended at the time) were members of the local fire department (and farmers the rest of the time), and they were looking for someone to replace a departing member. So they began to interview people.

Their third candidate was a guy who had bandages and blisters all over his hands. After asking him about a half dozen questions one guy said, "So why do you have all those blisters on your hands? Do you masturbate that much?"

After a moment of shocked silence the guy asked, "Why, is that where you get yours?"

Turned out he was a welder in his day job. And yes, he got the position.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 20 Jan 2005, 10:30, Reply)

shitty interview
my very first job interview was a very lowly position in an advertising agency.

intimidated by the long leggedy blondes, the chrome and steel, I found myself caught short whilst waiting so asked for directions to the thunderbox.

having dropped my groceries I proceeded to wipe my arse. Catching the long tail of my white shirt between arse and paper.

faced with the prospect of being interviewed by said long leggedy blondes stinking of shit, I was forced to wash my shirt tail down the pan as best I could, and do the interview sitting in a monstrous damp patch.

after the interview I retreated from the room backwards and fled.

I never got the job. Bastards.
(PinkFairy, Mon 24 Jan 2005, 14:15, Reply)