Annoying woman and kids on a plane.
Oh sitting in those sardine tins in the sky is great isn't it? Especially the budget airline ones are fantastic. Im suprised they dont put us in boxes and rack us up like luggage to be honest.

But I guess the annoying part is the fact that the cheap air fares open up the skys to those that perhaps, arent of the social standing to travel. My earlier post about visitors coming to see me now I live abroad is a perfect example of that.

But on a particular flight one day to Spain. Me and my now ex was getting particularly annoyed with a woman sat infront of us, who had two unruly and hyperactive children.

The first thing she did was get herself and her kids to put the seats right back. Now why in sardine class, they allow you to put your seats back leaving the person behind you with their faces pinned to the back of your seat is beyond me. But its incredibly annoying, and its invasion of your own limited space.

Now I understand that kids get bored on planes and stuff. But this woman just couldn't control them. And the guy she was with did nothing to help either. He just sat there like a zombie, no doubt monged out on drugs.

The kids were running upa nd down the plane knocking into us, kicking the seats and generally being noisey and violent with each other.

The woman was one of those council scum class type of people who talk with their tounges in the back of their throats. After listening to her squarking on for about an hour and swearing at her kids I had completely had enough. But held my temper for the sake of peace.

Now the karma came when the plane was landing. A fault occured on one of the engines meaning we had to crash land. She and her scruffy kids perished. But I survived!! hahaha!

Sadly that didnt happen. But both her kids spewed up all over her during landing. Probaly due to a deadly mix of too much coca cola and endless supply of chocolate she was ramming down their throats. The cabin crew were unable to supply her with any cleaning stuff as they were seated for final approach. So she had to sit there, and arrived in Sunny Spain covered in spew.

Me and the ex smiled to each other and muttered "haha Karma!" to her as we disembarked. Felt bad for the cleaners though! I saw her again at the lost luggage counter at the airport as well!
(Miggyman, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 8:53, 31 replies)

Ah the chaverati, dontcha just love 'em!
I was once in Puerto Plata airport departure lounge watching a couple who made Wayne and Waynetta Slob look like paragons of etiquette and decorum, he was manfully working his way through several beers (@7 A:M)and two hamburgers whilst she kept hauling her shell suit bottoms over her sweaty fat arse to cover the slag stamp on the small of her back whilst chain-smoking for England. Their male offspring (luckily only the one) was toddling about clad in a nappy, England shirt, both ears pierced and some of Lizzie Duke's finest goldette chains around both wrists and neck. The little drooling snot monster took a shine to my carry on luggage and, despite my moving several times continued to try to sit on it, god alone knows why.
The mother of this devil spawn eventually looked over and shouted "RAAAAMBO, LEAVE THAT GEEZER ALONE FOR FACK'S SAKE YOU TWAT".

Some people shouldn't be allowed out of Saaarfend.

They're allowed to vote too.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 10:43, closed)

Morning, Captain...
You never know: it could've been "Rimbaud" rather than "Rambo". Just about. Possibly. Oh, please god, let it have been "Rimbaud".
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 10:53, closed)

@Enzyme
It wouldn't have been Rimbaud though. You know that really, don't you?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:01, closed)

vommy karma
When I were a young 'un, my family all went for a weekend away in the west country, staying with my god parents, but stopping off at another place on the way for lunch. I got given unlimited ice cream (for a 4 year-old, that is the Best Thing Ever), so ate about 3 bowls of the stuff. We got back in the car, drove for another 2 hours, and just as we pulled into the drive of my godparents house, I vommed the whole lot up in a bright pink honking tidal wave. Fortunately their dog licked me (and the car) clean. Ewww. I have never overdosed on icecream since.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:03, closed)

@K2k6
*releases grasp of straw*

@BobFossil
Unilimited icecream is pretty top-hole for a 31-year-old, too...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:09, closed)

lol at captin placid!
Your reply is better than my original post :)
(Miggyman, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:16, closed)

@Enzyme
I've now graduated onto wanting unlimited laphroaigh...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:18, closed)

Recently
I've tended to feel overwhelmingly sorry for the children of the 'fuckwit folk'. It really does sadden me to think about the army of poor kids who will never experience the pleasures of reading a book without pictures in, or enjoy music that doesn't involve over amplified bass and a synthesized melody. More so that they will never even consider, let alone attempt to achieve their full potential.

I was raised on benefits in a council house, but take some pride from the fact that I have worked since 18 and own my home, and that I provide a stable and loving environment for my daughter to flourish. I realise unfortunately that I don't appear to have an entrepreneurial gift or other such talent that will allow me to leap into the upper social castes, but am resigned to striving to provide my daughter with more opportunity than was afforded to me.

I could almost cry at the thought of a generation of populace having no ambition beyond the aim to get 'proper monged' as often as possible.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:20, closed)

@Bob Fossil
Unlimited Laphroaig would probably have the same effect as the ice cream. Only the dog might not be so quick to lick it up! And you would probably remember less of the event.

Actually it's not my favourite tipple. More phenols than TCP.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:23, closed)

@k2k6
I don't think I'd drink myself into oblivion. That would be a waste of some rather good whisky.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:30, closed)

@ Enzyme
It would be nice to think they named their child after a 19th century poet.



More likely their rottweiler though.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:38, closed)

Laphroaig...
I'm with K2k6 here - Laphroaig reminds me somewhat of diesel. But a nice glass of Oban, Aberlour or Talisker, on the other hand...

Indeed: why not combine the two? I make a wicked honey and whisky icecream.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:39, closed)

Enzyme
please can you bring some of this lovely-sounding ice-cream to the bash on 5th march, if you're coming? Sounds tasty...

I agree that Talisker is even better than laphroaigh. It's also quite a lot more expensive, so I only have it on rare occasions. On a related note, I had some Suntory (sp?) the other day, it was quite nice in a very spicy sort of way.
[Edit: I'm not that keen on Aberlour at all. Dunno why]
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:49, closed)

@BobFossil
Ice cream + train from Manchester... sorry. Looks doomed. But I'm thinking of having a small b3ta gathering some time in the summer for the peepz that I like, so I'll make a mental note.

Prolly can't make it for Chickenlady's do after all. That makes me glum.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 12:00, closed)

Vomit-enhanced travel
Oh God... was on a Virgin Cross Country service from Bristol to Newcastle a few years ago. Guy got on at Birmingham, utterly out of his skull on what was probably a cocktail of cheap alcohol (you could smell it as soon as he got on the train) and proceeded to sit in the same carriage, but about half a dozen rows behind me.

Now, I don't know if it was the motion of the train, or the fact that the air conditioning was broken, rendering the carriage a sauna-like environment, but about 15 minutes after leaving Birmingham he proceeded to spew his guts up all over the (empty seat) next to him. The heat of the carriage soon ripened the chunky carrot mix so that the acidic aroma spread itself warmly amonst the other passengers. I spent the next 3 hours sitting with the smell of warm vomit wafting my nasal passages, unable to move because the train was (pardon the pun) heaving...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 12:24, closed)

Train bastard kids
I was on my regular commute home and was having a bit of a kip prior to the onslaught of the little lurkaloids.. there was a woman and two kids in the seats behind me and the daughter insisted on hitting/kicking or otherwise leaning against my seatback. The seat I was at wasn't full height so my head was actually on top of the seat back (it wasn't uncomfortable except for the kid) After a couple of times asking nicely if she would stop I took matters into my own hands and the next time she sat with her head against mine (facing backwards) I swung my head forward and then backward and reverse-headbutted her. It wasn't a lot of motion but the physics of it made her sit the fuck down and leave me alone for the rest of the trip.

Some people should be sterilized so as not to perpetuate the rudeness of their own generation.

I love the train
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:31, closed)

@ everyone talking about Scotch
Pft! Irish whiskey is where it's at. That Scotch stuff tastes like Dettol.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:31, closed)

The one and only time I fly first class
as work were paying, I have a screaming baby in the next bed over from me.

FOR ELEVEN FUCKING HOURS!

EDIT: I haven't touched whiskey since I was 15, the smell makes me gag even now; and that was thirteen years ago.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:33, closed)

Whisky...
Fucking horrible stuff. Bleeeeuuucch!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:09, closed)

I can't believe...
...a thread about Whisky has gone on for this long without somebody touting the merits of Lagavulin. I'm more with the Laphroaig camp on this debate, favouring the peaty Islay ones, so Lagavulin suits me down to the ground as it tastes like a well-matured compost heap.

Not sure I'd put it into ice cream though...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:44, closed)

@CHCB
Only the peaty whiskies (Islay malts especially) taste Dettol-like. Most of the Speyside ones are much smoother.

Rather fine in fact. With a drop of water to tame the fire, they go down very well.

But even as a Scot I must admit that my alcoholic beverage of choice is actually from the other side of the planet - Aussie reds. Shiraz and Durif in particular.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:45, closed)

Aussie Reds
ooooo, I can get involved now. Best australian reds have to be Cabernet Sauvignons from the west coast. You cannot find them outside of australia (damned shame) but if you are ever down under, hunt some out.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 15:08, closed)

^
Wakefield Clare Valley Shiraz. I can't find it anywhere these days but it is one of the nicest wines I've ever tasted. Absolute bliss in a bottle.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 16:06, closed)

Leapfrog
Or Laphroaig, is a wonderful chunk of peaty goodness, a bit too much for some tastes. Try a Springbank for a lighter dram. If like me you can get a bit financially challenged at times, Black Bottle, while a blend, has a very high proportion of Islay malts. Highland Park is also sheer yumminess.

As for the Irish heresies, I did try John Powers Gold Label years ago and very nice too, but please learn to spell Whisky properly.

Much better an expensive blend than a cheap malt.

Unfortunately I have given up/been banned from Scotch due to being an old fat knacker with duff knees trying to regain some fitness at the wrinkly old age of 36, plus it makes me aggressive and I shout at politicians on TV a lot.

Sniff.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 16:18, closed)

My tuppenceworth
Sam Trimboli's Dark Corner Oak-Aged Durif. New South Wales. Laithwaites sell it. Not cheap, but v. nice.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 16:44, closed)

@osok
Whiskey.
It's got a feckin 'e' in it, innit.
http://www.feckinwhiskey.com/
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 17:26, closed)

Only for those...
Of a gaelic disposition.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 21:27, closed)

bunnahabhain for me

33? yup

Cambridge united fan? uh huh

own far too many manga, comics and sci fi books? why yes

member of the Scotch malt whisky society? indeed

single? how did you guess.
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 21:29, closed)

@ greencloud
As much as I detest chavs, I agree that it's the kids of them who suffer the most. I know what you mean about dragging yourself up as well - I'm luckily now in Switzerland doing a postdoc position bringing up two great daughters whereas most of the other kids from the council estate I grew up on are inside.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 26 Feb 2008, 21:37, closed)

Laphroaig! Laphroaig on both your houses!
Give me Oban any day- although Famous Grouse is pretty nice too for a blend.

(I have to admit, though, at the moment I have some of the $20/bottle stuff, as I can't afford proper whisky. And it's spelled without the "e" if it's scotch- Jack Daniels is whiskey.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 21:42, closed)

Weighing in to the whisky discussion:
I agree with Halfy, bunnahabhain is delicious, so sweet and smooth for an island distillery. I'm stuck in the arse end of America at the moment (well... technically the middle, Oklahoma), so good scotch is hard to find. Had a glenlivet in a bar a few days ago though, mmmm that was good.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 2:36, closed)