Dear Hayley
I'm very sorry that despite all your wonderful qualities I still left you. You really were a tremendously sweet person, intelligent, articulate, artistic, passionate, had a killer body that I just loved to stare at...

I know I told you it was because we were moving apart and I didn't think a long distance thing would work but really it was just because the sex wasn't very good and wasn't getting appreciably better with time. The simple logistics of you being 5ft 3, petite and a virgin when we met and me being 6ft tall and making no apologies for length meant I literally couldn't enjoy sex. It was like arms length sex, if I leaned in for a kiss you winced in pain, I'm not a complete bastard so that didn't just turn me on more!

I hope you've found a kind, loving, considerate dwarf that makes you very happy.

MattyLion

*commence flaming*

The salient details are relevant because I genuinely feel bad that the reason for the split was so shallow, everything else about this girl was perfect.
( JebediahSpringfield, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 11:37, 40 replies)

That decision is going to haunt you to your grave.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 11:41, closed)

Possibly...
I did consider whether with time and the right instruments we might be able to make it work!
( JebediahSpringfield, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 11:47, closed)

Having read some of your previous entries...
...I'm astounded that a man with your MASIVE prowess couldn't warm her up even a little.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:09, closed)

My 5' 0" daughter and her 6' 5" tall fiance are very happy
though of course I don't ask about their more private arrangements.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 12:10, closed)

Maybe
he's got a 3" cock?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 12:18, closed)

...And maybe she likes it that wide.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:11, closed)

Do they fuck a lot? I mean, they've both quite young, I don't see why they wouldn't fuck a lot, what with them being in a couple.
Does he spunk on her tummy because he doesn't want to get her knocked up? I once saw a girl turn a condom inside out and suck out the contents, does she do that? I should say I saw the girl do it in a film, I don't think she really enjoyed it but she pretended she did. She looked up at the camera afterwards and gave a knowing wink. Do you reckon your daughter does things like that?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:28, closed)

you're a weird one gonz
really


quite funny though
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:39, closed)

I don't know what's wrong with me =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:49, closed)

"private arrangements"?
she's got a Hollywood!
(likeajackhammer, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:31, closed)

I bet you drive a really powerful car too.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 12:34, closed)

c'mon now
he may knock your head off with his massive dong!

maybe he is so inherently ugly that her vagina would close up in repulsion
(likeajackhammer, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:01, closed)

Like a Honda Accord?
(Just throwing it out there)
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:15, closed)

Something with a REALLY long bonnet.
Just to y'know, reinforce the message he'd trying to convey here.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:16, closed)

hang on...
you were fucking a child?
(likeajackhammer, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 12:59, closed)

Haha, reply of the day.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:08, closed)

was...
was the reason for the split that her split was too shallow?
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:19, closed)

I've got a massive penis,
and you don't hear me banging on about my massive penis all the time on the internet. People don't tend to like people who brag about having a massive penis, so I tend to keep the fact I have a massive penis to myself.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:24, closed)

You should have told Snugglesnacks about your MASSIVE penis.
You might have gotten somewhere with her then.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:29, closed)

I don't like to brag about it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:33, closed)

've got 'm
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:38, closed)

*slow clap*
oh... well done Geoffrey
(likeajackhammer, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:41, closed)

Twenty whole minutes that took.
*slow hand clap*
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:43, closed)

Zing!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:43, closed)

*finger guns*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 14:09, closed)

I used to have a massive penis
A really enormous dork. A stupendous dick. Then I divorced him.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 8:28, closed)

Oh man, I know what you mean, I had a massive penis too, it was to big and I couldn't get it more than half way inside anyone.
But after I won the lottery, I got it reduced to a more manageable 10 inches.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:29, closed)

She's probably lucky you never had sex with her.
Men with large penises are always rubbish in bed.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:39, closed)

Whichever way you read this, I don't come out of this too well.
:(
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:40, closed)

you're assuming there are only two sizes of penis here.
Perhaps you're simply "somewhere in the middle" thus allowing you to come out of it with all forms of honour intact?

I can't believe I'm defending the size of your cock, man. This place has ruined me.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 14:05, closed)

Hahahahahahahaha
B3ta ... WINS!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 14:26, closed)

I think, really, everybody loses.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 14:30, closed)

Nah
I've come out of it
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 18:42, closed)

I've certainly lost this one, just by reading the thread.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 2:15, closed)

That's why some of us never go to bed.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 14:08, closed)

Did you have a massive penis when you were forcing 10 year olds to cry and run around in a state of undress?

( Theoban What of it, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 13:48, closed)

I can't believe you didn't just take her up the wrong 'un.
A small handful of "I Can't Believe Its Not Butter" and you're sorted.
( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 17:01, closed)

I can't believe it's not (man) batter

(danceswithferrets is leaking sanity, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 18:16, closed)

Devil's advocate?
Some people actually *do* have large penises. Of course, it's much funnier to joke that in fact he's compensating. And despite what your favourite websites might tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to me. I've been in the position several times, with several women, where it simply won't fit (yes, despite all the obvious things to do to make her more 'ready')

I can't even quite imagine how *little* the rather improbably-endowed male porn stars actually enjoy sex.
(DjArcas, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 20:31, closed)

So what you're saying is you have a great big
Honda Accord?
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 10 Mar 2010, 21:37, closed)