london underground 2
following the excellent post below...

NEXT TRAIN

"UXBRIDGE 1 MIN
HEATHROW 2 MINS
RAYNERS LANE 3 MINS"

bollocks. this sign, and every other like it all around the network, is a written lie. so are the ones on bus stops which lie (i) about which number bus is due and (ii) how long it will take to arrive and (iii) how long it will take to get you anywhere near your destination and (iv) whether it will terminate unexpectedly and throw you off, making you incur another oyster charge to get on a new one/break down/hit the bus in front of it en route.

unless minutes have more than 60 seconds in them for transport for london. like, say, 60,000 seconds per minute, because that is how long each "minute" lasts in real time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:17, 29 replies)

London tube minutes
I once asked a friend who works for the tube about this, and he told me that the '1 minute' is based on the assumption that the train is actually moving. So a train stuck just outside the station and stationary for 30 minutes will still show up as '1 minute'.
So now you know.
(davywavy, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:20, closed)

ah
thanks for that!

of course, it only reinforces my opinion that TFL are a shower of fucktards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:28, closed)

This about sums it up
www.backingblair.co.uk/london_underground/

Never a truer sentiment sung, in my opinion.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:28, closed)

so true
yesterday they came up with a load of fatuous nonsense about signal failures meaning that baker street essentially came to a standstill - you'd think that after 100+ years of operations, they would have worked out how to rectify any signalling problems by now.

best excuse for delay ever though:
'we apologise for the delay. the train behind us is faulty, so we must wait in the station'
WTF?!!!
( ascorbate, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:34, closed)

yup
that song is the anthem!

my train pulled up to earls court the other night, then stopped in the dark. for about 20 mins. hot, sweaty, crowded and gropey.

"sorry for delay," the non english speaking driver mumbled eventually. "the trains at earls court are stuck with no drivers. we must wait for the drivers."

earls court is hardly at the beginning/end of the line. how the hell did the trains get there without drivers? did the drivers get out and walk off? what?

also, have you noticed how they always time their important announcements just as a train rushes past?

"essential information for anyone travelling into london tonight SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH"

cock sucking monkey spacktards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:45, closed)

The buses stop halfway every other trip for me.
I don't swipe when I get on the next one, I'd like to see them justify throwing me off on a journey I've paid for.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:47, closed)

Public transport
Yep, it's a shower of shit. Couple of years back I'd put the car in for a service and got the train to work from Manningtree to Colchester. Approx ten miles and roughly fifteen minutes journey time.

Less than a mile outside Colchester, the train ground to a halt and just sat there. Nothing... Minutes passed... More minutes passed...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but the train in front of us has broken down. We are waiting for it to be restarted before we can proceed to the station"

I could have walked the remaining few hundred yards, but no doubt some health and safety nazi would be waiting to throw me into a stalag somewhere for daring to exit a stationary train.

All of a sudden, the train jolted into life and lurched forward. Forty yards later we stopped again. More time passed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, apologies for the delay once more. The train in front has been restarted, but has subsequently broken down again. We are waiting for it to be moved before we can allow passengers off the train".

Fuckers.

More time passed. At this point, I was bored of playing I Spy. The doors were clamped shut, but I could see the platform. I was forty minutes late for work and fuming.

"Ladies and gentlemen. The train in front has been successfully restarted and is continuing on it's journey. However, WE have in fact broken down and are awaiting a maintenence team".

I'm all for bringing back public lynchings.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:53, closed)

Not just the UK
My parents were once on holiday in Canada and the US. They were visiting people in Toronto and took a train to Michigan to see some other folk. The train broke down en route. However, they were allowed out of the carriage, but seeing as how this was in the middle of nowhere they couldn't actually go anywhere. So they had to stand out in 100°F heat for a couple of hours until the train got going again.

And then of course there was US immigration...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 11:00, closed)

Funny...
There's such a range of excuses they give, but never:

- We haven't got enough trains or drivers because they'd dent our profits.
- We haven't maintained the tracks because that would dent our profits
- We haven't updated systems for years because...
- We don't care what you think because you just keep using the trains, no matter how bad they are
(frankspencer, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 11:24, closed)

Or...
We're shit. Sorry.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Dec 2007, 12:12, closed)

Um.....
Trust me, we don't delay trains for a laugh...

Most of the time, it's equipment failure (seeing how a certain government thought it would be a good idea to privatise everything not nailed down, while telling us to run more trains) as trains and signals.etc are subjected to increasing demand - however, more often than not, it's stuff outside our control that fecks things up - like the little toerags who decided to throw bricks off a footbridge as I was going underneath it last week at 75mph, or the wonderful excuse for a human being who shat in a carriage and smeared it over the windows and seats last month...

Still, that's what we get for letting bus companies run the railways....
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 12:38, closed)

Coopsweb
I apologise wholeheartedly.

I think most people realise that most things are out of the hands of the individuals who work for rail companies.

And you're absolutely right about letting bus companies run rail franchises. Here up north we are losing GNER (admittedly because they totally stuffed up financially) and Virgin Cross Country, to be replaced by... National Express and Arriva (who lost the local branch line franchise for being shit). Christ...

In the days of 'competition' I find it deeply ironic that of the 4 ways to get to London, the bus and rail franchises are run by the same feckin company. So where's the choice?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Dec 2007, 12:51, closed)

I have never
had a problem with public transport. Therefore, you're all wrong.
( Mitsy, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 12:55, closed)

Coopsweb
It's not the people... It's the whole shambolic organisation and politics which annoys me.

For decades, the money hasn't been spent on transport infrastructure and we need quick fixes on everything which has been neglected in the last fifty years. Our road network is the same.

However, I'd feel a whole lot happier seeing the public flogging of ministers responsible for the fact my 40 year old train is still breaking down and making me late for work.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 4 Dec 2007, 13:00, closed)

Eh?
'my train pulled up to earls court the other night, then stopped in the dark. for about 20 mins. hot, sweaty, crowded and gropey.'

Gropey?
I've been on all kinds of trains in my life but never a gropey one.

Does that mean I'm not pretty or something?
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 14:02, closed)

i've
been groped more times on the tube than anywhere else.

and that includes a week in sicily and several nights out in walkabout...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 14:09, closed)

Groped
That I can indeed vouch for, I'm sure I once groped you on a tube train.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 4 Dec 2007, 14:21, closed)

yup
gropey, pickpockety, sicky - all hazards of TFL vehicles.
it's such a delight.
but if you walk/cycle, you almost die from lung cancer minutes after leaving the house, due to the ridiculous pollution levels in london.
gah.
( ascorbate, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 14:26, closed)

Hurrah for Londoners whining about their properly integrated public transport which is mostly reliable an readily availiable!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 15:17, closed)

true enough
london transport sucks, but it's way better than in glasgow (the only other major uk city i've lived in) - at least we occasionally have public transport here.
( ascorbate, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 15:47, closed)

Dodgy old trains
that belong in a museum. On the over-ground at least. Once on a broke-down train when the driver announced he had been advised to "try turning it off and back on again". Thought he was going to ask us to close the windows first.
(middleofnowhere, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 15:47, closed)

yeah
but how much more do we pay for it? my journey from kensington to uxbridge is about 10 miles and it costs about £4.00 for a single trip; £43 per week or about £2,000 for a year.

to travel 10 miles.

and every year it goes up. and up. and up.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 16:01, closed)

All you metropolitan whiners should try living out in rural Suffolk..
..then you'll know what poor, unreliable public trasport REALLY is.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 16:25, closed)

How terribly exciting...

...to know I may share a train with Miss Swipe every morning. 8:20 from Hammersmith towards Uxbridge *shudders* you can share my pain au chocolate.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 16:33, closed)

I guess that means I'm just not pretty then *sniff*
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 16:36, closed)

but if we did live in the middle of nowhere, we'd just buy cars...
At Waterloo the other day I heard "blah blah blah delay blah blah due to congestion at the station"

What the hell? More trains than you were expecting or something? What's a timetable for then?

Wankers.

And as the song goes -- I want my fucking money back.
(Exiled Youth [witty comment], Tue 4 Dec 2007, 16:39, closed)

the tubes are so shit
that i now drive. even the a40 where people constantly manage to crash despite it only being a straight fucking line is better than the tube.

but if you've got pain au chocolat, i might consider picking you up, just wave it in the air like a hitchhiker.

i have a stupid flash 2 seater though, and often have a mate in the passenger seat, so you might have to sit on her knee? she's quite offensively fit so i shouldn't have thought you'd mind too much...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 16:48, closed)

me and coopsweb ......
work in the rail industry.

Quick!! Quick!! Blame us!!!
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Wed 5 Dec 2007, 10:52, closed)

I wouldn't mind

However my girlfriend might.

Looks like it's the sweaty tube and a copy of the Metro for me, just remeber don't make eye contact, it's like signing your own death warrant!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2007, 10:53, closed)