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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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I went to work on a Monday.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:21, 21 replies)
Took it for a drink on tuesday, you were making love on wednesday?

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:25, closed)
Pretty much what I was thinking.
AWESOME, I guess.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:30, closed)
u ok bbz? x

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:26, closed)
fnx babez 1 day @ a time init

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 14:38, closed)
I'm surprised you had time, what with all the posts you do on b3ta.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:38, closed)
Racist.

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:52, closed)
So did I.
But all I really did was warm the desk and pretend I wasn't hungover.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 13:59, closed)
This is exactly what I did

(I helped save b3ta! Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 14:28, closed)
I'm glad I don't have a shit job where I need to turn up and pretend to work.
That must be fucking depressing.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 14:37, closed)
Are you that tedious that your colleagues welcome your absence?

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:09, closed)
What job do you have?

(kurm1s didn't exist until, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:40, closed)
One where I'm paid for results rather than making myself visible in an office chair.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:48, closed)

results the number of posts I make on b3ta
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:52, closed)
I'm only paid when people respond.
Ker-ching!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 17:08, closed)
Lend us a tenner?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 20:29, closed)
Ker-ching!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:19, closed)
Twenty?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:25, closed)
It is

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 16:42, closed)
*meaningful and productive job fives*

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 19:20, closed)
*job well done fist bumps*

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:19, closed)
..and making love by wednesday and thursday and friday and saturday and chilled on sunday?

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 21:14, closed)

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