Shagrihardon
Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo SWEETEEZE!!!!!!

Many long Gallifreyan years ago, when I was in one of my male incarnations, I was quite perverted. I used to visit all the fleshpots of the universe to indulge my sordid tastes: Florana, Thoros Beta, Varos, Spaceworld, Dulkis (don’t believe their oh so innocent PR – those Dulcians are filthy cunts), Maraphash, the Jap’s Eye of Orion, pre-Federation Peladon, Chipping Sodbury – you name it, I went there and fucked myself empty there.

Anyway anyway, one time I found myself in Deltaphok Spaceport, waiting for my TARDIS to finish rebloxulating its pedestrian infrastructure. I had some hours to kill, so I went to the spaceport bar – a seedy place, albeit with a great view of the arriving and departing ships. It was shabby, like a 1990s Terran hotel, all grey carpets, steel tubing, glass-topped tables (which could be turned to – interesting uses, if you get my drift), blue lighting, dusty blinds, and dead moths in the windowsills.

As I sat there nursing my pint of lukewarm Space Stella and watching the to-ings and fro-ings of the various life-forms, I noticed a female humanoid at the bar, sitting delectably on a barstool and twiddling with the straws in her fantastically precarious-looking cocktail. Although my juices were spent from weeks of sexual activity, I felt my Time Lord cock stirring at the sight of this frisky, foxsome female.

She was tall and skinny and wore great big shiny black boots, fishnet tights, and a skirt so short it looked more like a pussy pelmet. On her top half she wore a psychedelic shimmering multicoloured T-Shirt and a leather biker jacket. Her hair – her HAIR! – was a cataclysmic explosion of every colour under the sun, fashioned in the popular Spragnalla style. Facially, she resembled a hot sexy sizzling cross between Pris off of out of Blade Runner, Lady Gaga, and Joanna Lumley.

No WONDER my Time Lord cock was boinging away nineteen to the dozen! (I sometimes miss my cock. But then I remember I have tits. Lovely, small – but pert – tits).

I had to, HAD to, HADDD to speak to this tartilicious vision of pulchritudinous phwoarness. And so I downed the remainder of my Space Stella, left my table and approached the bar.

‘Hello,’ I said. ‘I am Doctor Skagra. I am a Time Lord. I want to sleep with you. Now!’ (I don’t believe in faffing and farting around).

‘Oooh you’re a bit fast!’ shrilled the gorgeous creature. ‘Buy us a drink first, you cunt.’

Charmed by her forthright manner, I bought her another Taran Motherfucker cocktail, which she started to slurp greedily through a straw. I but could but not but help imagine those lips around the end of my Time Lord cock, sucking and sucking and slobbering and sucking until I went all off over her face, hair and tits.

‘What’s your name?’ I asked.

‘Shagrihardon,’ she replied, between slurps of Taran Motherfucker.

‘That’s an interesting name,’ I said.

‘Huh.’ She swallowed the dregs of the Taran Motherfucker. ‘So you wanna fuck me?’

My Time Lord boner was now as hard as a milk bottle. ‘Very much,’ I gasped.

‘Well it’s your lucky night, cunt, cos I could do with a right good fuckerage. Your place or mine?’

My TARDIS was out of bounds – the rebloxulating would take at least another ten hours. ‘Yours.’

She pouted and looked disappointed. ‘Oh. Well. OK but, you have to know, I live with my mum – so we’ll have to be quiet.’

‘That’s fine with me, Shagrihardon,’ I said, and we walked hand in hand from the bar and took a taxi back to her mum’s place in the seedy residential area beneath the spaceport. With feline stealth Shagrihardon unlocked the front door and we crept upstairs past the living-room where we could hear Shagrihardon’s mum watching some shite soap space opera.

Well not to put too fine a point of it, mere seconds after entering her room, I was entering Shagrihardon. She was bouncing on the end of my Time Lord cock like a thing possessed! It was the best sex I’d had for a long while and my hearts were hammering away like buggery.

But during our throes of ecstasy, suddenly a bellowing voice!

‘Shagrihardon!’

It was her mum, calling from downstairs!

We kept it up, trying to block out the intrusion.

‘SHAGRIHARDON! Your tea’s ready!’

Shagrihardon kept bouncing up and down on my Time Lord cock, her face a mask of combined concentration and frustration.

‘SHAGRIHARDON!’ bellowed the voice again.

The evening went rapidly downhill from there.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 21:18, 18 replies)

Dr Who is a children's television programme.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 21:49, closed)

A shit, camp children's TV program
that should have been cancelled in 1974.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 22:05, closed)

It's for children, of course it's shit and camp.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 22:08, closed)

oh is that what this shit is all about?
i never bothered reading it.

mind you, i've never wasted my life watching "dr who" either.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 22:12, closed)

I used to watch it when it was Sylvester McCoy.
And I watched that one with Katherine Jenkins in it, but only because she's a hot piece of ass.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 22:17, closed)

Short version: "I fantasise about underage aliens"

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 22:42, closed)

You're worse than Rob Fatbelm.

(McChinaman banned, Wed 3 Sep 2014, 23:27, closed)

I hope you die in a fire
Or are otherwise mildly inconvenienced forever, preferably by aggressive anal cancer.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 1:37, closed)

I hope that one day someone prints all of these in a big book and then beats you to death with it.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 9:16, closed)

Brilliant
Ignore the vermin, you rock. More please.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 9:27, closed)

what?
seriously... what?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 9:30, closed)

5.9.83.79/questions/bugs_and_feature_requests/post2361475
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 9:54, closed)

I like it. I dont know why I like it, but I do.

Normally I probably wouldn't
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 12:08, closed)

This is like a demented cross between Kilgore Trout and the stories out of Razzle
(cs1ca, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 10:01, closed)

I don't approve of this venture into pseudo porno tales. I may reconsider my support of your style.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 11:01, closed)

O sweeties
Great to know I am so beloved.

But then, it's only natural. Who could NOT love the wonderful, super smexy meee?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 12:18, closed)

You don't need to work blue.
Your material is better than that.
( Pig Bodine., Thu 4 Sep 2014, 12:41, closed)

You should travel back in time
and go fuck yourself.
( Muns, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 12:58, closed)