Pies
These are, to be honest, my real nemesis.

Although I don't look like a traditional obsessive pie eater - a few on here can testify to that (honest) - they are my nemesis. There was a time when I would have lunch every die which would consist of pies - many pies.

Standard lunch would be from Greggs - 2x pies, a sausage roll and a muffin. That was if I was feeling like I needed variety - otherwise it'd be 3 or 4 pies a time.

In fact, if I didn't have one, I'd crave one and make excuses to nip out for one - from anywhere....

Think of Homer Simpson's reaction to doughnuts - MMMmmmmm, pies....

I'm on a health kick now and the first week of pie cold turkey was the hardest as I felt like I needed pies all the time - not wanted, needed.

I no longer crave them or, to be honest, even want one. Although, what'll happen if I walk past Greggs and I smell that pastry goodness is another matter....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 6 May 2010, 11:57, 5 replies)

Bloody hippies that think everyone's equal, and everyone should have the right to vote.
As soon as I’m voted in as Grand High Poobah Dictator of Earth And All That Is Glorious, I’m going to stop all this bloody nonsense about everyone having the right to vote, I tell you.

I mean – how many column inches last week were dedicated to what sort of shoes Samantha Cameron was wearing?!

Really - there should be a test - just a basic one - on what the main parties and their policies are. Fail = no vote.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 6 May 2010, 11:35, 3 replies)

All wrong
Nemesis is an openly gay pop music duo consisting of the identical twin brothers Jacob and Joshua Miller. The pair can be differentiated by their hair colors; Jacob is blond, while Joshua's hair is brown. Joshua is also a few minutes older than Jacob.
(babyaeroplanes, Thu 6 May 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Nigel Farage
Not a personal nemesis per se but certainly someone whose views and general demeanour have much the same effect on me as the norovirus. For the uninitiated: Nigel = former head of UKIP and diverter of vital votes - a crazed narcissist with a face you'd love to punch all day then slam neck-deep up goatse.

Mr Farage badly needs to crash his helicopter on election day and die. Oh, wait, hang on - he just did! Actually his injuries are described as non-life-threatening but I'm sure somebody here at b3ta knows a nurse who will take 'special' care of him at Horton General...
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 6 May 2010, 10:26, Reply)

The ex-boss I mentioned in the "annoying words" thread
Sorry, but I'm just going to have to mention that unbelievably cunty cafe owner again. He was guilty of the following:
* Deciding his cafe would look more sophisticated with a smattering of French words on the daily specials menu, then spelling them all Del-Boy style. So "coulis" became "cooley", "jus"(pretentious word for gravy) became "juice" etc. He point blank refused to accept his spelling mistakes and flew into a rage if they were pointed out.
* Giving us a 50p an hour pay rise (we were on the minimum wage prior to this) and then guilt-tripping us about it constantly.
* Telling customers all his ingredients were "ethically-sourced from local suppliers" when none of them were (unless you count the local branch of Tescos).
* Watering down his spirits and using jam instead of fruit in the smoothies, while charging customers over £2 for a small glass of each.
* Flirting with all female staff under 20, shagging as many as possible and then making their job hell if they got jealous of other women.
* Having the most tedious cocaine-induced mood swings imaginable.
* Giving us teamwork lectures of the style that begin "Guess who pays your wages, folks? It's not me, it's the customers! Who are we going to impress, today?"
...and finally, sacking people (usually women) without notice or pay, refusing to pay sick leave (common in cafes) and only giving people contracts when they threatened legal action.

There, it's off my chest now...
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 6 May 2010, 10:01, 4 replies)

Conservative voters
For some reason, I find them incredibly offensive. I think it's the grandiose sense of over-inflated self-entitlement that does it.

Although at least they vote. The apathetic idiots who choose not to vote and then complain when the state fucks up have no right to moan.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 6 May 2010, 9:47, 58 replies)

I am my own worst enemy
At 25 I said to myself that it was time to "get healthy". When I got close to 30 it was a similar story - losing weight would only get harder with age, so that was the time. Now I am 35 and whilst I'm 15kg down from my heaviest, this morning I still tipped the scales at 140kg. Being over 6' stops me lookng like a ball and a fair amount of regular exercise has helped stave off any medical complications to date but a massive sweet tooth and near addiction to cheese have prevented any real headway being made.

I know that I need to change but the will power just doesn't seem to be there while my inner arch nemesis always points out when Ben & Jerries is on offer at the local supermarket.

/re-lurks
( ForecastMonkey, Thu 6 May 2010, 9:16, 4 replies)

Topical…
Thatcher and her successors. Get out and vote.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Thu 6 May 2010, 8:31, 3 replies)

Horace
I grow vegetables.
I did try to grow them as organically and ethically as possible.
This meant dealing with pests, slugs and snails in a humane manner.
Deter or remove without killing them.
This involves time consuming things like,
Companion planting.
Laying down eco friendly deterrants, like sharp gravel or crushed up eggshells, copper strips around tender seedlings. etc
Prowling the plot at night with a torch to find any slugs and snails and throwing them over a fence into the wilderness beyond.
And then after months of this ,finally realisation dawned that none of those methods really worked after I met Horace.
Horace first turned up in my bed of oak leaf lettuce.
As snails go, he was a pretty handsome specimen, with bands of pink and grey swirls and a funny little dent in the top of his shell.
I picked him up, threw him over the wall, along with several other of his slimy brethren.
The next night I found him snacking on my radishes.
I recognised the dent and picking him up I wagged my finger at him before chucking him over the fence again.
About the 5th or 6th time I picked the little sucker up at night , is when I named him.
Before chucking him over the wall again.
The next night he was there again and he waved his slimy antenna at me in a very cheeky manner, I swear one of them withdrew and then winked at me before I picked him up and hurled him over the wall again.
It was then i decided it was war.
Out went the humane approach and in came the beer traps to lure and drown those slimy little veg chompers.
And the piles of salt in narrow trays laid between my precious veg.
I chucked all the dead slugs and snails I found each morning into my compost bin
Horace was never amongst them.
Thats because every flipping night I found him smugly and snuggly tucked under some tender seedling grinning at me, before i chucked him over the wall again .
I developed a sort of grudging respect for the tenacious little fella.

I dont know what the life span for the average garden snail is, but if Horace turns up again this year I may just either have to stamp on him or give him his own personal veg patch
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 6 May 2010, 1:18, 8 replies)

Jamie Oliver
He's my free bullet (no comebacks). Fat tongued twat. Spouting on about healthy eating when clearly he's no Weightwatcher himself. I'd fight him - with a broccoli and a carrot. And I'd win.
(ShockerMocker, Wed 5 May 2010, 23:45, 8 replies)