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This is a question My Arch-nemesis

I lived in fear of a Darth Vader-esque school dinner lady who stood me perpetually at the naughty table for refusing to eat mushy peas. An ordeal made worse after I was caught spooning the accursed veg into her wellies. Who, we ask, has wrecked your life?

Thanks to Philly G for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:01)
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My Arch-Nemesis
was my first girlfriend who I now know to be a complete and utter cunt of the highest order. Sadistic and twisted, cruel and patronising. Evil, manipulative. Horrible. This isn't a kind of "she tore my heart out and ruined my life". Those kind of stories are for diaries and crap poems.

Instead I'll tell you how she liked to behave. The first six months of our time together was fine, a bit rocky since it was my first real relationship with someone, and I figured I'd have to take the highs with the lows. Then it gradually descended into just a real abusive horrible relationship in which I felt trapped. I mean, I was no 100% perfect boyfriend since I had no idea how being with someone was meant to go, especially at the age of 15/16. But conversely I don't remember doing anything henious in order to warrent these horrible episodes. One of the problems was that she was a year older than me and I was still in many ways a child. Unable to stay out too late because of parental worries, etc.

Some choice cuts were:

- Arguing about something, and then her initiating make-up sex, and at the point of climax, getting off me and standing over me, shouting and screaming, continuing the argument, leaving me spasmodically writhing in a fucking horrible intense mix of pain and pleasure.

- Flinging an entire pint over me at a club night I'd gone to just to give my demo tape to a local band. She threw the pint at me - totally unprovoked - then fled the club. Cue two hours of searching the city for her, only to find her hanging over the edge of the riverbank threatening to jump because it "was all my fault". I coaxed her back over the edge, which she responded to by smashing me across the face, letting my glasses fly and crack on the pavement (and then me doing a kind of "Daphne-from-Scooby-Doo-pat-the-floor-because-can't-see-anything" impression, as is often reminded to me by my friends and witnesses of the night). That night, because I was so confused as to what had happened, I did the worst thing and left my friends in Cardiff with no money or any way home so I could take my girlfriend home in the car. All the way home she pummelled shit out of me as I drove her to her house. (Similar thing happened in V festival in 2002, when she forced me to leave my friends in Staffordshire because she'd argued with her friend - my best mate's girlfriend.)

- Forcing me to try to get off with some strange guy at a club because she thought I was "bisexual but afraid to express it". When I told her I didn't want to, she threatened to leave me and spill all my secrets to friends and relatives (since I was younger and it was her who introduced me to drink and drugs mainly, she had a lot of shit she could spill to get me into a lot of shit with my family).

- Nearer the end of the relationship, I remember spending four hours on public transport to go visit her in university only to be delayed by half an hour because of train troubles. I got off at her stop, with a bouquet of flowers, which she took off me and stamped into the floor, giving me a huge torrent of shit about why I was so late and inconsiderate. She stormed off and we didn't talk for the whole weekend.

- Driving to university to see her for the weekend with her sister, to whom she told she'd fucked some guy the night before. When I got upset about this, she said "Don't be a fucking crybaby, it was just a fuck."

- Hearing her father had been caught with child porn on his PC, which meant he had all his computer equipment taken off him. Months later, he asked me to set up a new computer in his office, which I declined to do. When she heard this, she battered shit out of me for not supporting her father. (He got off all charged of child pornography possession, by the way.)

- Forcing me to leave her house after an argument, then lying underneath my car so I couldn't drive away, screaming at the neighbours about how she would kill herself and I'd be responsible.

There are many, many more instances which prove that she was a horrible person, but I am 100% convinced that I have repressed these memories just because they are so disgusting and horrible.

I can't express enough how much I felt trapped in this relationship. I didn't know how to end it, plus her endless shower of abuse and terror made me scared to leave. At the end, after three years of this, I tried my best to tell her it was over, but she would still come to my house and act like nothing had happened. She would not pay attention to the fact that I wanted to end it. I didn't know what to do.

So, I fucked her sister.

Plenty of times. When she was sleeping in the next room, too. I would fuck her, tell her I was leaving for a cigarette, then go and fuck her sister.

This carried on for a couple of months, then I moved away to university and started a new relationship with someone far far better. I went home on the Christmas holidays, having already told her on the phone that I was seeing someone else, and found her crumpled in a pile on the floor of her room. I told her it was definitely over for good. In her last-ditch attempt to keep me, she tore off my trousers and gave me a teary-eyed, desperate blowjob. I pushed her away and left, never saw her again.

I was told some months afterwards that she intended to sue me for giving her a cold (from stress), which turned into a chest infection, which turned into pneumonia, which - apparently - could have killed her with her bad asthma. Part of me wishes it had.

I'm told now she's engaged to someone in Manchester. The poor cunt.

Apologies for length (but her sister didn't complain).
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 11:31, 44 replies)
Was her sister a supermodel did you Honda her Accord blah blah di fucking tired blah.
No, seriously. That was a shit thing you did, but you were in a shit situation, and having experienced mental relationships I know how hard it is to do the decent thing without suffering intense agony. Generally, they have to push you over the edge before you can leave. Minor details of place and time aside, as well as the fucking her sister thing, I went out with this sort of girl too.
It was actually about a year afterwards that I was reading something about the definition of abusive relationships and something clicked. 'Hang on...that was me!'.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 11:40, closed)
i realise
it was a pretty shit thing to do. Funny thing was though, that her sister was kind of perturbed by her behaviour too, and we got to know each other really well using her fucked-upness as a kind of mutual talking point.

It's weird to say "abusive relationship" without the stigma of the obvious wife-beater type trope, but it really was one of the worst things imaginable. Mental anguish as well as physical abuse. The horrible cunt.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:19, closed)
If this is real
Then ... wow. She's proper certifiable material. Feeling bad for shagging her sister - nah - not unless she was equally mental.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:08, closed)
i'm afraid
its 100% real. Sigh
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:56, closed)
"I coaxed her back over the edge"
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:13, closed)
... shit. Missed a trick there.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 12:19, closed)
Zombie fucking Christ
And I thought I'd dated some nut cases!
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:32, closed)
the thing
that got me through this was my best mate's advice. "Listen man, not all girls are like that."
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:40, closed)
You have my sympathies
I personally would not have kissed the guy in the club though.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:41, closed)
my attempts
at trying to get off with the guy were painful and stunted. Saving that story for a future qotw :)
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:53, closed)
Jeezus Christ
Sorry mate, I thought that my soon-to-be ex-wife was nuts, but that takes the biscuit. I'm not sure if that's of any comfort to you or not though! ;-)
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:49, closed)
for the replies all, didn't realise I had it quite *that* bad.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 13:54, closed)
Even allowing for some artistic licence
she still pisses all over all the basketcases I've ever gone out with - and there have been a number. :-/
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 15:03, closed)
a happy epilogue
to this horrifying compendium of terror is that her best friend ended up going out with my best friend, who now live together with a fantastic five year old daughter and are expecting a baby boy in July this year. If it weren't for this horrible excuse for a girlfriend, these things wouldn't have happened.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 15:23, closed)
I hope this wins.
It has too much awesome.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 16:24, closed)
thank you!
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 22:48, closed)
shitting christ
You poor, poor bastard. Never had anything nearly that bad but I can relate to not even realizing you're in a shitty relationship until the claws are well and truly in.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 17:04, closed)
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 17:19, closed)
'Arguing about something, and then her initiating make-up sex, and at the point of climax, getting off me and standing over me, shouting and screaming, continuing the argument, leaving me spasmodically writhing in a fucking horrible intense mix of pain
and pleasure.'

You loved it.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 17:46, closed)
I still remember
how it feels and i'm still waiting for a word to be invented to describe it.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 22:45, closed)

Worth a click though - only cos you knobbed her sister!
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 18:34, closed)
serious control freak
whenever a bitch like that threatens to kill themselves, just say "go on, then," and walk away. you take their power over you with you when you go.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 19:30, closed)
i think that
was the problem. The fact I was still very young and frankly terrified that she might actually go through with it chilled me. The fucking manipulative whore.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 22:50, closed)
just remembered
she also told me once that she'd miscarried "our child" in the toilet of her workplace. I dont know the logistics of this, but hearing that as a sixteen year old gave me the strangest sense of fear, relief, disgust and self-loathing ever.
(, Tue 4 May 2010, 22:51, closed)
The bit about her sister made me laugh though.
That's some proper mental shit.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 1:52, closed)
for adding all these replies but i keep remembering bits.

When we broke up FINALLY, she sent me a notepad she'd been writing in since we'd been going out. It was a strange mix of loved-up superlatives and intense insanity. The last few pages were horrible, about "her life without me" and how much she wanted to die and shit like that. She'd coated it in perfume I'd bought her, so if I ever see that book now, it's like she's in the room. EUGH
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 8:51, closed)
You mean you kept it?

(, Wed 5 May 2010, 9:16, closed)
how on earth
could i get rid of such an artifact of terror like that? Years from now it'll be discovered and burned at a stake to appease the God Of Horrible Fucking Girlfriends
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 9:56, closed)
Get rid of it
Any reminders of bad times that only bring you down need destroying.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 10:34, closed)
I concur.
You don't necessarily ned to burn it at the stake, you can just throw it out. Sometimes a bit of ritual in cleansing your life of these artifacts helps, sometimes it's best to give their passing all the care and attention they deserve i.e. no more than coffe grounds or chip wrappers.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 10:45, closed)
I'm well over all that stuff now
so that reading it gives me a sense of bathos - it's so ridiculous and trite that it's a laugh to read it back. I'm a different person now, whether that's directly down to her influence or not I don't know. I don't think I'll throw it out - it's a kind of reminder to those hellish three years that I managed to endure and, ultimately, come out stronger.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:20, closed)
instant clickage!
Jesus dude, how did you put up with that shit for so long?? well played on the sister btw! did you compare the two during lonely moments, or even to the other and say "But that's not what your sister likes...."? (me + coat = exits)

so... needs to be asked, is said psycho on Facebook and are you friends with her??? or do you want to avoid further abuse like random poking now that you're good and free?
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:26, closed)
i only put up with it
because I had no idea how to properly end it. Combine that with the fact she used to threaten me by saying she'd tell my parents I'd fucked around with drugs and stuff, I was just too scared to know what to do. She tried to add me on facebook about a year ago, I never accepted the request. In a spell of misguided curiosity, I looked through all her photos (before FB had the privacy setting) and saw a picture of her with her sister. Made me think I was James Bond for a minute.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:22, closed)
"Nearer the end of the relationship, I remember spending four hours on public transport to go visit her in university only to be delayed by half an hour because of train troubles. I got off at her stop, with a bouquet of flowers, which she took off me and stamped into the floor, giving me a huge torrent of shit about why I was so late and inconsiderate. She stormed off and we didn't talk for the whole weekend."

I'd have been straight back on that train I think, but shit man, that can't have been easy for you. Especially as a first proper relationship.

Never more has someone needed to be c'd in the f.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:12, closed)
thinking back
getting back on the train would have been the best bet. But imagine a young teenager, in London on his own, having just been bollocked for NO REASON by his supposed girlfriend. It was a different story, I was scared and confused. Horrible times.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:23, closed)
Christ and I thought my female "nemesis" was nuts - I feel another post coming on...
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 13:26, closed)
'I like this' isn't appropriate for the story but you definitely have my click

(, Wed 5 May 2010, 14:03, closed)
thanks to all
for all the clicks!
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 15:31, closed)
Maybe you should acknowledge that your behaviour contributed to the situation. By painting your self as younger and more naive, you are trying to absolve your self for taking responsibility.
Maybe you 'enabled' her. Maybe you should have been stronger from the start.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:48, closed)
that is the case. But I'll respond by saying that it's a hell of a lot more difficult to be "strong" for someone when they're treating you in the manner described above. I obviously am not absolving myself of all blame, but honestly, all I can remember is being confused and scared by how she behaved with no provocation. It would be a different story if I'd been a cunt and hit her or mentally tortured her. But I did not, nor did I ever want to (during the relationship).

Are you just suggesting that I "enabled" her to do these things because I wasn't strong due to the fact I was young and naive? If I could be anything but naive during that time, trust me, I would have been. If my naivety contributed to her attitude, then surely she should have told me? When I tried to be strong and leave, then she reacted terribly. I don't know.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:56, closed)
I wasn't going to say anything...
But I got out of something very similar a while ago, and I'm wayyy older than you were, very much old enough to know better. But I didn't, so I don't think you should be hard on yourself, because inexperience is not always good protection from people like that.
And that's why I'm not Sparky anymore...
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:10, closed)
like I mentioned
above, it was also the fact that she was manipulative and controlling, giving me threats if I did leave her, threats to kill herself etc. I guess that stuff is horrible no matter what age you are.

Glad you got out of the similar relationship. I firmly believe that my time with her was very damaging in many ways indeed.
(, Thu 6 May 2010, 9:48, closed)
Sorry, I cant rememeber which way round these letters go. Maybe someone can help in rearranging. MUTF
(, Thu 6 May 2010, 13:12, closed)
for your input. "MTFU" perhaps? Very enlightening. I didn't realise it was wrong and "not manly" of me to feel hurt and confused by blatantly irrational abusive behaviour. I didn't post this looking for advice, it's just a story of a few years of my life. I still can't quite get at what your original reply was suggesting. Obviously if I were stronger at that time then things would have been different, but I wasn't. So, whatever.
(, Thu 6 May 2010, 13:21, closed)

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