I love 2009!
So far, nobody (in my immediate life) has died or gotten cancer, I haven't had a nasty accident and my boyfriend and I are still together.

We just booked a fishing vacation for June, and are going to see Billy Joel/Elton John together in concert in March.

I'm the happiest I ever have been - I really actually mean that.

Life is fucking GREAT!!!!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 4:16, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HI GUYS
How are you all?
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 23:59, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today
is my 5 year divorce anniversary. It has been a good 5 years and I am pleased with the results.

Just thought you all should know.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 22 Jan 2009, 21:07, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

.

Alabama.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 19:02, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can we ask for your advice please?
We've just opened a letter from a production company called Monkey Kingdom, who are making a new documentary for channel 4 about weddings. They're asking if we'd be interested in taking part, as "Gretna Green is the most iconic wedding location in the UK."

"Monkey Kingdom" makes me think of Bert, ergo that's a good omen. The company's address is, "3rd Floor Biscuit Building", which makes me think of Mrs Bin and her biscuits.

Should we enquire?

DG is having a Best Woman and I'm hoping to have our very own Pooflake as my Bridesman....

Also, I'm planning to bake CDC biscuits, iced magenta, to decorate the table instead of sugared almonds.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 18:56, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Curious Kitty
You know how everyone has a certain sound or feeling that goes right through them, eg. nails on a blackboard, forks on a plate, that kind of thing?

Can anyone explain why thinking of those kind of things sends that little shiver through you?



...or is that just me?

Lately I've found that I've inadvertantly used Pavlov's conditioning on myself by thinking of these things when I go past a certain station on my way home, it's driving me mad!!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 15:20, 42 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it true?
I found this article (ok, it was sent to me by somebody taking the piss out of us noble Brits) and I thought it was a load of bollocks. Maybe.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/21/more-britons-than-america_n_159719.html

What do you think? Should the 'merkins feel ashamed? Are the Brits annnoying wankers who'd rather queue than live? Does anyone care?

Laters potaters
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 11:58, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

IT spam question
I'm looking to buy an external hardrive, but when I look through websites there seems to be very little to distinguish one from another.

Any advice as to price, brand, where to buy etc I reckon 500 gig should keep me happy for now.


Thanking you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 11:18, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Spotify - think it only works on teh macs
Online jukebox thing, pretty good.

Here is the link to get past the invite only page
https://www.spotify.com/en/get-started/

Is that the right spelling of past, where is my mind?
(sirolimus, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 9:48, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

David Brin
I'm reading Brightness Reef at the moment.

It's pretty weird, even by my standards.

Has anyone read his stuff, and is it worth persevering?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 8:46, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A bit of leathery fluff for Bert
Found this and thought of you Bertie dear...

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 8:43, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Killer tracks that no-one knows
Hey up.

Sitting here with the old itunes playing stuff on shuffle, and my all-time fave 'song that no-one else knows' just came on. "Tinseltown in the Rain" by The Blue Nile - how can this track never have been a huge hit? It's epic, sweeping, soaring, majectic...you get the idea. Meanwhile, joe and jane public clamour to buy the latest release from whatever mong won X-factor - twunts.

What's your fave track that no-one else knows?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 22 Jan 2009, 8:00, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning!
I haven't been around much the past couple of days... the nightshift guy thought it'd be a good idea to get Sky+ in the office, so I've been staring at the Discovery channels all day.

What do you like to watch? Or is TV an evil hag-bastard?


( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 7:50, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's time for the story to continue...

Previously...



( Cawl, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 2:17, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Being a charitable being
I am sorting out a new idea to raise money for charities.

I call it "Pound A Round", where a pub/club/other drinking establishment has a charity box on the bar, and with every round bought, the buyer pops a pound into the box.

What say ye, and who can assist with such things*?

*charity boxes (maybe you know someone who makes them?), pubs (maybe you know a landlord or two?), etc.

There is a website currently under development, I can gaz the link if required.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 22:49, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh god...
I just got this from CNN.com:

Firefighters: Flaming Squirrel To Blame In Jones Wildfire

JONES, Okla. -- A squirrel caught fire, sparking a blaze Wednesday morning that resulted in the evacuation of an elementary school in Jones, fire officials said.

Investigators said the squirrel touched two power lines at the same time and fell to the ground near Britton and Hiawassee roads.

==========================

Okay, which one of the b3tans is a reporter in Oklahoma City? This has to have been spawned by one of us...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 21 Jan 2009, 20:04, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ooh starting the day and evening threads!
I feel weirdly proud...


I had a stupidly long day
And I have to do the same but slightly longer tomorrow :(

Lots of cute farmers there though ;) I may have fixed the raffle so a particularly cute one won :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 18:45, 172 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Obama leaps into action


The Japanese are kind of mental.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 18:21, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'!
For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

7TH PLACE:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5TH PLACE:
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burgled by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.

4TH PLACE:
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella Awards when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

3RD PLACE:
Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2ND PLACE:
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ...oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

1ST PLACE:
Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit.

You can't fix stupid ..and now its profitable !!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 15:04, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As so many people spend a lot of their working day here, I wonder

what do you all do and conversely what would your perfect job be?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 14:45, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yes, I'd like a big canvas print of myself please...
Warning: MASSIVE SPOILER!

www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/01/20/the-secret-identity-of-top-gear-s-stig-revealed-115875-21056047/

Wonder what colour he'll come back as this time?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 13:23, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

yippee
It's Wednesday.
I'm at work.
and thanks to Son of sam, back visting b3ta.
he's a very nice man, a very, very nice man.

just thought you should know.
(bugboybeast, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 10:12, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So it's stupid o clock


Have some grumpy badger hugs!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 6:43, 174 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Vivid imagery
Earlier this evening I asked the kids if they were thirsty. The youngest replied that she was so thirsty that her throat was "as dry as a dead bug in the desert".

That's pretty dry I'd say.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 21 Jan 2009, 2:34, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A momentous day in the history of this Planet
So it finally happened.

Today.

Tuesday, 20th Jan, 2009.

At 5pm UK time, 12pm Eastern Time.

After much anticipation....I posted my first message, and was promptly called a 'Cunt' by Althegeordie.

I was gonna ask you all which B3TA legend abused you when u lost your cherry, but you know how that goes...

EDIT: Oh, forgot, Bert Monkeysex was nice, so that made it all better
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:14, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's the Tuesday night thread.
Sit down, relax, and type away...


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 19:04, 125 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fluffeh!
Let's all reply to this post with pictures of mummy and baby animals. I'll start.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 17:50, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

tasteless????
I just had a few days off work.

This morning as soon as my supervisor was out of the room I logged onto b3ta.

Well in fact I didn't.

In my absence, some no-good goody two shoes has installed filters on our servers, and b3ta is no longer allowed because it's "Tasteless".

Tasteless. of course is f*ckin tasteless- its a website, you'd be amazed if you logged on and you could taste strawberries, or dog poo.

Semantics aside- I could still log onto "facebook", "daily sport" or even the "daily Mail" {shudders}. Which in my opinion are waaaay more tasteless than clever, witty, and inspiring b3ta.

Good bye workplace chat chums I shall miss you between the hours of 8- 5.

{gently sobs}
(bugboybeast, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 17:43, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)