Good Morning Children.
During the current bad weather the wife's car has started first time every morning.
Thank providence for improved technology.
What do you thank providence for?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:28, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Prudent financial advice
I am currently praying to whatever deity crosses my mind at the time for a favourable editing team at the BBC. Does that count?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:40, Reply)

Definitely.
You'll need all the help you can get.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I was watching the show last night for the first time since I went on it
Was a bit weird to see the set like that again. I hadn't realised that the camera swoops in behind the contestants, I'd been operating under the impression that as long as I wasn't answering a question I could look as slovenly as I liked
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:05, Reply)

did you wear arseless chaps?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:07, Reply)

They wouldn't let me :-(
I kept my hands behind my back throughout because they were embarrasingly sweaty, shaky and wringing in that nervous way that I do when I'm really fucking nervous. It appears that in April or May the entire nation will be able to see this.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:09, Reply)

I look forward to mocking you
I may have to get your phone number and call you to mock you vocally when it is on.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:11, Reply)

'Twould be my pleasure to endure such verbal mockery
Although you may have to call me before the show airs, I doubt you'll be the only person with this idea
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:16, Reply)

very true
I suggest a conference call
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Eugh, I hope, for the sake of Ms Foxtrot, that you don't get equally nervous before dancing competitions.

Well done by the way. Did you get "Which footballer, the first to cost £1 million, scored the winning goal in the 1979 European Cup Final" as the decisive final question?
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Trevor Francis
Sadly not, it was something to do with the Samaritans. I can remember surprisingly few of my questions, one was about the nationality of Murali, another had the answer "ursine", struggling apart from that.

For some reason I was much more nervous taking part in a quiz in front of Anne Robinson, 8 strangers and a few technical people than I ever have been attempting to dance in front of 1,000 people, most of whom are more accomplished than I am
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:29, Reply)

was she mean to you?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I think I did alright against her
She inferred that Norwich is a backwater (fair), had a pop at my ear furniture (expected), said "I assume you don't have a girlfriend" (very much expected). Compared to hanging out on B3ta it was a walk in the park
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Did you have to
PUT YOUR BOARD DOWN
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Yes I did
Much as expected, Anne asked me to demonstrate some Ballroom. I told her it was a partner dance and she refused to dance with me so I got away with it

Thank fuck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

did you win?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I did indeed, £2,610
Which is why I don't mind the idea of you or anyone else mocking me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:29, Reply)

that's excellent
good work!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Thank you :-)
Am struggling to step back from the borders of insufferability
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:32, Reply)

ooh I didn't know this
congratufuckinglations, that's fantastic! I'm very pleased for you.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Thanks honey
Very kind of you. Really sorry to hear about your unfortunateness of late
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

ahh it's reet
door closing, window opening and all that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Good attitude
Especially if your next career is as a cat burglar
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Ooh, ooh, I thought of another one
The most inept Australian bowling attack in living memory. Or Alastair Cook, depending upon how bullish I'm feeling.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Did you hear that various ex team players are offering to come out of retirement to help the Australian team.
They will be digging up Don Bradman next.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:59, Reply)

It's unsurprising, I suppose
As Xavier fucking Doherty has just been thumped all over Adelaide by the man he was supposed to terrorise, just because he's left-handed, the media were bound to cry out for the return of Warney. Says a lot about the depth of shit they find themselves in.

They can reanimate The Don for all I care, Jonathon Trott has a higher average in Ashes tests anyway. Slightly fewer games played, admittedly.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:03, Reply)

I care not a jot for cricket
but it is nice to see us shock the Aussies. Those smug cunts.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)

My friends got poppet to say things like "strewth" and then laughed heartily.
She loved it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

we had some training from an Aussie called Mick at work a while back
something wasn't working right so he called it a mongrel. That was excellent.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:13, Reply)

I want to go to Australia just so I can call chickens chooks

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Just play zelda

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Ooh Zelda, I haven't played that in ages
oh but I really should sew. Chompy you're a dick.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Zelda, I haven't played that in ages
oh but I really should sew. Chompy you're
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

unfortunately my flat is currently a dick free zone
ronery....
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I could tell by your posts to Noel.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:37, Reply)

I can't help myself
he so fiiiiine
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

The bastard,
I bet you reply to his emails and stuff.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

and call sausages snags

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I used to call coffee breaks smoko because that's what the crew called them when I was on the ship
I found out yesterday that originated in Aus.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Did they make excuses for you while you were on a smoko?
You strike me as someone who's used to being covered by seamen.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:37, Reply)

that was tenuous
and I was a child you sicko!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

We should bask in the glory while we can.
You would have thought that being basically british, the aussies would be ok with losing at sport.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I plan to bask harder than most
I was too young to properly appreciate it the last time we won an Ashes series in Australia and have endured the constant hurt of watching England being continually twatted by a truly great Aussie team on countless occasions since
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:10, Reply)

They're generally pretty good losers
but not when they lose so badly.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Just because the call him Xavier doesn't make it so.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:11, Reply)

I finally managed to undo the brake hose from your wife's car.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:57, Reply)

At fucking last!
You do realise the fee was based on a sliding scale factoring in time to completion?
You are down to 53 jelly beans now.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:08, Reply)

I had to wait for the snow to clear.
What's it like up your way at the moment?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Very cold.
Which means the snow and ice aren't giving in the slightest.
DG has had it worse but I measured the topping on the table in the back garden at 41cm.
And that's without drifting. Fucking horrible.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:14, Reply)

that's quite a lot of snow
where are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Sunderland.
It's just piled up and piled up with no real melt, especially as the part of the garden where that table is doesn't get any sun until late February.
Another table on the patio collapsed under the weight of snow hitting it as the stuff fell off the roof.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

bugger
I've seen fuck all. We had maybe a couple of inches in Exeter, over one night, and that's been about it.

Still stopped people from being able to drive though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I heard you only had a couple of inches
fnar fnar
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I heard that it doesn't matter if it's a couple of inches or a foot with you
because of your bucket
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:29, Reply)

I'd notice if it was a foot.
I've been kicked in the fanny before y'know.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

good ;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

In January the snow was so thick on our roof that it covered the skylights and it was pitch black in the flat all day
it was entertaining when it all slid off onto passers by though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Can't you just cover the table in syrup and let the kids eat it off?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

It's a slippery slope (no pun intended)
soon he'll just be pouring syrup on everything in the house instead of dusting.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Pfft.
That would take effort. I'm waiting for the dust bunnies to get hungry.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

good health, good friends and the love of a good woman
however, I had a really vivid dream that I won 10 grand last night. I could really do with 10 grand and was disappointed to find out that it was a dream when I woke up.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:02, Reply)

The prize money on Total Wipeout is £10K
That's next on my list of BBC game show ambitions
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:04, Reply)

do you have to get yourself to Buenos Aires?
you'd be better off going on the American one. They win a shitload more.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:05, Reply)

A colleague of mine said much the same
I imagine that the application process is harder, as there are around 250 million people living in America, all in peak physical condi.... oh!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Having never watched a single Twighlight film, I still dreamt of the fuckers last night.
Also good health, good friends and the love of a good woman, (your mum).
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)

she is a good woman
you'd be lucky
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Wow!
Pimping out your mum, right there.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:09, Reply)

not really

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Aw go on.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I dreamt I went to Specsavers to get my glasses fixed
I think my subconscious needs to be more ambitious.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

maybe your subconcious thinks your glasses are shit
have you heard anything yet?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:14, Reply)

yeah, totally got fired :(

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:18, Reply)

bummer
you alright?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:18, Reply)

aye I'm really not upset about it
I knew it was coming so I'm just going to use the opportunity to build my dragon empire. And stack up my Xbox achievements.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:21, Reply)

good girl

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:25, Reply)

LOL
/it's ok because I was nice to you about it earlier.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:18, Reply)

I have a headache Chompy and I don't know why

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:23, Reply)

This sounds like a feedline to a joke
but have you tried some paracetamol?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I've had two ibuprofen with my Lucky Charms
but it's not gone yet. That was only 45 mins ago though so maybe there's hope yet. It's the same kind of headache as the ones caused by my lenses, but I haven't worn lenses for ages. Stupid Vision Express, Imma sue their asses.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Have you had caffine yet?
Could be withdrawl, or dehydration, drink more water.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I've been up for an hour, of course I've had coffee.
It doesn't feel like a dehydration headache, if you get them a lot you can tell the difference.

It's subsiding a bit now though, yay for ibuprofen. My friend has stacks of codeine that the NHS kept giving her even though she's allergic so I'll get her to write me a prescription.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Sounds like a clear-cut case of bum-AIDS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Nah, I had my AIDS vaccine when I was kid

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Yeah, I bet it was a supository
and it was delivered by a "specialist"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Or just go back to bed

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I have to go to the fabric shop unfortunately
and as Manchester doesn't get up until about 11am it's dead quiet so I should really go out soon.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Unlucky mon.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

innit mon
oh man I would kill to be in Jamaica right now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:22, Reply)

True seh dat.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I checked my euromillions 3 times
because I was SHOCKED that I hadn't won anything.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:13, Reply)

I am almost completely certain
that I have never thanked providence for anything in my life.

That Lemmy film is excellent, by the way. There are quite a few 'actual LOL in the cinema' moments*, and seeing him with his son is really sweet. The Justin Hawkins scene is fucking hilarious.

*admittedly assisted by our snuck-in bottle of Jack Daniels
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:22, Reply)

what was the film called?
I still don't really know who Lemmy is so it's not like I'm going to go see it really, I just want to take an interest in your life Monty.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:25, Reply)

He's a bit like Justin Bieber.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:27, Reply)

hahaha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Lemmy and Justin Bieber
A match made in Heaven

Heaven a STEEL CAGE
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:32, Reply)

It's called 'Lemmy'
www.lemmymovie.com/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I think I would have gone for "Lemmy Entertain You"
or "Please, Please Lemmy Get What I Want This Time".
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:32, Reply)

The name comes from 'Lemme a fiver' apparently

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Not from his famous "Lemmy tell you a story" Max Bygraves impression, then?

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I was unaware of the existence of a Lemmy film

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:26, Reply)

It seems to be playing in Exeter tonight.
You should go, it's most entertaining.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

don't know when I will get back home tonight
and I need to spend the evening rogering my mrs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

the evening?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Don't worry, I'll cover for you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Such a gent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

rich parents cause student finance UK have fucked up my grant again.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:39, Reply)

they probably realised they were backing a lame horse

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

up
t

Those bounders. Still, if I know your gran she was probably begging for it any way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

The -9C that my car displayed this morning when the de-icer froze on my windscreen
That is fucking too cold!! That and my trip to Tescos to pick up Christmas presents for the kids to be told by order wasnt in yet, in direct contrast to the email that said it was there

GRRRR! I am sportscow, hear me roar (moo)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)