Protocol dilemma.
I got a text at half ten last night (from two of my very best friends who're about to have their second child) asking me what I am up to on Saturday. 'Staying over and looking after my child' I say. 'Baby shower/Xmas drinks at ours 2-4pm, bring Len if you like' is the reply.

Now my natural reaction is:

a) FUCK OFF 'baby shower'. This is not fucking America and the idea of fishing for gifts is absolutely disgusting to me. If I am going to buy a present for my friend's kid it's because I want to not because I feel obliged to. I am really quite offended by the idea.
b) Inviting me has clearly been a massive afterthought if I'm getting a text so near the day. Hardly leaves me time to get a gift (even if I was going to), does it?

But these are my best friends. Do I:

a) take it on the chin, get a last-minute present and go
b) tell them I have a huge moral objection to their suggestion and am rather upset by it - not to say disappointed in them.......or......
c) don't pass on my disgust, but don't go either and feed them a Jimmy Hill excuse?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:01, 37 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm a bad* person
so I'd probably go for c)

Baby showers are American wank, and I'd be a bit hurt anyway. Go round theirs in a couple of weeks and take them a present then instead

*perfectly reasonable, but not un-necessarily obliging
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:03, Reply)

As you said, you're not american, so B is out of the question
I'd say C
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

C)
It's not confrontational, and doesn't put you out.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

But it does make me a coward and a liar, no?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:08, Reply)

you could look at it like that
or you could choose to not do something that you disagree with, but not upset the applecart by telling them that you don't agree.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

You could argue that it does
But if you got confrontational about every perceived slight then nobody would want to know you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I don't think so
Just say you've got something planned with Len already. If they're your best friends they'll know you treasure your time with her.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

secret option d)
go, and then reveal that your gift is a preview screening of your new one man show: Monty Boyce - Prayerwank
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:08, Reply)

^ this. Definitely this.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Screening? I was thinking more 'exclusive live performance'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:18, Reply)

With Q&A session at the end?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Q T
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

that's what I meant
I got confused
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Go to this shower of shit
And don't get them a gift, point out - quite rightly - that you'll get the baby a gift when it's born.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Just go you antisocial prick

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I just 'lolled', and 'lolled' at a fairly high volume.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I'm american and i agree about baby showers. I've never been to one.
(You should know thought that baby showers are usually just for women; men generally aren't invited.)

Tell them that as a man you would feel just wrong to be at a traditionally woman's event being that you are a great believer in tradition; or fuck it and go with c.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

"take it on the chin" - "Jimmy Hill excuse"
Your taunting of Labia Majora has taken on a new shade of subtlety.


C: or possibly part C: and part A: If you think your daughter may actually enjoy it, give a reason why you can't get there until later/ or need to leave early.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:12, Reply)

He said chin a lot before he caught sight of my particularly unphotogenic facial appendage

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:15, Reply)

+s

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Seriously though
Sack off the shite baby shower and spend the day doing something both you and your daughter enjoy. It's not like you've got a lot of time left, so might as well make the most of it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Sadly I fear this is true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 13:21, Reply)

only question is
would len enjoy herself? and do you want to go, i guess.

if the answer to these is no, just say sorry you're busy but you look forward to seeing them and the baby soon.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Swipe look what I spotted
www.firebox.com/product/2601/22-Carat-Vodka

It looks a bit tacky sadly, but it's the thought that counts
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:14, Reply)

OMG THAT IS AWESOME

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I'm not seeing Len til about 5pm anyway:
I'm feeding/bathing/putting her to bed: my actual visit is the next morning.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Baby showers are for Women
I refused to go to my own sisters. Don't feel bad.
( Peej, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Just ignore the baby bit and just bring a non baby related gift for them
if it's xmas drinks then bring them some booze or nice food or something.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I'll get them one of those vacuum-packed
jazz mag ensembles - 'it's got a DVD in there and all'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I agree entirely about the principle of the baby shower.
Must admit when I first heard the term I assumed it was some sort of hygiene routine the midwife went through shortly after the birth and was mortally offended when I found out what it actually was*.

Therefore I suggest you go and give a more literal 'baby shower' by turning up and weeing all over their child.

*_{Ditto thinking originally that 'ethnic cleansing' was some sort of harmless religious ritual...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Jimmy Hill for me
call it diplomacy.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Go.
Give a copy of the Hendrix Box Set and a 'my first bong' kit.
Steal a bottle of quality spirits.
Raid drug cabinet.
Take a toy for Leni.
Tell host to never put you in the spot again or you will fucking stab him - friend or not.
Leave.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Just go and have fun with Len and your mates.
Take a bottle of booze.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I suggested he take a bottle of booze.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Buy a small, new born sized coffin
The bonus of this is that if they never have to use it, then their baby is still alive and they should thank God for such miracles
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Go, be nice. But dont take a present. You dont have to, and if theyre your best friends they wont mind.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Flippin' eck Boycey
You know who you sound exactly like don't you..........what is it with you men who feel the need to make an excuse for everything however small (no pun intended)?
Seriously tho, baby shower and inviting purchase of gifts is wank but then people have had wedding lists for years so what the hell.
You could of course just grin and bear it but say it was too late notice to get a gift due to your other commitments.....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 17:10, Reply)