I hate it when a previously unseen blemish on clothes makes itself apparent
more importantly though, while two presents I have bought have just been delivered, the one I ordered first, from Firebox, still hasn't fucking arrived. It should have been here long before the snow.

Stupid fucking Royal Mail.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:31, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm not saying that the Royal Mail are a bunch of thieving cunts
but the thieving cunts probably stole it
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

you are probably right
to be honest, I'm surprised they didn't steal the women's undies. The fucking perverts.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I have had so many parcels go missing/damaged
that I only shop from online retailers that have an excellent returns policy (amazon).

I try to avoid marketplace sellers for anything other than cheap 2nd hand books.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I've never had any problems before
and the main thing I'm waiting for is from Firebox
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

The roads are a mess.
It might not be their fault.
They are cunts though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

it should have been here a week ago

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I got my Firebox order sent to work
It's a ballsy postal worker who steals post from a forensics company.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

me too, that's the trouble
if I don't get it today or tomorrow I probably won't be able to get it until the 7th of January...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

In that case, set fire to the cunts

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Firebox always take ages to send stuff out in my experience
Usually worth it when it arrives though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

You're getting mixed up with Firecrotch

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

No-one wants Firecrotch
Unless you're into figging.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Feeeeelthy boy. I always knew you were a bit alternative, but this really is the limit...
Stuffing helpless figs up your rectum and setting light to them really is no way to meet a nice girl. Won't someone please think of the figs?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

The figs sign waivers first, it's all kosher

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

You got kosher figs? Oooooh, check you out!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Nah, they have exemplary customer service. My firetassled crotchless' have always been bang on time

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

bang
*Beavises*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Clit bang

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I haven't called anyone a clit-banger for ages
I've missed you round these parts jsbx.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I've missed her around these parts too
*gesticulates*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

nice
*fist bumps*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

*smiles smugly and nods*
*reciprocates fist bump*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

*gets magnifying glass*
Damn right you missed me, I can't even bloody see it!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I sent it to the garage for repairs and an oil change
This weather plays havoc on it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Detachable penis
That would account for so much. Steampunk cock
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Having to shovel the coal in is an added bonus

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:13, Reply)

scuttle... poker... steam pressure... train whistle... copper bottom... pressure vessel...
can't decide...

*brain melts*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Stop thinking about my cock.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:22, Reply)

You've got a copper bottomed cock?
I mean, I know you're alternative and you like your body mods and whatnot...but isn't that going a bit far?
(berk, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Flesh is inefficient
I'm like Tetsuo
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Hopefully less pyschotic

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I like to think so
I mean, you both slept in the same room as me and weren't woken by the sound of a powerdrill were you?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Oh, so that's what it was...
I thought it was just you snoring.
(berk, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:29, Reply)

BANG and the clit is gone.
Aww bless ya. I miss being here sometimes, but a short slap upside the head usually sorts that out ,) how's the tigmeister?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

He's warm.
Fat and warm. Et le Gizmond?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Aww bless him :)
Giz had a lump come up on his chin at the weekend which burst last night. On my hand. Because I was poking it :( never eat dinner and poke lumps people, it can never amount to anything good.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

you just can't get enough of being covered in slime can you?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Oh I just love it. So so much.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I thought as much

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I have been known to pick at Tigs
That's what being a parent is about
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:13, Reply)

alright there?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Alright love?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Good thanks
how have you been?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Not bad m'love, how are you doing?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Drinking brandy and hot chocolate
for a good start to the day. How's the work going?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:05, Reply)

It's not even midday yet. Bloody students!
Good thanks, not much going on today though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Welcome back to the internet!
How's tricks?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Is that the Calvin Klein's?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

yep
went and checked out the benefit stuff in boots the other day so I can recognise a fake when mine arrives
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

decided not to collect then?
And well done on that. Hope you looked at the brushes in particular :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

apparently they have moved to Plymouth
whether that is true or a "this is fake and I don't want to see you in person" thing I don't know

I did look at the brushes, and the overall quality was really quite good, so should hopefully be able to spot a fake. There's useful advice online about spotting fake benefit stuff too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

There's a benefit shop in my mum's hometown. I need to befriend the orange freaks that work there to get massive discounts

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I had to play a dangerous game in Boots when I was researching
I didn't want to be accosted by the clown-faced women
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:11, Reply)

They scare me a little
the one in my local Debenhams alarms me because she can't actually move her face. I wait till they're doing 10 or 20% off before I buy Benefit stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Oh they're terrifying alright, but the wares that they pimp are that good that I put up with their inane chatter long enough to try stuff and get the hell out.
I miss sephora :(
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)

this is true
I do love the Flawless stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:23, Reply)

wotcha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Alright Monty?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Apart from the pathological hatred of anything popular you mean?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

That's unfair - I don't hate you, do I?

Actually, hang on....yeah ok fair enough.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Not as far as I am aware, no.
You cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:49, Reply)

*beams with pride at own nasty gibe*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I hope you accidentally snort some Vim.
*shows age*

Can you still get Vim?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:53, Reply)

It's in the cleaning aisle next to the Vigour.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Pfft.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Also, I'm not a 'thing'.
You monster.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Feeling somewhat 'delicate' but generally OK about life.
But enough about my glitzy glamorous existence in the glare of the spotlight - HOW ARE YOU?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I'm good thanks, exams are finally over, so I'm at a bit of a loose end until my results come out in january.
It's been so long since I've had evenings to myself without having to study that I don't really know what to do with myself.

Edit: we should do tayyabs in january
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:54, Reply)

You missed yesterday's discussion on vajazzling, bex.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Oh man, I feel so unfulfilled!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:21, Reply)

It was a conversation of sparkling wit and repartee.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:23, Reply)

w cl
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 13:45, Reply)

That too.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)

It shall occur.
Al's been whinging to me about it, in that fat, annoying way he does, so I shall get it organised just to shut him up as much as anything else.

I propose a weekend so people can make bigger idiots of themselves.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Yeah, pick a Friday or Saturday so I can come.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

^this

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I will look at my childcare schedule
and propose a couple of dates. You and I shall go on the fucking rampage, young fellow-me-lad.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:05, Reply)

cunts
all of you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

would a weekday be better for you?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:08, Reply)

yeah, because then fewer other people could go

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I can make any day except sundays
if that changes your minds.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

considering I can't go for the foreseeable future
I don't really care
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:12, Reply)

considering you can't go for the foreseeable future
I don't really care
(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Fuck yes we shall

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Not the weekend of the 22nd please for I shall be a shutin then

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:15, Reply)

The Urban Decay stand in my local Debenhams
is staffed by a bloke who is even more orange and fake be-browed than the women. He's a lovely chap but he's more camp than a field of pink tents.
(berk, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:19, Reply)

The Post Office and all parcel carriers
take on extra staff at this time of year (obviously) – this means that a fair proportion of their delivery staff will, no matter how well or badly they do their jobs, be out of work in a few days. They have no incentive bar their own self-imposed morals (if they have any) to not rob every fucking parcel they can.

/runs home shopping business
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)

this is an excellent argument for booby-traps

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)

like a mousetrap in between them?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)

*rolls eyes*
I was thinking more like anthrax in the outer packaging
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Ignore him, he's just a randy little yokel.
They all get like that after a few scrumpys, I understand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

your breasts have outer packaging?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Breasts!

( Kroney, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:01, Reply)

*begrudging chuckle*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I do wear generally more than just a bra

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I do not approve of this behaviour.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Snow boots in this weather are necessary.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Well after my third ASBO
I was warned
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Anti Social Breast Order?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Precisely
I was bra'd over to keep the peace by the magistrate :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I bet he wanted to personally give your breasts a restraining order

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I bet he weighed up the situation.
"whey heeeey"
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:34, Reply)

pants?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Dec 2010, 12:05, Reply)