I finally finish work today!
I'll be honest with you, I intend to do very little.
My mother's dropped most of her glasses, so after work I have to get some cheap flutes for Chrimbo Buck's Fizz. I have to get them home on foot in the ice.

What will end in farce during your day?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:05, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

any attempt to perform constructive tasks
I am a wee bit fragile today after a little too much of the vino last night. My body is strongly recommending a return to bed, but alas I have to go and sit at my desk for some minimum amount of time.

Woe is me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:17, Reply)

Go on, go and be flesh on a chair
That's what I'll be doing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:24, Reply)

am in my chair
I've had a cup of green tea, some stale christmas cake and a glass of fanta and AMAZINGLY... I still feel bloody awful. 6 more hours, Roots, 6.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Unfortunatley I shall be very busy today : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:28, Reply)

I will be later because the flat is like a whooer's midden
but in work it should be ok.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:36, Reply)

I do have to leave work early though.
The dogs need walking and my mum is too poorly to take them.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Aw she still crook?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Just a cold on her chest.
She's 67 and although fit she needs to be careful.

The other day she felt ill and was having dizzy spells etc and was nearly going to call the ambulance. She sent my dad out to get my sister to look after her. The silly mare had took the dogs out for a walk in the cold and then come home and had a hot bath. No wonder she felt funny. My sister got there, put a cold compresson her head and five minutes later she felt ok. My sister said she rang the health help phoneline and spent half an hour giving the poor woman on the other side her history.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Parents eh? Who'd have em?

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

1 down, 1 to go!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Ha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:37, Reply)

I get to spend the day with one of my best friends who I've not seen in ages.
I'm excited. And no it's not my penis!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Whose penis is it?

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Yours

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Oddly enough I've not seen it in ages either.
I'll start my diet in the new year.
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I'll be seeing one of those on 29th
A long-lost friend, not a penis.
Well...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I finish work in about 45 minutes
so screw you all
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:16, Reply)

i finished on the 10th

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

you're a fucking student though
for people in the real world, finishing at 10 this morning is good going.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I finish tomorrow

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:21, Reply)

you see
this is why my finishing very soon today is good

although I do have to go into town and kill like 3 hours before my haircut appointment. Don't have any money to spend either :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:23, Reply)

If you're still in Brighton, just give a bender a wink
He'll buy drinks for you.

Oi, I said 'WINK'!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I have never been to Brighton

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Have you ever been to Scunthorpe?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I have not
not been to Dunstable either, except metaphorically
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Dottingham sounds like a place I might enjoy.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:39, Reply)

want me to take you to Dottingham?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Boi, I am Dottingham.
I'm certainly big enough to be a city. And I don't mind the odd "stabbing".
and I'm a mong.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

sounds hot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I have, in fact I put the "unth" into Scunthorpe.

Damn dyslexia - playing up again
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Also I've been to paradise, but oddly enough, I've never been to "me".

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I've been to Bagnelstown, but I've never been to Meath.
Dustin the Turkey/RTE LOLs.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

handy tip
nothing involving Dustin can ever be funny
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Eating the fucker for Xmas dinner would be a start.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Would be a good tagline for a d'n'b DJ.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Actually I originally mistyped it as Dame Dyslexia which works quite well id said DJ is female.
Oddly enough in the previous thread I originally typed Tard of Ale rather than yard. - I think my accidental posts are better than my proper ones.
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

We appreciate your earthy humour.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

You're too kind.

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

I thought that was where you were spending your weeks?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Blandford
in Dorset. Not been this week because of the snow though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Ah, I got one letter right!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

close enough for jazz

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

With you being agnostic AND anti-Christmas, I see no reason why you should finish at all.

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Shut it, haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

It seems a bit odd to make you go in at all when finishing so early.

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:22, Reply)

It's because I'm using up leave
and had to come in to take a Construction Skills Certification Scheme test anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:23, Reply)

That makes sense then.
We need all of our cabling engineers to have CSCS cards. Oddly the only one who failed the test was our best and most experienced engineer. Which he did by thinking too hard and looking for complex answers.
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I had to rachet my brain back a few notches
there were a couple of tricky ones this morning though. The most difficult are ones where it's something like "something bad is happening, do you a)speak to the guy doing it b) speak to his supervisor c) speak to your supervisor or d) go on a murderous rampage"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

e) skin up and enjoy the carnage.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Surely it's put on safety goggles, check that hammer head is securely attached to shaft and THEN go on murderous rampage

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

that's in a different section

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

You gone yet?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:37, Reply)

naa, still filling in my remarkably complicated final week timesheet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

six, twenty three, Thursday, five pm, one hundred

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

thanks :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

You bastard
I'm sure it's well earnt, but still, I'm allowed to express my jealousy with mild swearing.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:44, Reply)

yes, yes you are
also, last xmas present for mrs V just arrived!

everything is coming up Vipros!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

thing one

Obvious strikethrough is obvious.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Ah excellent! Glad they've all arrived
10.5 more hours of work for me to do, then I'm off for 10 days. I shall be spending these few remaining hours deciphering the retarded sprawlings that the finest examples of youth gang culture have shat onto each other's FB pages...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

me too!
sounds like fun. I've got to get the bus into town and kill some time before my haircut. I imagine I will spend most of the time selling some Wii games, buying Donkey Kong country and playing expensive guitars
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Good plan there
Does the shop have a sign saying "No Stairway to Heaven"?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

not as far as I know
I do a good rendition of it though, so probably would be allowed. The staff are very friendly as well, which is nice. Also, soundproofed rooms.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I have determined that I'm going to start drum lessons in the new year
So by about March I will either be better than Danny Carey or will have packed it all in because I still suck.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I have said this for the past three years
I have yet to manage it.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

You want to learn to play the drums?
But girls are only allowed to play bass guitar!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Drums are cool
bass guitar is not. The strings hurt my fingers. I have a normal guitar though (and a piano. and a saxophone)
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

The idea that I will achieve anything today other than faffing about on b3ta
but I shall schlep in shortly just to show willing.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:17, Reply)

I have a list of four things that must be done

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I'm not sure I've even got that
I'm still in bed ffs.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

GET UP!
Get on up, get on the scene, like a sex machine
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

*boogies*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Ha!
I wish I was a sex machine! *gets out ipod and plans to boogie in the lab later*
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Well if no-one else is about
you could surely manufacture a 'sex machine' out of what you have in the cupboard, 'A Team' style?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

in with
*boogies*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Haha!
*boogies back*
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

WAKE UP
it's a beautiful morning (wake up, wake up berk)
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

STAY IN
for as long as possible! I'm up and doing, it feels all wrong.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I'm in work now
NOBODY IS HERE.

How did the biscuits turn out btw?
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Anything
I'm still rather pissed from last night, you see?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:17, Reply)

almost all the people replying to this are retarded
www.b3ta.com/questions/b3tapersonoftheyear2010/post1016013
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Bless.
Thinking they're important and popular.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I know, right?
Everyone knows it's all about me anyway.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

You totally make me moist.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I'd say that that reply was unexpected
But it really wasn't. *smugs*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I'm becoming predictable.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I knew you were going to say that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

So did I.
My psychic told me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

But we don't when you're lying, now.

(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

You can safely assume I am, all the time.

OR CAN YOU - maybe that was itself a lie?

I am SO FUCKING ENIGMATIC.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Wow you're like a conundrum of enigmatic puzzlement.

So were you lying about that "Philthy Animal Taylor Sings Bertolt Brecht In A Big Beat Boss Nova Style" album you recommended? I can't find it anywhere.
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I have the only copy in the world.
It's one-sided and pressed on coloured thin air. It features a four-hour triangle solo by none other than 'Wee Jimmy Krankie'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

It is an odd thing when you first see it, though.
My reaction was to immediately click off the page both in shock and "been caught looking" guilt.
(Cave Duck, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Tonight's 'free bar all night' party will end in some kind of mishap
for me or for others, I fear. I'm wearing a shirt, so I shall be 'out of uniform' - a bad start already.

AND I have to work tomorrow for at least the morning, too. Then hack across London and thence to Winchester. What fun that will be.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

You'll look like you belong in court.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Nah, I look like I'm about to start cutting American trees down.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Dressed up in women's clothing?
And hanging around in bars?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Is it a black shirt
with an armband?

If so, then that's surely not 'out of uniform'...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I tend to only wear my 'party suit'
at rallies or at home, these days.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

What about that time you came to
mine and we played Ilse Koch (in my arse).
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

What larks we had.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Maybe Lab should come next
time, he's a (Amon) Goth.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

You fucking take that back right now
I ain't no goth!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Sorry
Emo.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I'm gonna punch you so hard your kids will be born with cancer

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Better than been born
emo.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

You are Prince Harry
AICMFP.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Are you calling me a fucking ginger?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Sorry
I went too far.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)