The Alter Ego thread
Let's mix things up a bit. Talk about anything you want (you usually do anyway) but do it as someone completely the opposite to your usual b3ta persona.
Darth, for example would go on about how much he likes vagina, Or Monty would just be nice to everyone.

Alt: What's your favourite virus? Mine's Ebola.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:17, 135 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

+1 for ebola
but Marburg is pretty nasty too, I believe?
(Wibblist Last said "Wibble" on, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)

50% mortality rate, compared to the 80-90% of Zaire strain ebola.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)

If it's all about mortality rate,
surely you should be an HIV fangirl?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I have HIV already.
It's rather adorable.

It's also about the mystery of it. Where did it come from? What's the natural reservoir? etc. At also the really horrific, disgusting deaths.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I love it when black people die.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I love you.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

God I hate you so much but can't stop replying to you
because I hate you and you're dull and you're not funny. PAY ME MORE ATTENTION SO I CAN PROVE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.

I've got boobs.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)

... "ffs have a cold shower
it's getting pathetic" ...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Me too.
Massive ones.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)

AWESOME

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Shit, how did you do that? That must have hurt. Are you ok?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I got GIANT EBOLA OF THE ARM.
Sad times.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I've ebola, best of all the paracites, I love ebola, they're my friends !
I've been thinking about the tatto I'm going to get, I've decided now, I'm going to get a band around my wrist where my watch is, it'll be filled in except for a bit of text that says "Hakuna Matata", which will be mostly hidden by my watch. And then coming out from it will look like curcit board (a few, but not many, maybe one every 1cm, lines. Some of the lines will change direction at verious points with little dots on the end).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

This is you being Kitty being Labia Majora isn't it?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Nah', it's something I'm genuinly getting, probably tomorow.
Hakuna Matata is something my Dad used to say, and the circite boards are to do with geekory.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Just pulling your leg mate, sounds right up your street.
Have you seen Lion King?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

=)
Yup, although this expresion comes from my holidays in kenya.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:29, Reply)

My altar ego?
Well, that involves putting on a habit and hanging round churches opportunely fucking choirboys in the arse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Bollocks

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Well ninja'ed.
Now to think about an alter ego...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)

This is too confusing.
My arm hurts. And my head.

Err, I like cats.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I have your lot in the play-off final next.
To say I am shitting myself is an understatement.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Why does nobody love me
Gawd I'm so massively depressed and so so hungry. I need a sammich to cheer me up, or by christ i'll kill myself.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)

There there,
it'll be alright in the end, you're an important member of this online community and we're all here to help.

*hugz*
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)

hugglywugglywoowoo's
wuv woo
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Gaz me for help
I'm always here for you xxx
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)

You're my only friend here amonst this clique
if you ever need help with your mortgage or any other monetary matters I'm here for you fella *batters cat to death*
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I'm willing to accept payment of my mortgage from you
online friend because I'm such a massive failure at life and a drunk and a prick.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)

especially a prick

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

here, you dropped this "g"
don't say i'm never nice to you.

but i am really disappointed in your sloppy posting today, out of 10 i wouldn't even give you 1. or were you just mimicking other people...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

It's 50/50, I'm having a hard time of it, posting shit and working at the same time
Thanks for noticing anyway wuv woo
xxx Rory
Mayb we can 'bash' 2nite, coz of the short notice no1 else is invited
;)
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)

this is exactly like the last gaz you sent me
and the one before that, and the one before that.

bit of effort now please?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I'm a one trick pony
I only do vomit inducing pandering thank you very much
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)

it is an eerie echo of some of the gazzes i have received in the past though
have you hacked my rswipe account?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)

No, but it's how I imagined creepy b3tans operate in order to successfully chloroform chicks from the internet

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:55, Reply)

it is
i wish i could say it had never worked.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)

You so would give him one.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

i've done much much much worse

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

fuck you Rory
find yourself a rope and hang yourself
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)

hey stop bullying
rory!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)

It's too late the damage is done
blubber blubber boo-hoo's
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)

*keyboard-warrior exultation*
I'm definitely going to bully some more
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Bullying is wrong
and it's not funny.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Hey I think we should talk about the best bassist of all time,
I fucking love talking about music.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)

How about that Local Sports Team?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Real men drink ale old chap
and what ho anyone who didly-doesn't is a bounder and a cad.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Nothing good AT ALL has happened since 1974.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Computer games are a fad that are ruining our coutries children.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)

We've just degenerated to impersonating Monty.
This is fucking bent.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)

The above is funny because it mimics the typical posting style of another user.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Computer games are for nerds,
I'd much rather spend my money on Ugg boots and Primark
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Ugg boots penis
Primark dildos
(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

OMG!
I can't believe you don't go to proper shops like Harvey Nichols and Harrods and Waitrose! I love shopping!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I do love Ugg Boots, Primark
Juicy Couture, tracksuits and hoop earrings
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Oh my god, totally
I'm going to dress all my children in them too. I want loads of kids, have I told you?
If only I could get some cock. :(
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I have more cock than I know what to do with
but just like you I want loads of kids. I think it'd be so cute to buy them t-shirts saying 'Daddy just wanted a blowjob' or like mini velour tracksuits and call them things like Nokia.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I've already found this one that says
"I love my mummy lots and lots xxx"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Awww how cute
I'm absolutely sure both Kitty and rswipe feel exactly the same as us. Joint prenatal classes I think.

/feels slightly sick
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)

That'll be the morning sickness.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:04, Reply)

You sound like a slag from the bullring
which poster is this?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I don't think anyone on b3ta
actually committs those atrocities against good taste. Unless Monty is keeping secrets. It is the opposite of me and Applebite though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I should read the question first sometimes

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)

It doesn't have to be another poster
Just completely different to what you'd usually post.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Oh, I had posters in mind with my vitriol
Yet another social faux pas on my behalf
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Oh and there's this guy I really really fancy
I really want to get into a long term, comitted relationship with him. But I don't think he's interested :( :( :(
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Yiff yiff

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)

BANG

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I honestly can't think how I could go about doing that, I'm quite the contradiction.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)

F7

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)

i dont like breasts

( broadsword, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)

MORE QOTW LIES
NO FAT CHICKS
JMG
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)

I do love football
let's talk about football. Also I'm very thin
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)

FAIL
You're not fat.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Yeah but I never talk about how thin I am

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I love boobs
and I'm blonde
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)

FAIL
You are blonde.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)

totally not
it's an illusion
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Bustin chops Jeff?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Eh?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)

This is totally my favourite show ever!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgoG27zqt0g

It's so funny, even when you've seen it like a bajillion times because it's the only thing that's ever on E4
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I love Scrubs like a brother.
This is me posting as me now, by the way.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I loved it the first time round
My sister/housemate has it, and friends on constantly, so it's just become a background annoyance
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I think I can pretty much recite every episode of Scrubs from start to finish.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)

i'm frigid
and i've just been out for lunch and ate meat and smoked 3 cigarettes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Having fun swipe?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)

yes ta
the office is like a graveyard, and i had lunch with Insolvencyboy AND the last text he sent me had kisses on it.

i don't fancy him, it was just nice of him, is all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Of course, of course
what's wrong with him?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)

he is very clever
and very funny and very good looking and we get on very very well.

he has a gf. THAT's what's wrong with him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

oh :(
that's a pity. There's always accidents though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

he is the only other person on the planet allowed to drive the car
and he took it to be valeted for me over christmas.

but I DON'T FANCY HIM, i don't do younger men and i don't do colleagues...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I'm sure he isn't much younger

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

yes but i don't fancy him, whatever my boss and colleagues tell you, mm-kay?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:50, Reply)

uh-huh I believe you
thousands wouldn't
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:55, Reply)

thousands don't :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Are you suggesting that Swipe murders his girlfriend?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I'm just saying accidents happen
brake-lines are often cut
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)

That's what I got from this.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)

*Stockpiles the vanishing pizzas*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I don't understand this pizza thing.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Murder enquiry that seems to be as much about pizza as death.
news.scotsman.com/news/Joanna-Yeates-last-movements.6674561.jp
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Haha!
This woman got murdered, but who cares BECAUSE A PIZZA HAS GONE MISSING

I bet it was written by a lolfattie
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)

The bloke they've nicked for it, used to teach Bob english.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I saw that bit.
Bob wants to be a teacher. Beginning of a cycle?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Yeap.
He'll have been 'taught' by the best.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Are you being me?

( Kroney, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)

You're all shit, especially the ladyb3tans

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I'd never be seen dead in a GIR hoodie/dinohoodie/rabbit hat

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I'm having SO MUCH SEX right now.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)

You're all cunts. Especially you.
Oh hello, what a smashing blouse you have on!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)

T4 Bacteriophage
because I did an assessed virology practical that went on for hours involving T4, and my lab partners were 2 sexy girls, and I got a great mark for the practical and remained friends with the girls even though I had to leave the lab half way through to take a massive dump and I stunk out the toilets of the "Animal & Microbial Science" building.

Happy daze...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)

T4?
Did you watch Dawson's Creek?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

"I dont wanna wait, for my lunch to get colder..."

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)

There was precisely one good moment in Dawson's Creek.
When he was getting a blowjob and crashed a boat into someone's house.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I liked the killing spree episode

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Must have missed that one.
Shame.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I made it up in my head
Never saw an episode in my life, what with not being a woofter and all.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Beatiful story.
Brought a tear to my eye.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I was 19 and had long hair
*cue "Wonder Years" music*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Years Stuff
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Yes phages, all tripod-looking and shit.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

But i've actually worked with it
and used it to destroy bacteria, and then counted the clear spots in the petri dish from which I calculated something or other.

Just like in "Outbreak", but without the excitement or the monkey.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)

My favourite thing was chucking dry ice in people's beakers when they weren't looking.
Hence repeating my second year.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I'm feeling great at the moment.
And definitely not concerned about my health in the slightest.

I'm so pleased that I'm not coming down with some sort of vomiting virus either.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:39, Reply)

it's probably being teetotal
that has left you so healthy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I've been avoiding the drink quite a bit recently.
In fact, it is since laying off the ale (in vast quantities) that I've noticed my health getting worse.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)

i think 'noticed'
is the important word, there
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Well when I'm fully topped on on the ale, I feel fine.
Since opting to lay off it a bit, I feel rotten.

This isn't right, is it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I liked that virus that made your computer make a siren noise and flash "I AM LOOKING AT PORN" on the screen.
What do you mean that's not a virus? It made my computer do a thing I didn't want it to. Don't get technical with me, I don't understand any of this computer rubbish anyway. I called a man from the helpdesk and he came to get rid of it so it must have been a virus. OH HELP THERE'S ALL RED WRITING ALL OVER MY WORD DOCUMENT.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Well you won't have to worry about that, will you? You've been hiding in your mums basement playing WoW since you were thirteen, dreaming of womens breasts
and crying because the closest you'll ever get to a pair will be attatched to that real doll you've ordered.

Well, I'm off into the REAL WORLD to punch fatties in the neck and snog gorgeous women, no fat chicks.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I just don't get science, it's boring.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)

No way, but you're so clever!
And handsome and witty. *swoons*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I'm not going to bookmark this.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Dammit woman, it's CHARMING and witty.
Pay attention.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)

That to!
I love you so much!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 15:06, Reply)