Generic evening thread here
Evening all, how was your first day back at work?

If you've not had time off, unlucky.
If you're not back yet, you're a cunt.

Alt Q: The food thief in my house has struck again, stealing a full bottle of BBQ sauce, quite odd. What should I do to make sure this doesn't happen anymore? And I don't mean putting hot sauce on everything, too easy. Come on, be sadistic! This fucker needs to pay! I'm not the first to lose patience with them either.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:43, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

put laxatives in everything after you've used it.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:45, Reply)

first, make sure it's not
your turn to clean the bathroom
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:51, Reply)

Well I worked four days last week but took an extra day yesterday because I'm lazy.
I spent the whole day in my pants doing fuck all and it was worthy. Work today was shit, like every other day, but I've enjoyed most of the rest of the day.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:47, Reply)

I can't remember the last time I spent all day in my pants doing fuck all.
I must give it a try again soon.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:54, Reply)

phwoar

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:55, Reply)

I no rite.
I'm going to wear my big Bridget Jones pants too.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:58, Reply)

I love doing that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:00, Reply)

I prefer a massive dressing gown
problem is, I have no idea where the belt for it is.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:02, Reply)

I put on comfy pants and a massive shirt, and I'm happy. :D

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:19, Reply)

I put on comfy pants and on a massive shirt +lifter, and I'm happy.

Weirdo.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:21, Reply)

what's a shirtlifter?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)

one who lifts shirts

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)

gay

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shirtlifter

1. An active homosexual male
2. An indecisive Australian Rules football player
1. "Stay in front of me, ya bloody shirtlifter"
2. "Kick it, ya shirtlifter, some of us have got to work on Monday"
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)

pffft.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)

I trust you'll get the chance to call someone a 'shirtlifter' in the future.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:30, Reply)

even if I don't, I'll find an excuse.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)

Good work!
I'd imagine that most (if not all) Germans 'lift the shirt'.

Keep that in mind.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)

I've done it twice since Christmas, it's fucking lush.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:56, Reply)

Considering I'm on a weight loss plan this year, not doing anything may be difficult for me.
And then I will look sexier doing nothing in my pants in about six months time.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:00, Reply)

I did that yesterday, it was awesome

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:58, Reply)

everyone at work was tired
and I was childishly passive aggressive to one of the technicians who overruled me on something.

alt q: hide all your food, then go on axe murdering rampage
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:51, Reply)

I only had one day off for holiday, and that was christmas eve
alt: put a warning label on everything, like this
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:52, Reply)

"Danger, I will fuck you in the arse if you steal my stuff"

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:58, Reply)

"Warning: may contain rohypnol. Caution: I have no lube. If your arse hurts in the morning maybe you'll stop stealing my things"

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:30, Reply)

Get some UV reactive dye and find out who's doing it

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:56, Reply)

I might mix your thinking with Crunchy's...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:00, Reply)

Uv reactive dye...laxatives
glowing trail that leads to your victim
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:04, Reply)

And a big motherfucking axe!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:06, Reply)

Not back yet at university
Alt Q: I like the above thinking, but also get very small plastic spiders and scatter them in your food. Hopefully the squeal of fright will alert you
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:12, Reply)

Re the Alt Q:
Stop living with Barry.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:14, Reply)

In other news, I got this book for Christmas:
www.amazon.co.uk/Crocheting-Adventures-Hyperbolic-Planes-Taimina/dp/1568814526/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294172124&sr=8-1

It's like it was written for me :D
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:16, Reply)

I can say with some confidence
If I was going to spend £20.09 with Amazon, I wouldn't buy that.

It wouldn't even be in my top 3.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:19, Reply)

if you can't crochet there would be little
needle point. It's knit for the faint hearted
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:22, Reply)

Have you dropped one?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:25, Reply)

Not gonna spin you a yarn
I'm now an out cast
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)

Have you got the needle?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)

needless to say I'm hooked
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)

These puns are following a pattern.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)

there's an impressive chain of them

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)

I was just trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:36, Reply)

that was one of your
worsted
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:38, Reply)

This is the 10th pun in a 'row'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)

you've been
double plying your trade around here for sometime though
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:42, Reply)

Some of your puns have been quite funny.
That makes you a knit wit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:43, Reply)

I see how you
slipstitched that one in there
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:45, Reply)

I got my ex a scarf for Christmas one year.
Apparently that isn't what she meant when she asked for a string of pearls/purls.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:46, Reply)

did she just cast it off?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:48, Reply)

I'm in stiches here.
Knot.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:51, Reply)

you've only kept up
by a mohair's width
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:52, Reply)

I feel a bit sheepish about keeping this going.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:54, Reply)

it's proved a chunky theme

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:54, Reply)

I got stopped by the police the other day.
I ignored them at first. They were shouting 'pullover!' Pullover!'

But I was wearing a cardigan.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:00, Reply)

I bet that left you
sweatering
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:02, Reply)

Why isn't knitting allowed on airplanes? They're afraid you'll knit an Afghan!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:07, Reply)

is this really worth the tassle?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:09, Reply)

Ewe might think so, I don't.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:10, Reply)

I see the sheep angle has give this
a new fleece of life
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:15, Reply)

Too far to the right of the page.
We'll call it a draw.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:18, Reply)

wimp! :)

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:19, Reply)

You two were made for each other.

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)

How is your plumbing now Blousie?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)

Fandabbiedozy!

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)

FanDabbieDoubleDozey?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:34, Reply)

Yup!

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)

What caused the leak into the kitchen?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:41, Reply)

Pipe from the bath had the wrong seal and it was a crap job anyway.

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:45, Reply)

No other damage to the ceiling or anything?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:47, Reply)

Nope!
Caught it in time thankfully. Well as far as we know.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:48, Reply)

I'm glad, I felt so guilty about the bathwater coming through the ceiling.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:51, Reply)

It wasn't your fault hon.
It was just bad timing that it was your bath water that made us aware of it.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:54, Reply)

aha I know but I just felt guilty anyway!
OH! and my box got home safe and sound. woooo.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:57, Reply)

Woooo!

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:01, Reply)

Matron!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:01, Reply)

That's good.
Any other pipes badly fitted, or do you have to wait for the next cold snap to find out?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:52, Reply)

sorry, don't want to stomp on your territory, Blousie

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)

(That means I win the latest pundown if you're running scared).

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:32, Reply)

nonsense, see above, still going

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)

You might as well have a go love.
I got nowhere.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)

I don't know what it was Blousie.
Maybe the fact you looked like you'd throw up at any second?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:36, Reply)

I didn't think you'd be so fussy.

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:39, Reply)

Charming.
What were you expecting?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:39, Reply)

I dunno *shrugs*

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:44, Reply)

Well, if you're gonna be like that.
Consider the good ship Jeff sailing off into the distace. AND I'll be taking my cuddles with me.

*Starts packing*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:48, Reply)

There'll be another boat along in a minute.
Even around this deserted island.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:52, Reply)

I feel even more rejected now.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:52, Reply)

You get used to it.
I did.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:53, Reply)

You've really got it about you this evening Blousie.
What was your new years resolution? 'To have a go at Jeff on a regular basis?'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:55, Reply)

You're the one sailing off into the distance. *laughs*

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:57, Reply)

I'm only pretending to leave because you're being mean to me.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:02, Reply)

Silly boy!

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:10, Reply)

I've just sent you a gaz.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:11, Reply)

WTF!

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:20, Reply)

totally gonna learn me some
crazy multi dimensional maths AND crochet things - woo!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:21, Reply)

A stitch in time = 9?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:23, Reply)

no, remainder 9

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:24, Reply)

My first day back was mostly spent cleaning the bar and stock taking.
Which was dull.

I did serve David Mitchell though. Check me out with my celebrity customers (and by customers I do not mean tricks).
( wanderlust, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:37, Reply)

And what did he order?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:38, Reply)

Tea and a burger.

( wanderlust, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:39, Reply)

Any extra bacon or cheese?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)

Our burgers already come with bacon and cheese,
We're just trying to make everyone as fat as possible.
( wanderlust, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:42, Reply)

No, I meant in the tea.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:47, Reply)

You planning on stalking him?

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:47, Reply)

Probably not.
But I do like to keep my options open.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:49, Reply)

He's not Al.
So, no.
( wanderlust, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:48, Reply)

Hello Lusty.
How was your festive season?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:50, Reply)

Everything back to normal DG?

( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:55, Reply)

Yep.
In a new twist, dinner has been eaten and the dishes done before 8:30.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:59, Reply)

*faints*
Has tourettes been at the energy drinks again?
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:00, Reply)

No, although this was a reheat of the goulash we had last night.
Except that was eaten before 9 as well! This could be a new record! ;)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:01, Reply)

Hello!
My festive season was mainly spent catching up on sleep and eating biscuits.
I had a few day trips to catch up with people and meet Monty's Mums. But other than that rather dull.

How was yours?
( wanderlust, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Busy and yet quiet.
Had a contingent of b3tans up over the New Year though, and a trip to Edinburgh, which was fun.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 21:00, Reply)