Sorry to hear that mate
Keep me posted, I'm best geographically poised to do an intervention.

Alt Q - it was Australia's cricketers but the filth's recent form has me in stitches, as my current FB status will attest. That made me even happier than the return of GLEE

Morning all. I notice a severe lack of gay jibes above. Now I've given you an opening (fnarr)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:43, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's like you can't help yourself isn't it?
GLEE? GLEE?!?! For fuck's sake.

Morning, anyway.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Morning sexy
Glee's awesome. Not QUITE as intellectual as your thoroughly interesting conversation with DP above, but that's exactly why I watch it; I get enough highbrow stimulation from browsing B3ta
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Which one?
The Grauniad or the PMT?

I love Glee. But rarely have time to watch it.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I think they've both gone completely un-intellectual now

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Nothing like a bit of lowbrow...

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I don't understand people who watch TV to let their brains turn off
Read a book.

Plus, I find Glee actively offensive:
www.b3ta.com/questions/worstband/post1024651

How was your weekend of sequins and piers?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:53, Reply)

pi que
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:59, Reply)

You might as well have just capitalised the P

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I've met his missus and, disappointingly, she's not even slightly manly.
I thought she may be merely pretending, but they were holding hands before seeing me.

Although DF was wearing a trilby of some sort...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:06, Reply)

It's not funny if you stick up for him!

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:07, Reply)

True...
DF bums men!!!

Honest!!!

But is he the Bummer or Bummee?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Bumee, definitely.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Cheers mate, appreciate the support
Even if my missus is taller than you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Taller, prettier, better at dancing
*cricks neck*
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Yeah sorry mate you're shit out of luck
Maybe if we'd met nine years ago
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Yeah, I was taller then
And slimmer

And spent my nights dancing (very gayly)

And more androgynous (well, not really).
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:53, Reply)

So you shrunk?!
What kind of drugs did you take?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Um, all of the ones I could find?
The reduction in height though, was down to a pioneering operation designed to help giraffes reach low branches. I was a guinea pig.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Excellent answer
How's the post-op going by the way?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I could make a lame joke about DF and post-ops but I won't
My op yesterday got cancelled - Now Feb 18th.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Please do
I want to see where you're going with this one.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I should have thought it was perfectly clear...

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Yeah, but I wanted to see it anyway.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:32, Reply)

That's what all the girls say
(in fact, I hadn't thought of the joke in full)...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:36, Reply)

You have no idea how disappointed I am now.
Do all the girls say that too?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Sadly, the majority do.
But I live in hope.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Weekend was fun
but the dancing went crap. On this occasion, and you'll have to take my word for it that this is a rarity cos I'm usually very hard on myself, I blame the judges. They put some total dross through ahead of us. Pissed me right off.

Thank you for asking though. Well done on the continuing success of your blog, well-deserved
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

You've answered my below question
Did you not offer the judges any, erm, gratitude for a good placing?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

If by "gratitude" you mean a good shoeing
then I was sorely tempted. Ms Foxtrot expressly forbade me from kicking off. The threat of sex ban was sufficient to keep me in line. And yes I knew what you meant there, you filthy pervert.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

You sure do
A nice card and some flowers.

Certainly not a nosh.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Haha "nosh"
Although I'd never use that in any degree of seriousness, it cracks me up in this context
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I love the phrase nosh
but you couldn't ever use it in serious chit chat with your missus. It's a jokey one with your mates, I think.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:52, Reply)

*Dances like a loon*
Yeah, it's awesome! I have loads of cool people following me now!

And by cool people, I mean people who's blogs I've been following for ages, but didn't start my own because I thought it would be no good in comparison to theirs. So yeah.

Sorry to hear that it turns out you're bad at dancing.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:40, Reply)

He's very good,
he just had a bit of a limp, for some mysterious reason.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Oh, fuck you
I'm absolutely not bad at it and that's why I was so pissed off. If I'd had an attack of nerves and messed up my footwork, or forgotten the routine, or collided with another couple (all of which I've done in the past) then I wouldn't have minded, but we were awesome and the judges ignored us. Useless cunts.

As I said last week though, am delighted that you're getting kudos for something you enjoy so much, I really am. The fwap-o-meter blog was particularly entertaining
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I know you're (probably) not bad at dancing.
It was a joke. I'm sorry.

Glad you liked the fwap-ometer post, or was that just for the link to the article I wrote about?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Didn't actually click the link but the article had me in stitches
probably because I know plenty of blokes, ex-colleagues mostly, who the descriptions applied to perfectly. That's what I like most about your writing, it engages.

*awaits Pandatron*

Apologies for the "fuck you", it appears I may have some unresolved anger issues regarding the weekend
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:00, Reply)

It made me really angry
I don't even know who the fuck that bimbo is. How is eleven pictures of her in a bikini on holday news?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:02, Reply)

It isn't
It was a good post.

She's an actress, famous principally for getting her tits out. I think they're fake now though, which lessens the appeal.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:04, Reply)

"actress"
(trans: vapid spunk-dumpster)
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Well, what's wrong with that?
She has a nice living, and enjoys what she does for millions of dollars...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:15, Reply)

In all fairness,
she most likely is vapid and is almost certainly a spunk repository. Bella was probably just recounting what she believes to be fact with no bitterness or judgement whatsoever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I think so
There are no gender politics or rabid feminism at play here...

ANother b3tan had an old feminist blog - urbanfeminist.blogspot.com
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:19, Reply)

No, there was definitely judgement there
Stupid cunt.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Unresolved Issues and DF
Is it just me starting to think...?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Haha

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Cheeky motherfucker
Well played though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I refer the honourable gentleman to my earlier answer
about never missing an easy opening.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:18, Reply)

And we all know how easy Darth's opening is now
The phrase 'chucking a hot dog down a corridor' springs to mind, for some reason.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Ouch.
Or not, actually, owing to regular use...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I'd like to say I'd hope for better from you two
but it would be bollocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:36, Reply)

"You'd hope for better....bollocks"
Grauniad reporting at it's finest.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I'm sorry Darth
I'm trying to put off writing this article because I know it's going to make me tremendously angry, and I'm sort of in a good mood at the moment.

Please accept my most humble of apologies.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Hehe I don't really mind
All in good fun, innit. Am torn between wanting to maintain your good mood and being keen to read your next blog
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I'm going to start it now
Remember, Duck AND Cover.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Once again:
Badumm-tcchh!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Eyethangyoo

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:39, Reply)

The Filth?
I assume you mean Derby, not the Old Bill.

It's no biggie - I just bumped into a couple of people last week, and one thing led to another and I spent the last few days at it - not excessively (other than the fact any is more than I should have - the problem is that it doesn't affect my day to day life negatively in any way until I stop - which I now have. So it's going to be a bad couple of days, but nothing fatal. Just means I have to build up my clean time again.

What do you call a successful Australian cricketer? Retired!

How's it gone for the last few days?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 9:49, Reply)

What do you call an Australian cricketer with a century? A bowler
I do indeed mean Derby but I think the filth sums them up better. Plus it's quicker to say and type than sheepshaggers, and I'm lazy.

Hope the rubbishness passes quickly mate. Good luck with building up the clean time
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:25, Reply)

It's easy enough.
Did you win?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Nah mate
Thoroughly disappointing. There was a point on Saturday when we'd been eliminated from both disciplines, Forest were a goal down and I turned on the TV looking for something to cheer myself up. Found Star Wars... Episode ONE. Got drunk after that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Star Wars One
The Phantom plotline.

Horrible film.

You have my deepest sympathies.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:34, Reply)

It's worse than it sounds
The Sky thingy came up saying "Star Wars Episode..." before the picture flickered on so I thought it was going to be the perfect way to cheer myself up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Where were you dancing again?

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Blackpool
This was the big one, hence my disappointment. Ah well. Fuck 'em, bloody poofters wouldn't know a decent Quickstep if they tripped over one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

You and the missus must have looked out of place
Or did you wear kappa and burberry to blend in and avoid being mugged?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Hotel wasn't far from the venue
And when we went out to Funny Girls the night before we went in a big group. Safety in well-dressed numbers
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:44, Reply)

*phew*
did you take the Paul Smith nunchuks, just in case?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Yes
but I'm glad I didn't have to use them, the diamante encrusting isn't cheap to replace
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)

As you'll agree,
Rhinestones ain't cheap!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I hate that fucking advert

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Me too, but I always think of you when I see it.
Do you eat cheesey peas?

*I hate these Aviva ads, and Paul Whitehouse has lost all credibility in my eyes*
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Nope
A workmate of mine said much the same yesterday. I just don't want anything to do with Aviva to remind people of me. Cunts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)

True - they tried to charge me a fucking grand for car insurance.
Wankers.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 11 Jan 2011, 11:38, Reply)