Very short story.
My very short story 'Sometimes' has been published by PicFic.

You can read it (for free) here.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:18, 71 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alright James

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:20, Reply)

HEY!
I do the stalking round here, don't take my USP
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I miss totach :(
You bullied him into leaving forever
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Nah he was back the next week
but it turns out he wasn't actually any good.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:23, Reply)

I guess he burnt out his creative genius in that one post
What a posting though
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

DO NOT MISS WHAT'S GOING ON OVER AT /TALK

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:43, Reply)

That is rather funny

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:58, Reply)

look at the comments on his serious legal magazine
www.lawgazette.co.uk/news/website-pioneers-advice-auction#comment-6692
(half have been deleted)
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Stupid Frisbee

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

my mate is on the European Championship winning mixed team
and plays for Great Britain. Even he says it isn't a real sport.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:07, Reply)

hah I love his comments of
I can't believe you guys would spam a legal website
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

I can't believe he's surprised.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:10, Reply)

what a complete dumbass

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:12, Reply)

wtf
If he doesn't have the sense to keep b3ta away from work AND not to tell his boss... I'm not going to lie to y'all, these factors do not bode well for a glittering career in the law
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Nice
Always good to hear of a b3tan getting into print. Well done.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:24, Reply)

My favourite was the b3tan who go into print in most of the daily papers.
What was his name? You know, the one with half a dozen wives and a fondness for breaking peoples hands...
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Ha!
You know what I meant.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

The one who should really win this week's QOTW then

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:27, Reply)

It's his, isn't it!
Some of us can say our recommendation for qotw has been taken up, some can say they've won qotw but who can honestly say that the qotw was entirely based upon their LIFE.

Apart from Spankyhanky, of course.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Haha this is so true!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Date update
she hasn't replied to my text, so it looks like I'll be staying in tonight.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:29, Reply)

She's probably a lesbian

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:30, Reply)

Well she is now

( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Fucking frigid is what she is,
CAH
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:37, Reply)

I can think of a number of words
I might call a woman who has decided not to go on a date with you. Frigid probably isn't one of them.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:41, Reply)

'Survivor' is one that springs to mind

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:46, Reply)

christ what did you put in the text?
Her phone's prob off or out of battery or maybe she left it at home today
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:51, Reply)

"I know a gorgeous set of hedges down the back alley near the train station,
wait for me there."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

if there is anywhere in britain less sexy than the yellow bathroom tiled 70's hell of milton keynes station
I've yet to see it. I'd rather have sex up against one of the windows of the London Eye
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:07, Reply)

*fears for your sanity following the inevitable deluge of pandergazzes titled "That could be arranged..."*

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:10, Reply)

just the one so far, more a trickle than a deluge
Never done the london eye. harrods, yes. V subtly, real life exhibitionism is NOT my style (i couldn't afford the legal fees). Also tried to do the mile high but plane toilets are fucking rank and having some smartass teenager bang on the door and sing out "haven't you two finished yet" doesn't help.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Yeah, I can't see the appeal of an aircraft toilet
Sure, there's the kudos, sure, you'd get your end away...but in one of those cubicles? You surely wouldn't be able to enjoy it?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:17, Reply)

we didn't do anything
The thrill of getting in there was great but then... We just looked a bit helplessly at the manky stinky cubicle, the grim toilet, the people who were on the other side of a paper thin wall, each other and just went, naaaaaaaah. Least horny venue ever.

Apart from milton keynes train station, as above.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Why were you trying to have sex in Milton Keynes station?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Leave her alone, she was only 13 after all.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

i wasn't!
Read the board properly, there's a good sexbomb xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Can you get your money back on the rohypnol?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:30, Reply)

He'll need his receipt
(But he'll have to check the small print, not everywhere offers a 'rape or return' cash-back policy).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:32, Reply)

They wont refund the chloroform once its been exposed to air though

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:32, Reply)

he could always pick up a date on the way home

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:33, Reply)

He'll need a car with a big boot for that though

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:34, Reply)

not necessarily
apparently you can fit a body in a suitcase
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Oh yeah, I remember they did it in three colours white. Or a duffel bag if you really pack em in tight!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:42, Reply)

That is one of my hobbies.
I love trying to fit into a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself...
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Ouch
That physically hurt.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:51, Reply)

you need someone on the outside pushing, whilst you're sucking in, they can zip it up

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:53, Reply)

That's a twitter update not a story.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Alright Undulating Tentacles?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Alright blue green olga?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:53, Reply)

I have no glass in my windows, but I'm good other than that. You?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:59, Reply)

massively bored at work
I find it massively unfair I can't look at porn here to pass the time :(

What happened to your glass?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

They're replacing the windows, so I was given today off so I can stay at home and make sure they do it right. Like I know anything about fitting windows!
So I'm massively bored too as I've now caught up on all the internet related stuff I wanted to and can't really watch porn with them next door.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Now I know who you are!
Your secret is safe with me Ed.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Looks shiftily about. You aint seen nuffink right?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Were the old windows too tongue stained?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Oh buuuuuuuuurn :( More rotting out of their frames. Terribly exciting stuff.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

It is a twitter update if you're a script writer for Dawson's Creek.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:34, Reply)

I-dont-wanna-wait-FOR-OUR-LIIIIIVES-TO-BE-OVVVVVERRRR

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:36, Reply)

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Worst. De Niro Impression. Ever.

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:47, Reply)

That's got to be one of the more heavily used images on the internet.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Probably because there's always someone having an online boo-hoo

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Fair play to the guy though, he's created this off the back of the original
www.jamesvandermemes.com/
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:09, Reply)

He's hairier than I remember
Age catches up to us all.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:20, Reply)

i fucking hate you so much right now

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Hemingway did a six word story...
For sale: babies shoes, never worn.


And that was Ernest, not Wayne.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Yeah and twitter wasn't around then
THINK ABOUT IT.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:51, Reply)

And for a few more...
207.44.242.20/talk/2401137
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:53, Reply)

ah, back when /talk was actually good.
*reminisces*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Sometimes, she reflected, stories are more than sentences.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 15:35, Reply)

You forgot to put
the link to your better story.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 21:26, Reply)