I can't do it.
I'm going to fail and there's nothing I can do about it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:07, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fail at what?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:07, Reply)

exams

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:08, Reply)

What are you studying?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:13, Reply)

5 modules
Medical virology
Bacterial structure and function
Genome maintenance and evolution
Introduction to immunology
Gene expression
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:18, Reply)

Genome maintenance and evolution
They started off as stand-alone items, usually unpainted.

Then they were given fishing rods and colour.

(Sorry, this is far too high-brow for me)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:20, Reply)

rubbish
you're be absolutely fine
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:07, Reply)

No I'm not
I can remember literally nothing I've done so far
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:09, Reply)

Because you're panicking
look through your notecards. If I can pass a year at uni you're guaranteed to
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:10, Reply)

Notecards?
We never had them in the 60s.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:23, Reply)

I've never had them at all
but supposedly people use them to revise. I'm just fitting in with the cool kids Monty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:29, Reply)

you need to relax
this is shit advice, but it works, helps your subconscious do some rummaging around to get answers. It's how I used to write essays and how I blag lectures
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:10, Reply)

Don't worry about it
You'll remember stuff when you're in the exam. You'll pass, carry on learning and taking exams and passing until you get your degree, then get a job, work until you are allowed to retire aged 95, then get no state pension and die.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:19, Reply)

in a good mood, still, then?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:21, Reply)

I'm actually in a good mood
Just being realistic ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)

if we're really lucky
they will drag out our ability to live way past 100, so we can spend either years in poverty in moderate health, or work until our brains explode at 167
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)

Fuck that.
After a month of retirement I'm killing myself. Unless I'm rich, of course.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:36, Reply)

ha! you can't
they've turned most of your body cyborg and installed a Asimovian style system of laws which govern your behaviour including one which prevents self harm

bad luck. Now you must tend the garden for all eternity
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:39, Reply)

Haha!!
It's funny because it's very likely to happen.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:42, Reply)

AFFIRMATIVE

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:45, Reply)

+ MISTRESS?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:52, Reply)

??
is this some kind of reference to sexy robot dominatrix gender confusion porn I am not aware of?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:54, Reply)

K9 innit?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:05, Reply)

Correct DG.
*Crunchy loses WHO points*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:07, Reply)

but lab isn't a woman
plus, I clearly was thinking of rude things, I blame Tennant
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:08, Reply)

Too little too late.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:16, Reply)

sexy K9?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:08, Reply)

I can't stop crying and I've
GOT NO FUCKING TISSUES
I kind of don't give a shit about whether or not I get a pension or not at the moment
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)

Use a sock, Luke.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:25, Reply)

And now my notes are all wet.
Fucking fabulous
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)

punch something
but not with your writing hand
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)

What have you been doing with them?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:29, Reply)

Testing their sponge qualities apparently

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)

Nor should you
You just need to MTFU, remember what you are saved as in my phone, realise youve got this nailed and kick the arse out if this exam.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)

I can't remember

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)

I really need someone to calm me down.
I've got loads still to do before I can go to bed, my housemates are all in the same boat so I don't want to distur them, it's too late to ring my mum and I don't want the boy seeing me looking this hideous.

There's no one else irl.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:34, Reply)

'the boy' will have to see you looking
bad at some point
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)

Oh he sees me looking bad all the time
You're underestimating how ugly I get when I cry.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:36, Reply)

do it anyway
I suspect that this is not his opinion
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:42, Reply)

phone the boy
he can't see you, and he's going to have to hear you crying some time.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)

I have done
Feel better already.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:51, Reply)

You get marks for breathing in exams these days.
If you let out an 'SBD' you get a 'platinum A* with strontium edging and a lifetime supply of Bounty kitchen towels'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)

I don't know what any of that means

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:31, Reply)

Apples, Apples Apples....
When you reach my antiquated years you realise that almost every single person on earth is a fucking retard. The fact that you aren't one puts you at an instant huge advantage over everyone else and you will do absolutely fine in life on that basis, even if you completely bollocks up your education - which you won't, anyway. You're a bright woman - so hush yo' mouth.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)

Thanks Monty, that made me laugh a little bit.
You saying that... I feel so validated
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:39, Reply)

The fact that at this time of night he can still see the keyboard suggests he means it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:42, Reply)

only if you think that way
anyway, at what?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:08, Reply)

see above

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:10, Reply)

Of course you aren't
have you got some mock papers or something you can practise with?
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:17, Reply)

Yeah
But nothing on the past papers will be on the real thing
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:21, Reply)

Well, the exact same question
no, it's unlikely. But similar questions in the same areas, probably. Lecturers are lazy.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)

hey! I resemble that remark

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)

The British 70s pop-soul act?
I'm not surprised, even in these dumbed-down times.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT1iDKkZNYU
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:27, Reply)

Monty.
My browsing took me in this direction today.

I'll bet you've not heard it in years. It'll serve no purpose, only than it'll get on your internal jukebox, but when did you last hear this?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfEsmXbjcyg
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:32, Reply)

Haha, harsh!

(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:34, Reply)

You ever heard it before berk?
Given your youth, I'm guessing not...
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:37, Reply)

Can't say that I have

(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:40, Reply)

Is the line
'Nice legs, shame about the face' in your head?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)

No
'Message for youuuuuuu Rudy' is.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:42, Reply)

The original, I hope.
(it's 'to you' acksherlee)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:44, Reply)

So it is
apologies. It's The Specials version, I have no idea if that's the original but I suspect it's an early cover if it is one.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:46, Reply)

berk.
I maintain this is a nice tune.

I'd value your opinion.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=puz7ItObqfY
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:53, Reply)

Ah, this is the one Bob slagged off?
I like it.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:54, Reply)

Of course.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:15, Reply)

This is 84.2 billion times better than The Special Needs:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwuTHjoOOtk
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:15, Reply)

Duly noted

(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:17, Reply)

And when you're done with that.
Have a go on this.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPNgdZu7BBY
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:19, Reply)

This
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC4IBOVEsPs

more recent, obviously, but the beat is similar. *wiggles*
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:22, Reply)

I KNOW HOW RAPED WOMEN FEEL
*May have been a bit strong there*

berk. Have a word with yourself.

Come on love, get a grip.

(I hope the *wiggle* is the wiggling finger of mockery)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:24, Reply)

Oi
what's wrong with that song?
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:25, Reply)

No Scotsman should make music like that.
IT'S THE LAW.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:26, Reply)

Why?
with a name like paolo nutini, he can't be all that scottish.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:28, Reply)

Okay.
Factor into the equation it isn't a very good song, but it sounds a bit 'different' from what was being released at the time and that is all you get.

He should still to getting letter from America, or making tea for people who've walked 500 miles.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:30, Reply)

I like it
*shrugs* it's catchy. I like all sorts of old bollocks, and simply because I'm a sucker for a good hook.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:32, Reply)

Wanna contiune with the tried and trusted Jeff and Berk show?
New gaz required.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:34, Reply)

I think this one is more fitting at this juncture:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_3EAYL4Zw4&feature=related
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:38, Reply)

Some retro smiles here.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jF33OS4OM8
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)

Some retro Smiley here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jOjZKDoo08
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:43, Reply)

I've not heard that in YEARS
Have a go on this.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1N2CiNXjX64

Apparently the BBC orchestra were contracted to play for ALL singers, so the story goes, 'the music made no sense'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:48, Reply)

That's an awesome 'fro/NHS glasses combo she's got going on.

(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:49, Reply)

I like their khaki suits an ting

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:06, Reply)

My dad had the single of that.
I sold it for ye drugges in the 1980s. A bloke I know (unfortunately he's the same fellow who flushed all that weed down the khazi in my 'QOTW Lie' the other week) actually knows Smiley Culture and has been round his house. He used to work in TV and for some 'where are they now?' doc they went round his house in Surrey. Apparently as they were pulling out of his drive he told them to watch out for the gateposts and my chum swears on his life he replied 'me is an expert dri-vahh' at which senor Culture pissed his pants.

This sounds like another lie doesn't it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:54, Reply)

I assume 87% of your
"i knew [ vaguely famous person] and [insert unlikely scenario]" stories are lies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:56, Reply)

You're a terrible name dropping shit
but generally I believe you.
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:58, Reply)

On my honour they are all completely true.
Most of my yarns (read: all) concern people about whom nobody gives a shit about so if it is internet respeck I am looking for I am not very good at it EH
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:03, Reply)

A mate of mine is a record collecting type
And he turned down the chance to buy 'everything' mowtown had ever released as they were all ex-jukebox and had the centre of the record removed. Apparently the collection was cataloged and everything

The price he was quoted? £750.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:02, Reply)

Is that the lawnmower wholesaler in Romford?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:04, Reply)

No.
He has 4 copies of a Cajun Hearts single that are apparently rare as rocking-horse shit.

His collection is huge. Never gets played.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:06, Reply)

That was a 'Mowtown' gag Jeff
it's 'Motown'. I'm hilarious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:19, Reply)

Sorry mate.
I'm drunk and stuffed!

His record collection though, is massive. He'll get the same track by the same artist - if it has been recorded on different labels, and all that sort of thing.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:20, Reply)

ALSO
a photographer on a work shoot I did once told me his dad was a violinist for the BBC and played on the Ramones' TOTP performance of 'Baby I Love You'. One of his thick schoolfriends apparently said 'fucking hell Tony, I never knew your dad was in The Ramones!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:59, Reply)

Have you come across Derek on your travels?
www.thisisbristol.co.uk/news/Meet-DJ-Derek/article-678558-detail/article.html
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:11, Reply)

my brother used to rave about his Manchester sets.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:16, Reply)

Those crazy pill-popping Mancs will rave to anything!
*Takes disco biscuit*

Always worth seeing Derek if you get the chance, the crowd that follow him are quite sound.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:22, Reply)

Tut tut
what have you found down the back of your sofa now?
(berk, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)

Lord Lucan

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:05, Reply)

you need to let him go Monty

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 1:12, Reply)