How's your anus?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:10, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

It's fine, actually
It spent a lot of time in the air as I was doing yoga today, in a vain attempt to get me fit and slim and toned.

I've a long way to go. Are you coming to Montstock?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

I am if the useless cunt ever lets me know the details.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)

As far as I know it's 6.30 on Saturday
unless he's leading me astray.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:24, Reply)

S'what I heard.

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)

I was hoping there would be more to it than that.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

You've not met the Charmonster have you?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Your redhaired friend?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)

lampers
tesco have fucked with our low-fat poppadum snack. check this out:

dear sirs

i am very disappointed to note that you have "improved" the recipe of your own-brand poppadums by dipping them in madras oil. this has doubled the fat and calorie content, and the oil is visible running around the bottom of the pack.

please please please unimprove the recipe again, and quickly, before i am forced to walk the extra ten minutes to sainsburys to buy their poppadums instead.

many thanks,

etc

no reply as yet...............
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)

I trust you'll start a Facebook campaign?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

No No NO NO NO NO NO!
What the fuck, man. Also, mini-poppadoms are so much worse...

Had a baked potato today, yet I'm still hungry. I may go slightly crazy and eat 20 rice cakes, and if I do that, I may just have eaten half a pizza or something.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

drink 2 pints of evian, quickly!
that's what i just did instead of eating after the gym, which means my total calorie intake today is now -500. this would be great if it weren't for the fact that the weekend was a disaster!

went to some great bars in the northern quarter, i've not been out round there for ages.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)

Is Cord still there?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)

i was a bit too drunk to notice the names, sorry
AMAZING pizzas at dough, though. wholemeal base ftw.

i think. i was 15 vodkas down by that point.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:36, Reply)

There's always somewhere good to go to in the Northern Quarter
I don't have the time for all the corporate crap at the Deansgate Locks
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)

dull dull dull
the only advantage is that they are near the train station.

but i'm a spoiled wilmslow bitch so i just taxi in and out anyway.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)

I've not been to Dough. Looks gorgeous.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)

honestly, it was lush
we started with hot doughy breadsticks with pesto and houmous and oil and garlic butter, then had pizza.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)

The northern quarter is ace
I've not been out there in years though :(
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)

it's got so much character
the men were dire though, absolutely dire. and i thought london bred trolls!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

You think all men are dire.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)

I posted those puppies up there just for you Jeff
Did you like them?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)

Yes.
I had to take my laptop to the bathroom, where... err, the light is better.

Yes. That's right. The light is much better in the bathroom, so that's why I took my laptop there.

The fact there are tissues a plenty in the bathroom is neither here no there.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)

And a little blonde puppy.
It's no coincidence the Andrex puppy is now cgi. Jeff did a 'maddy' on the real one.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)

hahahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)

1 or 2 are ok

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)

+ at a time
Any more than that and their cocks get in each others way.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)

i don't do odd numbers
and i don't do girls. but i'd still almost rather MFF than MMF. i just think..... surely any guy who does MMF is at least bi-curious if he is willing to see another dude in the buff and up for it.

or am i being prudish here?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)

You wouldn't want one cock in your foo foo while the other pokes your poo chute?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Double penetration just sounds revolting

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)

^ this ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)

I imagine it's one of those things
that isn't actually pleasurable for any of the parties involved, but was invented purely for the way it looks in porn
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)

I've nothing against bi-curious guys myself
they're generally a bit hot
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)

absolutely to look at
but i don't generally fancy them - i like my men arrogant and unwashed and emotionally retarded!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)

Not forgetting an inability to control their bowel movements.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)

have to disagree
there's a guy in my college who is absolutely burningly hot- proper model looks, tiny bit bi-curious curious, tall, the lot. *daydreams*
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:17, Reply)

It's true :(
the only fit men I saw the last time I went out in Manchester were in bars on Canal street, and of absolutely no use to me whatsoever!
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)

welcome to my world
my hottest male friends are all 3 gay as a window
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)

You are suffering from a serious eating disorder

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

don't be daft!
i just need to slim down some more.

people with eating disorders go to extraordinary lengths to hide them and not talk about food, they don't rant about it online!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)

Not eating after exercise isn't a very good idea.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)

this is true
but i need to work off a curry (fri), a pizza (sat) and a pub lunch (sun). i am disgusting!!!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)

You disgust me certainly.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)

this is a huge lie, isn't it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Let's not talk about tax or politics in real life and I'm sure it will stay a lie.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)

i'll just wear a low cut top
and you'll agree with every single one of my evil capitalist ways
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)

I'm sure you don't need to slim down more
and your attitude to food and exercise genuinely worries me sometimes. I'm just saying, be careful is all.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)

when we meet up in march
you'll see that there is nothing to worry about (sadly!)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)

Hmm, I'm sure you were fine before
and I'm sure you're fine now, albeit thinner. I'm also sure you don't need to starve yourself in to a lollypop-head shape.
Are we doing that up north or in London, btw, have you decided?
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:48, Reply)

i need to get off my arse and organise it
depends who can come - if applebite, kitty, you and bgb can all come, and lampito has a home in stockport anyway, it might be better if i pick amberl up en route and we do it in manchester.

i will send a fb suggestion around.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)

I'm definitely game for a Manchester night out
especially if you have more than one spare seat in your shiny shiny Merc :D
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)

oh i'm sooooooo sorry
but the stupid thing is a 2 seater so i'll have to toss a coin!!!

we will need to sort the logistics... personally i wouldn't mind brum either, it's halfway innit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)

You know you love me bestest

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)

you are a total star, we all know this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)

Haha, pick Amberl up, it'll be more expensive for her to get there because it's further
I just wanted a go in the shiny car! I'll get the megabus, or I could even stop being a lazy arse and drive myself.

EDIT - also, Manchester is a better night out that Brum for sure, and there's only three of us coming from down south so Manchester makes more sense.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)

i will take you for a ride. if it's not raining we can put the top down and pose

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)

Haha, awesome
I think I even have some big sunglasses somewhere...
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)

and I trust a Grace Kelly scarf as well

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)

No, but I might ask to borrow one?

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)

Of course you can
I have Vivienne Westwood one that will do the job magnificently
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)

Ban this sick filth!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:04, Reply)

we'll take some pics

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)

I don't know if my ageing heart will take the strain, frankly.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)

Also, for fuck's sake, b3ta's running slower than a three legged race in which the only entrants are all wearing callipers.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)

Run Forrest!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)

Swipe and Berk
The Thelma and Louise of OT.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)

You love it.

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)

You'll have to find your Brad Pitt though, to complete the adventure.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)

I wish :(
I've never seen Thelma and Louise though, don't they kill someone and then commit suicide? My life's been a bit iffy recently but it really isn't that bad!
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:35, Reply)

But you've got no tennis to play.
It might be something for you to consider.

Especially if your car is still fucked.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)

I've got no tennis and my car is fucked
therefore, go on a roadtrip and kill myself? Erm. No? Besides, car is fixed now, although my savings have gone :(
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:45, Reply)

Have they done a good job on your car?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:46, Reply)

Well, it's working
and it drives a lot better, so I guess yes? I've taken my car to them a number of times and they're always really nice, the bloke who owns it chats to me about minis (proper ones).
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:48, Reply)

Why?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:49, Reply)

I used to have a proper mini
and everyone who's ever worked in a garage has owned a mini at some point. I love 'em to bits, I wish I could afford another one.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:51, Reply)

What sort of mini would you get?
Assuming money was no object?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:52, Reply)

One that works and isn't full of rust
this was often an issue with the two minis I owned.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:56, Reply)

Do you like the new mini?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:57, Reply)

NO.
it can fuck off. As a car in it's own right, I'm sure it's fine, but it is NOT a mini.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:59, Reply)

Just say what you feel.
Did you notice I sent you a message?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:01, Reply)

berk why can't I have hot history boy?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:01, Reply)

Who is hot history boy?
(Answer on the left!)

And why is berk stopping you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:02, Reply)

It'll be around the right time for me to go and see my parents as well

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)

Oh Northern Quarter.
I'm having something to eat. I don't care.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)

go for it
you've thought about it and still want it, so you clearly really need something!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)

I nommed down some poppadoms, plain.
Going to Body Blitz tomorrow. OH DEAR GOD
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)

wow, good girl
i am majorly impressed
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)

And on Wednesday it's Tae Bo
Had to cancel Hatha Yoga on Sunday, I wouldn't be so cruel to abandon Berk and Amberl.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)

jesus
you'll be falling through drain grids if you keep that up!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)

That is my intention
I feel the classes push me harder. If I'd been hurting as much as I did just working out on my own as when I was doing yoga, I would have given up. But now my core muscles actually hurt, which is a good sign.

I might find an old belt and do some exercises at home. When I clear a space big enough.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)

My mrs is exactly the same
if someone else shouts at her, she'll push herself, if I suggest she might want to just try a bit harder, she shouts and me and punches me in the balls.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)

I like the sound of that.
She seems sensible.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)

Top tip Al.
They can get REALLY aggressive if you suggest they try a bit harder with things like 'cleaning'.

Turns out, ladies are under the impression that half, if not more, mess a house is down to the bloke who lives in it.

Who'da thunk it, eh?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)

You know, it would have been easier and cheaper
to get a cleaner instead of a divorce...
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:09, Reply)

We had a cleaner.
I almost killed her. (The cleaner).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:10, Reply)

I imagine the shock
of wandering in to the bedroom to find a cocker spaniel on your cock did her heart problems no favours.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)

True story.
Hospitals and insurance claims were involved.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)

Dare I ask...?

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)

Women are so stupid
everyone knows men don't make mess.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:09, Reply)