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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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In case anyone is interested.
Pic of burnt dress in replies.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:46, 384 replies, latest was 15 years ago)


(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:47, Reply)
Good impression of Miss Haversham.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:49, Reply)
you spastic

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:51, Reply)
It was all going well till the brushetta arrived.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:58, Reply)
80% of my annecdotes start like that.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:00, Reply)
Do the other 20% start like
80% of my annecdotes start like that.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:11, Reply)
No the other 20% start
"I was having an argument on the internet when..."
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:15, Reply)
HOT!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:17, Reply)
your sex is on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)
de RIS please

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:57, Reply)
She went to a wedding in Spain
and went up in flames thanks to the handily placed candles on the floor.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:59, Reply)
Attended wedding.
Large floor candles + floaty dress = burnt dress.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:59, Reply)
Fucking hell love
you really spanked that one! You didn't get burnt yourself though, right?
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:01, Reply)
No! several men around me stomped that fucker right out before I got a flame near me.
And threw several glasses of champagne on me.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:02, Reply)
Please tell me they said "Aye Carumba"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:04, Reply)
haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:08, Reply)
I'm glad you were a bit tiddly
I think I would have panicked slightly if I'd been sober, myself.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:06, Reply)
It all happened so fast to be honest.
I didn't have time to be panicky and yes the alcohol probably helped.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:09, Reply)
My ex wife set herself on fire in a church once.
Thanks to 80's fashion involving incredibly wide sleeves and a strategically placed candle.

Mind you, her cousin also managed to burn a whole church down. Catholic, y' know.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:10, Reply)
My mate once spilled her vodka down her tits/top
and her mate was leaning round her shoulders with a lit fag in his hand. Woosh! It was almost pretty, but boobs really aren't meant to on fire.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:18, Reply)
So rather than smuggling peanuts
Was she smuggling toasted coffee beans?

I admit, this would have been a lot better if she'd spilt Sambuca over her tits
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)
What's smuggling peanuts a euphemism for?

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:32, Reply)
When your nips go pointy

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:34, Reply)
Oh, I see!
yes, kind of, in that case.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:38, Reply)
I set my fringe on fire lighting a fag on the gas stove a few years back.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)
I'm sure the proper response should be concern, but:
bahahahaha!
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:34, Reply)
It wasn't a good look :(
Plus it went all crispy.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:38, Reply)
I know how you mean
I've set my arm hair alight doing fire poi before. And it bloody honks. It's a bit more obvious when it's your fringe though, you retard :P
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:43, Reply)
I was very very drunk, in my defence.
But yeah... it took ages to get that Aushwitz smell out of the kitchen!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:44, Reply)
Was that the night I spent in The Grey Bar Hotel?
If I remember, I had all the lighters with me :o/
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:16, Reply)
I'm no expert on dresses, but that reminds me of a pair of curtains from my student house

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:11, Reply)
Ooooooo! bitchy!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:13, Reply)
Fank yoo xxx
I was worrying about losing my powers with todays once yearly haircut, but it looks like I'm still on top of my game.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:15, Reply)
*trigger fingers*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:17, Reply)
*fingers*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)
*squirms*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)
*probes deeply*
*sniffs*
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)
As someone who has been ablaze herself, and got quite badly burnt
may I just say, it's easily done!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:14, Reply)
Thank fuck it's not just me then.
I was being so careful an all.

What happened to you toots?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:18, Reply)
if I remember correctly
her old man set about* her shell suit clad legs with a blow torch



*by accident
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:23, Reply)
: /
I remember now.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:25, Reply)
I would mock but this time last year I set my sombrero on fire in a pub in Soho. Great days.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:15, Reply)
I remember your sombrero outing!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)
A bloke tapping me on the shoulder before casually going "your sombrero's on fire" will live with me forever.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)
I'm waiting for the public information to come out.
*Blousie Says..... 'Never wear a long flowing dress near fire*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:20, Reply)
Blousie says........stay clear of brushetta when attending a wedding with floor candles and a floaty dress.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:21, Reply)
There should be a lot more
'Blousie says' statements.

Consider yourself encouraged.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:24, Reply)
I will oblige.
I'm not nearly opionated enough on here.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)
I concur.
However, blousie needs to go "arrrmeowmeowrrrnyarghmeowrrrmeowmeow" and have a badly animated cartoon boy translate it for the benefit of the audience.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)
Charlie says.........you're standing on my fucking tail.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)
How about a badly animated geordie with spiky hair, a dalek and a hot wife?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)
I could totally perform that role with aplomb!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)
Aw...
*scuffs feet shyly*
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:17, Reply)
Blousie says ... Never say no when a man is trying to have his way with you in case he stops and you don't have the sex.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)
Blousy says "I WEAR 'BLAZERS'
And 'flares'.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:36, Reply)
I'll get the t-shirts printed with the legend that is...
'Blousie says... RELAX'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:39, Reply)
I did have one of those Frankie says relax t-shirts.
But I only wore it in bed.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)
I bet when you relaxed you did a big fart.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:41, Reply)
Farty says RELAX?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:42, Reply)
Haha!
You daft bugger.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:42, Reply)
*Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft ... ... ... pfffffffffffffffffft ... ... ... pfffft ... pfffffft .... ... ... pffft*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:45, Reply)
Blousie Farty-Pants?
Straight out of Viz.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:47, Reply)
I have pheasant for dinner tonight
it's almost worth being made to wait until half 8 to eat it
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)
I bet it's massively underwhelming.
Is your mrs making it for you or are you away?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)
don't say that. you bastard.
I'm away
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)
I suspect it will be the Robocop 3 of pheasants.
The concept is interesting and full of promise, the reality contains a bad japanese ninja cyborg and an annoying small child.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)
I bet she's serving it with cyberpunks too
*sadface*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:35, Reply)
I reckon she's serving it with photos of your fiancee being satisfied by a man with a less ridiculous haircut.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)
*waves*

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:33, Reply)
he said man
and satisfied
and less ridiculous haircut

clearly not you
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:54, Reply)
HEY!
Every woman has been satisfied when I left!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)
left what?
the pub? them alone?? an extra twenty percent???
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:20, Reply)
My "that's the joke" bookmark is on my work PC

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)
if i don't help you point it out
nobody will get it

besides i hate that thing. the grammar is wrong, it is intensely irritating.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:23, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1045940
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:25, Reply)
pffffffffft
if i thought for even one second that you could spot the undeliberate mistake, i'd give you my car!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)
Hahahahahahaha!
Bless your dyspraxic heart :)
Although it's not as bad as I'd imagined...
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:14, Reply)
Imagine the damage if Blousie had let rip with a massive guff whilst burning away?
I've not used the word 'guff' in years, this was the only reason for the post
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:17, Reply)
Let go of this obsession with my bowel gasses please.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:21, Reply)
Sorry Blousie.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:29, Reply)
Excellent use of the word, dear chap!
However, Blousie is a total lady, ergo any guffage of hers smells of lavender :)
My arse is a different kettle of fish entirely...*
*contains more than a modicum of truth on the internet
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:21, Reply)
It was also ripped at the top seams where where it joined the bodice. The stamping had caused it to rip : )
I knotted the material together at the top and bottom. I was past caring by then.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:20, Reply)
We can totally fix it with some net curtains and a small ohborjean :)

(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:23, Reply)
Woo!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:26, Reply)
oh boy oh boy oh boy
Glee and Silent Witness on one night!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:49, Reply)
You massive helmet

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:52, Reply)
Evening Al. I am watching Silent Witness though. It;s good!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:54, Reply)
Evening bumface.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:57, Reply)
Alright dude,
went round to visit a friend who has just moved in with an old house mate of mine. Went for a beer, came back to find the owners dog a radeejan ridgeback (no clue on spelling) had decided to eat the tv controller, a trainer and my copy of fifa 11! Dogs are rubbish
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:59, Reply)
rhodesian ridgeback?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)
That's the one alright but he is almost two now and ginormous.
He is at least 5 and a half feet long and taller than my two year old nephew.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:14, Reply)
My brother in law has 2
They are massive, but still cute
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)
He is a big dumb brute but misled by the other dog. An aging Jack Russell who is just destructive.
Neither have been spayed either so they can be quite a handful. I want to get a sprocker spaniel I think.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:23, Reply)
Do dogs play Fifa?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:25, Reply)
No but they seem to enjoy eating the disc.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)
It is quite funny.
Was it your shoe and TV remote?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:29, Reply)
no, I was wearing my shoes and tend not to take my remote out of the living room.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)
What channel is the TV stuck on?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)
405 Sky Sports News when I left
but I think he has a spare cause it's happened before.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
I'm not convinced that anything on TV is good these days
even hollyoaks got ridiculous when Darren Osbourne impregnated Rhys' mum with twins.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:59, Reply)
I think the BBC still has some good shows such as Silent Witness, Luther, Sherlock etc
but you are right most of it, bar sports, is shite.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:01, Reply)
I saw an episode of Luther and rather enjoyed it

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:07, Reply)
I rated Luther
It's a great show.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)
It's back soon.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)
Ooh, I did like it.
Though I hated the ending NOO WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)
I'm just intrigued as to how they are going to tie it up and start a new series.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:30, Reply)
Yeek.
Glad you didn't actually burn skin. That would be horrific :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)
How's your anus?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:10, Reply)
It's fine, actually
It spent a lot of time in the air as I was doing yoga today, in a vain attempt to get me fit and slim and toned.

I've a long way to go. Are you coming to Montstock?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)
I am if the useless cunt ever lets me know the details.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)
As far as I know it's 6.30 on Saturday
unless he's leading me astray.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:24, Reply)
S'what I heard.

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)
I was hoping there would be more to it than that.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
You've not met the Charmonster have you?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
Your redhaired friend?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)
lampers
tesco have fucked with our low-fat poppadum snack. check this out:

dear sirs

i am very disappointed to note that you have "improved" the recipe of your own-brand poppadums by dipping them in madras oil. this has doubled the fat and calorie content, and the oil is visible running around the bottom of the pack.

please please please unimprove the recipe again, and quickly, before i am forced to walk the extra ten minutes to sainsburys to buy their poppadums instead.

many thanks,

etc

no reply as yet...............
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)
I trust you'll start a Facebook campaign?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)
No No NO NO NO NO NO!
What the fuck, man. Also, mini-poppadoms are so much worse...

Had a baked potato today, yet I'm still hungry. I may go slightly crazy and eat 20 rice cakes, and if I do that, I may just have eaten half a pizza or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)
drink 2 pints of evian, quickly!
that's what i just did instead of eating after the gym, which means my total calorie intake today is now -500. this would be great if it weren't for the fact that the weekend was a disaster!

went to some great bars in the northern quarter, i've not been out round there for ages.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)
Is Cord still there?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)
i was a bit too drunk to notice the names, sorry
AMAZING pizzas at dough, though. wholemeal base ftw.

i think. i was 15 vodkas down by that point.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:36, Reply)
There's always somewhere good to go to in the Northern Quarter
I don't have the time for all the corporate crap at the Deansgate Locks
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
dull dull dull
the only advantage is that they are near the train station.

but i'm a spoiled wilmslow bitch so i just taxi in and out anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)
I've not been to Dough. Looks gorgeous.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
honestly, it was lush
we started with hot doughy breadsticks with pesto and houmous and oil and garlic butter, then had pizza.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)
The northern quarter is ace
I've not been out there in years though :(
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)
it's got so much character
the men were dire though, absolutely dire. and i thought london bred trolls!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
You think all men are dire.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
I posted those puppies up there just for you Jeff
Did you like them?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
Yes.
I had to take my laptop to the bathroom, where... err, the light is better.

Yes. That's right. The light is much better in the bathroom, so that's why I took my laptop there.

The fact there are tissues a plenty in the bathroom is neither here no there.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
And a little blonde puppy.
It's no coincidence the Andrex puppy is now cgi. Jeff did a 'maddy' on the real one.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)
1 or 2 are ok

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
+ at a time
Any more than that and their cocks get in each others way.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)
i don't do odd numbers
and i don't do girls. but i'd still almost rather MFF than MMF. i just think..... surely any guy who does MMF is at least bi-curious if he is willing to see another dude in the buff and up for it.

or am i being prudish here?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)
You wouldn't want one cock in your foo foo while the other pokes your poo chute?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:49, Reply)
Double penetration just sounds revolting

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)
^ this ^

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
I imagine it's one of those things
that isn't actually pleasurable for any of the parties involved, but was invented purely for the way it looks in porn
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
I've nothing against bi-curious guys myself
they're generally a bit hot
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)
absolutely to look at
but i don't generally fancy them - i like my men arrogant and unwashed and emotionally retarded!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)
Not forgetting an inability to control their bowel movements.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)
have to disagree
there's a guy in my college who is absolutely burningly hot- proper model looks, tiny bit bi-curious curious, tall, the lot. *daydreams*
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:17, Reply)
It's true :(
the only fit men I saw the last time I went out in Manchester were in bars on Canal street, and of absolutely no use to me whatsoever!
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
welcome to my world
my hottest male friends are all 3 gay as a window
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
You are suffering from a serious eating disorder

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
don't be daft!
i just need to slim down some more.

people with eating disorders go to extraordinary lengths to hide them and not talk about food, they don't rant about it online!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
Not eating after exercise isn't a very good idea.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
this is true
but i need to work off a curry (fri), a pizza (sat) and a pub lunch (sun). i am disgusting!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
You disgust me certainly.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
this is a huge lie, isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)
Let's not talk about tax or politics in real life and I'm sure it will stay a lie.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)
i'll just wear a low cut top
and you'll agree with every single one of my evil capitalist ways
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)
I'm sure you don't need to slim down more
and your attitude to food and exercise genuinely worries me sometimes. I'm just saying, be careful is all.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
when we meet up in march
you'll see that there is nothing to worry about (sadly!)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
Hmm, I'm sure you were fine before
and I'm sure you're fine now, albeit thinner. I'm also sure you don't need to starve yourself in to a lollypop-head shape.
Are we doing that up north or in London, btw, have you decided?
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:48, Reply)
i need to get off my arse and organise it
depends who can come - if applebite, kitty, you and bgb can all come, and lampito has a home in stockport anyway, it might be better if i pick amberl up en route and we do it in manchester.

i will send a fb suggestion around.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)
I'm definitely game for a Manchester night out
especially if you have more than one spare seat in your shiny shiny Merc :D
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
oh i'm sooooooo sorry
but the stupid thing is a 2 seater so i'll have to toss a coin!!!

we will need to sort the logistics... personally i wouldn't mind brum either, it's halfway innit.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)
You know you love me bestest

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
you are a total star, we all know this

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
Haha, pick Amberl up, it'll be more expensive for her to get there because it's further
I just wanted a go in the shiny car! I'll get the megabus, or I could even stop being a lazy arse and drive myself.

EDIT - also, Manchester is a better night out that Brum for sure, and there's only three of us coming from down south so Manchester makes more sense.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
i will take you for a ride. if it's not raining we can put the top down and pose

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)
Haha, awesome
I think I even have some big sunglasses somewhere...
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)
and I trust a Grace Kelly scarf as well

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)
No, but I might ask to borrow one?

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
Of course you can
I have Vivienne Westwood one that will do the job magnificently
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)
Ban this sick filth!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:04, Reply)
we'll take some pics

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)
I don't know if my ageing heart will take the strain, frankly.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)
Also, for fuck's sake, b3ta's running slower than a three legged race in which the only entrants are all wearing callipers.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)
Run Forrest!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
Swipe and Berk
The Thelma and Louise of OT.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
You love it.

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)
You'll have to find your Brad Pitt though, to complete the adventure.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)
I wish :(
I've never seen Thelma and Louise though, don't they kill someone and then commit suicide? My life's been a bit iffy recently but it really isn't that bad!
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:35, Reply)
But you've got no tennis to play.
It might be something for you to consider.

Especially if your car is still fucked.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)
I've got no tennis and my car is fucked
therefore, go on a roadtrip and kill myself? Erm. No? Besides, car is fixed now, although my savings have gone :(
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:45, Reply)
Have they done a good job on your car?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:46, Reply)
Well, it's working
and it drives a lot better, so I guess yes? I've taken my car to them a number of times and they're always really nice, the bloke who owns it chats to me about minis (proper ones).
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:48, Reply)
Why?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:49, Reply)
I used to have a proper mini
and everyone who's ever worked in a garage has owned a mini at some point. I love 'em to bits, I wish I could afford another one.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:51, Reply)
What sort of mini would you get?
Assuming money was no object?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:52, Reply)
One that works and isn't full of rust
this was often an issue with the two minis I owned.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:56, Reply)
Do you like the new mini?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:57, Reply)
NO.
it can fuck off. As a car in it's own right, I'm sure it's fine, but it is NOT a mini.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:59, Reply)
Just say what you feel.
Did you notice I sent you a message?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:01, Reply)
berk why can't I have hot history boy?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:01, Reply)
Who is hot history boy?
(Answer on the left!)

And why is berk stopping you?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:02, Reply)
It'll be around the right time for me to go and see my parents as well

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)
Oh Northern Quarter.
I'm having something to eat. I don't care.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
go for it
you've thought about it and still want it, so you clearly really need something!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
I nommed down some poppadoms, plain.
Going to Body Blitz tomorrow. OH DEAR GOD
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
wow, good girl
i am majorly impressed
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
And on Wednesday it's Tae Bo
Had to cancel Hatha Yoga on Sunday, I wouldn't be so cruel to abandon Berk and Amberl.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)
jesus
you'll be falling through drain grids if you keep that up!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)
That is my intention
I feel the classes push me harder. If I'd been hurting as much as I did just working out on my own as when I was doing yoga, I would have given up. But now my core muscles actually hurt, which is a good sign.

I might find an old belt and do some exercises at home. When I clear a space big enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
My mrs is exactly the same
if someone else shouts at her, she'll push herself, if I suggest she might want to just try a bit harder, she shouts and me and punches me in the balls.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)
I like the sound of that.
She seems sensible.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)
Top tip Al.
They can get REALLY aggressive if you suggest they try a bit harder with things like 'cleaning'.

Turns out, ladies are under the impression that half, if not more, mess a house is down to the bloke who lives in it.

Who'da thunk it, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)
You know, it would have been easier and cheaper
to get a cleaner instead of a divorce...
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:09, Reply)
We had a cleaner.
I almost killed her. (The cleaner).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:10, Reply)
I imagine the shock
of wandering in to the bedroom to find a cocker spaniel on your cock did her heart problems no favours.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)
True story.
Hospitals and insurance claims were involved.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
Dare I ask...?

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)
Women are so stupid
everyone knows men don't make mess.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:09, Reply)
Not only did the useless cunts at the tennis centre
move me from the class with the insanely hot coach, they have now cancelled the class I go to because there's only two of us and it's not making any money. I can't go to any of the others. This is totally lame :(
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)
Game set and match to the Tennis club berk.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)
Ha very ha
I'm not at all amused.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)
Why not try squash instead?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
I'd squash her.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
With your big fat arse?
more than likely.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
Because I don't LIKE squash
I like to play tennis.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
Why can't you go back to the other class you were doing?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
Full
so they moved me to this one and now they're stopping running it.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
Tell them this isn't good enough.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:45, Reply)
*shrugs*
if the course makes a loss they can't afford to run it, I can't make them run it just because it's the only one I can make. I'm just annoyed is all.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)
Why not try and find some more tennis players who want to go on the course?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
Because I don't really know anyone down here, do I?
I know you're trying to be helpful, and I appreciate it, believe it or not.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)
Where is here? Brum?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:57, Reply)
Yup

(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
Why not phone your local radio stations and get them to put out the 'shout'
Anyone for tennis?

Yes, I know this isn't helpful either
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)
If you have no libido
why do you care about the hotness of the coach?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
Window shopping innit
plus I enjoy flirting with him, even if I'm blatantly not going to do anything about it.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
You don't think about his big throbbing cock lobbing, smashing, balls, other tennis related smut etc.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
No
I do not.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
by contrast it certainly sounds as if al does

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)
Liar
pants on fire with wanton lust.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:48, Reply)
Blousie is the one that sets her clothes on fire
not me.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:55, Reply)
I trust you weren't burned yourself?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)
You massive bummer!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
Indeed it appears so
a slightly drunk one at that
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
Oh boy, if we were alone right now, i'd totally take advantage of your drunken state
by stealing your phone and texting a photo of my cock to your mum.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
her phone can't get pictures
so all is fine
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)
I might just go round her house and show her my cock then.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)
Drunk? You??
Surely not!
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
tipsy more than drunk
4 double vodkas and a couple of beers and I'm a little merry
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:04, Reply)
Send an attractive man a flirtatious text!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)
Never
No offence Al but I'm currently binging on a packet of Doritos and a Frij milkshake. Not even a sexstarved monk would find me attractive
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:09, Reply)
I'm so hard for you right now.
What flavour milkshake?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:11, Reply)
Strawberry milkshake,
and Chilli Doritos. I disgust even myself
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
He would if he was a catholic priest
and you were an underage boy in a frilly frock.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:11, Reply)
It's funny because
even though it was a double post, there were minor discrepancies in the way it was presented :p
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)
Student in alcohol shocker.
You'll be wanting chips soon.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)
alright Off Topic?
The only B3ta board to be named after a past its use by date chocolate bar.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:10, Reply)
alright dozer
Have you noticed, that if you squint a bit, Blousie's leg in the photo looks like a big cock hanging down.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:11, Reply)
I HAVE NOW
Hubba fucking hubba.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)
I can totally see that now
I really wish you hadn;t pointed that out...
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:20, Reply)
what about
/Rancid Galaxy?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
It doesn't actually exist though, does it?
You are SpankyHanky AICMFP.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)
you go to far, sir!
Anyway, just because you don't know about the secret other board
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)
Where is 'far'?
And how do I get there?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)
fuck off, that's where
*raspberrys*
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:19, Reply)
You've got issues Crunchy.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:21, Reply)
this evening I am, like, totally
hyper. Not sure why. Should go to bed, but you know, I think I'll just insult people on the internet for a while.

cock
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:22, Reply)
*Winds up Crunchy further*
IT'S A PUPPET!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
fucking cocking twatmunchering cuntbag
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)
IT'S A PUPPET!
(Connelly got away with that one catchphrase for years, consider this a regular term of Crunchy abuse from here on in)
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)
then I will always consider you
Jeff the fucking cocking twatmunchering cuntbag
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
PUPPET!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)
Evening dozer.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)
Aight Jeffington.
Cold chillin', aight?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
Nice.
I'm loafin' good.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:16, Reply)
Safe.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:20, Reply)
ALI BABA AND THE FORTY THIEVES!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)
OPEN SESAME!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)

It's a Beasties ting.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
It's a pantomine thing

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:31, Reply)
Oh no it isn't.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)
Finally, a pun that actually got a chuckle
well done.
(berk, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:53, Reply)
Really?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:54, Reply)
Yup
an actual giggle.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:06, Reply)
Bloody hell, is everyone still up?
I need music to listen to. I am bored as all hell.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:02, Reply)
Amberl, down here
is hot history boy the same as scrabble boy? or is he the casual sex boy?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:03, Reply)
Amberl has casual sex? NOOOOOO! SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:13, Reply)
She's far too classy for that
I was referring to that particular boy's preferences.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:27, Reply)
jeff
He's hot. And far out of my reach. Like the stars.

berk is not stopping me, I'm just moaning
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:04, Reply)
Why don't you do something about it though?
Are you in regular communications with him?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:05, Reply)
What have you got to lose?
just ask him for a drink.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:06, Reply)
This^

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:08, Reply)
He's properly out of my league
and I share the occasional class with him as well!
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:09, Reply)
Well there is no reason why you can't suggest a group social
And see if there is any spark there, is there?

You might well be his type, you just don't know.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:11, Reply)
If his "type" involves breasts
then she's his type.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:15, Reply)
No his type is pretty, posh blonde girls

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)
So...
how are you not his type, exactly?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:34, Reply)
I will modify my above answer
REALLY pretty, REALLY blond, REALLY posh girls.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:37, Reply)
True I spose
You're only slightly posh.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:38, Reply)
I'm none of the above
I bloody well hope London is different
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:58, Reply)
Your league
is probably considerably greater and higher than you believe it is. But you could always leave it until easter, and after that you won't really have any classes, so if he knocks you back you won't really ever have to see him again..
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:12, Reply)
That's so spineless
Right, lets lay it out here, no man is ever upset or embarrassed when a pretty girl asks him out for a drink. He'll either give it a go to see what happens, or he'll politely decline, but he won't hold it against you.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:15, Reply)
the problem is college
we're the gossipiest college in Oxford and I don't think I could put up with the constant gloating/gossip if he knocked me back
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:20, Reply)
Depends how you ask though.
You could be sneeky.

If, one a group social he happens to mention he is going to a rugby/football/hockey game, pipe up with, 'I've always fancied going to that, but I've never known anyone who fancied going' - and leave it at that, see if he suggests something.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:22, Reply)
This is not entirely true
some men are real cunts and will laugh you out of a room. I know, as this has happened to not only me but a number of people I know.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:20, Reply)
Not all men are cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:22, Reply)
And even amongst them, very few are likely to burst into tears, phone the police and try and get you arrested on a charge of assault.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:25, Reply)
No, I know they're not
I seem to have encountered a few in my time is all.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)
as have we all

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:27, Reply)
Not I
But then I've never had a girl laugh in my face due to my advances.
Mainly because I never make any because I'm paranoid and crippled with fear of rejection
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:33, Reply)
What, never?
Surely not. (to the latter rather than the former)
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:39, Reply)
Ok, not never
Once, and it started my first long term relationship. I was a bit more confident back then. Nowadays (last 3 years or so) I just have never been able to pluck up the courage to just ask.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:43, Reply)
Dude
you're nearly 30. MTFU and ask! What's changed between then and now that you have less confidence?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:45, Reply)
Some personal stuff mixed in with putting on weight
I was skinny back in uni days. And thanks for reminding me about my age :p
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:47, Reply)
God, you're as bad as swipe and Amberl
you're NOT FAT.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:49, Reply)
I hide it well, srsly
Cider has been a cruel mistress to me, love handles (or as my ex called them, 'door frames') suck.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:52, Reply)
I'm sure this is a monumental load of bollocks
you're not fat.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:03, Reply)
I want to lose some off my belly/hips
And build some strength up. Then I might be more comfortable in myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:06, Reply)
And did you cycle in to work today? :P

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:08, Reply)
I did actually
It was a fair shock to the system!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:11, Reply)
Good for you!
how far is it?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:17, Reply)
No more than a mile
But with traffic and a steep hill...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:20, Reply)
Well, it's a start
*not judging you at all with a 6 mile round trip and two steep hills..
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:23, Reply)
Nice going!
What I used to do, and plan to start again, is after I get home from work staying on the bike and continuing past my house to the country walk/cycle path, go for 3 miles down there then head back.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:27, Reply)
Ugh, that's noble
I don't think I could be arsed after work, but fair play to you. Sometimes I stay at work til 6pm or later simply because I can't be arsed to cycle home!
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:32, Reply)
You've got a longer trip though
Sometimes by the time I get home I've just found my stride, so want to go another 20 minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:35, Reply)
NEARLY 30?
Pfft.

I've got to the age now when I only judge women on how many kids I'm expected to take on!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:49, Reply)
You're not old
and he's not fat. What is it with everyone on here?!
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:51, Reply)
We're all lacking in selfconfidence

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:54, Reply)
Nail... head.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:56, Reply)
I'm starting to feel old though berk.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:57, Reply)
Better than feeling yourself
In public at least.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:57, Reply)
You're as old as the woman you feel
mind you, in dog years...
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:04, Reply)
You're mean to me.
*Sulks*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:06, Reply)
Not even a smirk?
I thought that was quite amusing.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:07, Reply)

Yeah, but I can't tell you I smiled, can I? I'm not losing my positions as the night time pun slinger!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:11, Reply)
I don't think you're in any danger of that, midear

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:16, Reply)
*BEAMS*
That was a compliment, yes?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:23, Reply)
Yes dear

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:31, Reply)
heh heh heh

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:35, Reply)
What Jeff said
I've never known any man be a cunt like that, and if I ever saw a mate do it I'd give him a piece of my mind!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)
Wow.
*Sobs a bit*

Someone on the Internet agrees with me.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:25, Reply)
Are you going to print it out and get your mum to put it on the fridge?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)
Why don't you tell her for me, when you next see her?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:28, Reply)
You know?
Aww man, look, Jeff, I was trying to keep it a secret, y'know? It's just... I know you can be busy, so I thought I'd be the one to help your Mum with the Times crossword. We cool?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:31, Reply)
DADDY!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)
There's no way he's out of your league
So just ask him if he fancies a drink some time.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:25, Reply)
This man is model-hot
though I genuinely don't just like him for his looks
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:26, Reply)
Is he on your facebook?
*moseys over for a browse*
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:28, Reply)
he is on facebook yeah
but his privacy settings are high
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:32, Reply)
No casual perving then?
Shame. You'll have to point him out when I come down next month. I promise I won't embarrass you...
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:33, Reply)
"Oi! OIIII!!! You!! No, not you, YOU! You with the hair!"
"My mate fancies you! She wants to get off with you an' everyfing! Teehee!"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)
I'm going cold all over
just thinking about it!
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:36, Reply)
She won't even be drunk when she does it
And she'll be yelling it at random strangers.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:38, Reply)
I would never be so cruel
I've had people do that to me and I genuinely wanted to stomp their face in to mush.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:38, Reply)
Last time a girl said that to me I was 14
She said "My mate wants to snog you". I didn't think her mate was that good looking, so I said "Erm, no thank you". She demanded a reason, so I lied and said I had a girlfriend. She then said "No you don't, look at you!", which I think was harsh considering I was trying not to hurt her poor mate.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)
Ugh, teenagers are horrible creatures
to be fair, I don't think I've made a total arse of myself since hitting 20, although I've always been quite shy about asking people out. That was mainly due to body issues though, and now I don't have any I do kind of wonder if the asking-someone-for-a-drink process would still turn me in to a blushing, stuttering fool.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:44, Reply)
woo! Grats on not having body issues any more!
I still do, but getting better. I imagine I'll still fumble over my tongue and accidentally call the girl a cunt when trying to ask her out...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:45, Reply)
'I'm in lesbians with you'?
and yeah, losing 30% of your body weight will do that to you. Of course I still have a few (flatchested, woo yay!) but on the whole I am gazillions better than I was.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:47, Reply)
Haha!
Mind you, if she then says "Eugh, lesbians are evil!" then I've saved myself paying for a wasted dinner.
Hmm, i know my face and general appearance acts as a screening process for finding suitable ladies, maybe I should run through some quickfire questions as well?
1. Are you offended by any of the following: homosexuality, other races or religions, porn, sickipedia or video games?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:50, Reply)
Most women I know
with a very few but rather notable exceptions are not in to porn at all. Or particularly bothered about video games, with the exception of Rock Band.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:53, Reply)
They don't have to be in to it
Just don't like people who rant about it being disgusting. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, and I'm not evangelising it, just I don't think (caveat: normal porn!) it warrants hate-fueled rants.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:56, Reply)
Certainly not whilst you're having a wank, anyway.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:58, Reply)
Exactly!
Besides, it's my laptop and I paid for the flights...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:01, Reply)
Meh. Normal sex is normal
just watching other people do it does nothing for me, and I find it slightly distasteful, but I don't hate it. There is an awful lot of fucking weird and nasty porn out there though, and I don't like that at all.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:06, Reply)
To the first point, that's a perfectly acceptable attitude
To the second, I'm desensitised to a LOT of the various kinks out there, but there are still some that are just nasty even if they do fall into my "it's all fine so long as it's between consenting adults" remit.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:10, Reply)
No, but they help
Get making small talk with him and see if he fancies a drink. If he politely declines, you've not lost anything. If he's a cunt and laughs or gossips, get the OT White Knight Brigade on the case!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)
Achem.
Sorry to wade in, but having read this, it seems like you're having a wibbler over nothing. The solution is simple. Get drunk, try pulling him, if it doesn't work, blame the booze.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:31, Reply)
It's only because I'm a bit tipsy
that I'm even thinking about it. And I can't do the drunk thing because last time I did that (it went horribly wrong) he was present!
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)
Thinks....
got it!

Drugs. Go on a drugs bender, and THEN try and pull him.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)
Or go for the Chompy route
aka 'Plink Plink Fizzzzz'
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:44, Reply)
That is quite possibly the sweetest way I've ever heard date rape mentioned.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:45, Reply)
I like to think I have a way with words

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:46, Reply)
You have.
Quite rapey would be my assessment!

*Ignore my sig*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:50, Reply)
Yeah, but sweet-rapey
He'd cuddle you afterwards
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:51, Reply)
I'm so awesome it could never be rape

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:53, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1046178
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:57, Reply)
Aww
you're so mean Amberl.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:58, Reply)
Yep, I'm a contradiction
Or contra-dick-shun.
I don't think I'm that awesome, it's just false internet bravado for comedic purpose, I do lack self-confidence.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:59, Reply)
now I feel mean
you were pretty cool when I met you :)
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:03, Reply)
I'm all good in that kind of pub b3ta social situation once I relax
It's more I have no self-confidence in approaching complete strangers.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:07, Reply)
But they;re complete strangers
whom you will never see again if it all goes wrong.

NB, I have yet to take my own advice on this
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:12, Reply)
You may have noticed I was giving the same advice to Amberl
Do as I say, not as I do (or don't, in this case).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:14, Reply)
Join the rest of b3ta in that
We'd never flirt with a total stranger make a real move on someone we liked
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:17, Reply)
Does this mean I'm not allowed on b3ta anymore?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:19, Reply)
Sorry Bella
if you have confidence in real life and are attractive and outgoing you're part of a very niche (but not unknown) section of /offtopic
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:21, Reply)
Hm.
I think it's because I don't *actually* like people I flirt with. By that, I mean that I don't want a relationship with them and don't care whether I ever see them again. I hate relationships.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:24, Reply)
I would
and do. It's when it stops being harmless flirting and me taking a genuine interest in them (or rarely, vice versa) that I become a gibbering idiot.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:21, Reply)
You're right
I should modify that to ever making a genuine move
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:22, Reply)
True
I can talk to girls, but if I quite fancy them then there's no way I won't turn into a slurring, inarticulate mumbler.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:29, Reply)
*panders Labs*
EDIT: That was supposed to also say:

[Insert whatever cheers you up here]
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:03, Reply)
Hehe, thanks for my generic pandering :P

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:08, Reply)
*generic acceptance of your thanks*

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 1:14, Reply)
Well, it's either MTFU or frustrated wanking for you, m'dear.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)

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