Let's have a bit of a debate.
I propose an increase in family related benfits/support for parents who are willing to pass an educational course with yearly inspections.

This course would become mandatory on, say, the 3rd offence a child makes that involves police action.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 12:57, 65 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

nope
It wouldn't work and it'd be hideously expensive.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Nope, specious idea.
Social engineering is very very hard to implement, and the state should have a very hands off approach to parenting.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:05, Reply)

What would you know about parenting?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I'm jugmental enough to comment on everything.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:12, Reply)

YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED A CHILD BEFORE YOU CAN COMMENT

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

what has jugmental got to do with children?
it's all about teh breasts, surely.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:17, Reply)

have you been reading and forming opinions again?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:44, Reply)

dangerous hobby

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I propose anyone who wants to breed has to pass an inspection by me
If I don't like you Sir, then you're not going in
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:05, Reply)

You just want to look at the penises of a load of illegal immigrants.

You disgust me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

eeew why the fuck would I look at their penises?
I'd ask them if they liked U2 and judge it soley on that.

But I'd phrase it "I love Bono and The Edge and that other guy who are in the amazing band U2 do you?" then if they lie to attempt to please me I can shoot them in the foot.

Oh lying is a shootable offence in this scenario.

And if they say yes and mean it I shoot them in the groin.

Oh liking U2 is a shootable offence in this scenario
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Nonsense. You want to see brown penises. Don't fucking lie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

She does spy on you and Lampito a lot

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

oh now they'll pull the curtains

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

No they won't
they're going in a new direction. Exhibitionism. Probably at the Victoria and Albert
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:26, Reply)

New direction - or 'nude erection'...?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

it's an and/or

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

I read that as "anyone who wants to breed with me has to pass an inspection by me" and thought "Yeah', durrr".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Send 'em back, I say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:07, Reply)

You'd never pass the tests.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

depends what mood i'm in
sometimes i think "if you choose to have children, you shouldn't get any benefits, why should anyone else help you out, don't have them if you can't afford them" and other times i think "every child should have an equal start in life, so let's make sure every family has the same amount to spend per child".

it's a bit echoey inside my head sometimes. it does irritate me though, when my friend who is a health visitor tells me stories about how she pushes for grants so that families with babies crawling on bare floorboards can get carpets - and they blue the lot on a massive plasma screen tv. or the woman who spent £3k which was meant for a new kitchen on designer baby clothes. the intention was so good. the brain was so dead.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Sorry I didn't reply in the last thread went to get lunch
They've got an office in MK with a job I might apply for. Are they overpaid expensive consultant bastards only after money?
If so I'm going to apply.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:11, Reply)

ha, well, it depends which bit of them
but regardless i say go for it, definitely. it's an amazing name to have on your cv, they have offices all over the world, they'd pay much better than most employers, much better benefits etc.

if you want me to ask my friends about anything to do with the application/interview process, let me know.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:14, Reply)

I don't know if I'm going to apply at all,
I'm pretty offended they have milton keynes as part of London.
Edit: They also have Bath as part of london ffs.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:17, Reply)

not as offended as london is

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

You're just a suburb of Greater MK
get over it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Fucking hell you can "like" the job descriptions on facebook.
They sound like 2.0 twats.

still money is nice.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:22, Reply)

It certainly is, from what I can remember.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

2.2 times more than I'm getting at the moment
but still half an hour walking commute.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

i had to go to a meeting in milton keynes recently
is there anything there which isn't square and concrete?

money is important if you're going to be working your arse off for it, but actually i would say it's the career prospects of working for a firm like that which are the main thing - you could go anywhere with them, or anywhere from them.

edit - take the 2.2 salary rise and buy a car.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Chompy's head is square and made of concrete.
Just the other day he was laying in his bed when his flatmate came in and yelled "OH GOD, SOMEONE HAS CAVED IN CHOMPY'S HEAD WITH A PAVING SLAB", but then chompy woke up and his flatmate could tell that chompy's head wasn't a perfectly square concrete paving slab, but a head. he could tell by the way it blinked.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

i would love to live in your world
just for one day
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

I like my little bubble world, it's great, I got a jacuzzi in there that I can use when the dark things go away.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

ey too gonzo?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Do you know what would make your head look less like a perfectly square slab of concrete?
Having an N14 post code.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Yes, the roundabouts are strangely round.
I don't want a car.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

i don't think i saw any roundabouts
i've got to entertain them in london in a couple of weeks, am wondering whether i should just book the nearest slug and lettuce so they don't feel overwhelmed.

well, it's your 2.2 salary jump! spend it on whatever you want, holiday, designer clothes, deposit on a flat, massive drugz, penis enlargement...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:41, Reply)

I haven't got the job yet by the way.
And no, just find a place in london with reasonable service, reasonable prices decent food which isn't filled with cunts and it'll be fine.

Good luck with that.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

you're so literal
since when was getting the job an obstacle to spending the money?

there are millions of amazing bars and restaurants around here. although we might not share the same definition of "reasonable".

(mind you if everybody did, i would be out of a job, it must be the word i use/come across in the context of a dispute more often than anything. i think i type or dictate it about 50 times a day.)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I can list half a dozen restaurants like that without even thinking

(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Tayyab's has excellent food, great prices, and no cunts
When Chompy's not in there.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 14:06, Reply)

When you write things like "blue the lot"
I worry about the state of our legal system
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:12, Reply)

ha
if you have any illusions left, you should try going to court one day and seeing what goes on.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:15, Reply)

She'd either see red or be pretty browned off about the whole thing, I expect.
I blame the blacks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

it amazes me that people don't realise they are entitled to go into the RCJ
and watch trials. ok so most of it's pretty dull, but everyone should have a vague understanding of how a claim works and how a courtroom operates.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

The sollution to that would be to give the money directly to retail, but then you'll get companies undercutting for guarntied sales and producing poor results.
As much as how bad what you said is, I think it's disgusting that Tower Hamlets spent something like £42k last year on celebraty appearances for staff events =S Their morel high ground is about 2cm up from the rest, except they're in a possiton of trust.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

However interesting this is,
I am off. Have a pleasant weekend, everyone!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Enjoy Ireland :)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Diddly, diddly dee, to be sure.
Just getting you warmed up, so I am.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:21, Reply)

I refer you to my Parenting Licence idea from yesterday
In typical me fashion, I would also make Ballroom Dancing classes mandatory for young offenders. It would teach them an enjoyable skill whilst making them look like "poofs" in the eyes of their narrow-minded contemporaries *looks accusingly at all of you, well maybe not all, you know what I mean*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

*looks back belligerently, making "wanker" hand gesture*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

*stands behind Monty and reaches round making "wanker" hand gesture and waits for him to unzip and present*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

You just keep Len on the straight and narrow Monty
or she could end up like me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

*drowns Len 'just in case'*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I fucked off for that convo, and I can't remember if I posted this or not, but this book is brillient and proposes it.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0330426761/ref=kinw_rke_tl_1
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

My brother's just had a 'brilliant idea'
for an 'antisocial network' for Hawkwind fans and acid casualties called 'Spacebook'. I get texts like this all the time - it's like he thinks my phone is Alan Partridge's dictaphone.

'Idea for a series...'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:30, Reply)

I had an idea for an "unfriending service" for the terminally passive aggressive
where rather than having to delete someone from Facebook they pay a burly man with a hammer to go round and smash the offending person's computer, phone etc. The Deluxe package will naturally include some hammer-to-face action as well.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I've be defriended by the same person three times.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:46, Reply)

See if they'd sprung for the deluxe it would only have had to happen the once.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:56, Reply)

The third time was the best
accept friend request with the comment "Hey, wonder how long it takes you to defriend me again!"

not very long was the answer.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 14:00, Reply)

This idea is just an excuse for you to get your hands on some fresh young meat isn't it?
You filthy poove.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:42, Reply)

PMLTBWOHOTD!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Post most likely to be written one handed of the day
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Too long, like that ItsyOtsy thing, I was looking for it today and I still can't find it.
Stupid stupid stupid name of website.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 14:04, Reply)

I'll force that meme down your throats,
it'll be the next who sung this?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 14:21, Reply)