I am that, Aggers.
Utter cunt of the highest order, me.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:38, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's funny cos it's true!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:39, Reply)

It's funny cos it takes one to know one!
/Playground taunts.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Ah well.
I'm rather jealous of the weekend you've got planned!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Yeah, me too
Only the cool kids got invited though. :(
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Seems that way!
What a bunch o' bastards.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:40, Reply)

What time are you getting there?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Don't be stupid Jeff
she said "Kids", we all now Berk is getting on a bit, you know, starting to sag a bit in key places, that kind of thing.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:42, Reply)

That's not a problem I'll have for years yet
I'm too flatchested to really suffer the effects of gravity.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Pfft!
I'm going to Gloucester to visit a mate of mine instead.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:47, Reply)

and here I thought
you were coming to share some Relentless with me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Aww, sorry :(
I am chronically sleep deprived at the minute though (albeit not as much as you, I'm sure) and the last thing I need is energy drinks!
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Technically speaking they invited themselves.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:41, Reply)

I would have brought cake and everything, DG
*shakes head sorrowfully*
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:43, Reply)

I brought wine when I last went
it must have been shit wine though, as I didn't get another invite.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Well my cake is awesome
I'd be guaranteed an invite back, unless I threw up on the dalek or something.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Er, hello, Iron Maiden concert?
You fat cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Oh yeah
I forgot I so rudely threw your kind invitation to stay back in your faces.




Sorry.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:47, Reply)

You're still welcome to pop over.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:49, Reply)

I'll have to see how it plays out, but thank you very much for the offer
Weekends with Chap have a tendency to be highly drunken affairs and difficult to predict.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:52, Reply)

We'll always have July, Al.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:57, Reply)

Next time, berk.
We have limited room this weekend as it's Sweary Jr's birthday today and he's having some mates stay. Otherwise you could totally have come.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Aww, I'm teasing!
it sounds like I'm being really passive aggressive now :( but yes, next time if I'm free that'd be lovely.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:46, Reply)

No, not at all.
But you would be most welcome next time :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Yay!

(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Oh you're reminding me of myself when I asked Mrs Morgan if she could open the gate to her yard as she had all the mothers and kids from the street playing there
and she kept pretending she couldn't hear me, and then my dad came out and shouted at me to come home (and then probably shouted something like "cunts" at them.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Mrs Morgan sounds like a right bitch
what a nasty thing to do to a kid.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:44, Reply)

I understand they thought my mum was up herself
and me being an only child, and annoying and chatty, well, easy target.
But they didn't bank on my dad. I'll have to ask him what he shouted.
He said it broke his heart and no matter if it was the kid of his worst enemy he wouldn't do that.
She was a skitting cunt. Used to make fun of one of the kids with a stammer.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:49, Reply)

When I was a kid, if I didn't like one of the neighbours
I'd take a dump in their shed. Trufax.
( Kroney, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:50, Reply)

I pissed on next door's bike
but it was an accident.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I'm giving myself too much credit.
It was only the once, I'd never met them and I was desperate.
( Kroney, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:52, Reply)

There was this other lad, his name was Mullen
but I called him Doolit.
I could hear myself saying Mullen, but everyone said I was calling him 'Doolit' and they thought there must have been a reason. I still don't understand because I was only a toddler, and I clearly recall it coming out as 'Mullen'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:54, Reply)

I once made a really off-colour Bob Monkhouse style mother in law joke to my stepdad
I didn't know the woman he was talking to was his ex-wife.
( Kroney, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:57, Reply)

"Take my ex-wife, please."

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:00, Reply)

It's funny cos it can be applied to my ex wife.
Take my wife - every fucker else has.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Haha
trolloplolz
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:03, Reply)

God rest her soul...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:04, Reply)

nervouslaughterlolz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Nah it's fine.
She died last year of a particularly aggressive brain cancer. Just goes to show that being a non-smoking, vegetarian, exercise junkie isn't all it's cracked up to be.

*Opens second can of beer and dips crisps in lard*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:10, Reply)

*Eats last Rocky Robin,
crosses heart and hopes not to shit*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:11, Reply)

D:

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Just because you don't like someone
doesn't mean you should bully their kid though. What a nasty cunt she must have been.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:53, Reply)

As Grandma said "God is slow but sure..."
What she really meant was "I hope they all die slowly with papercuts and vinegar."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:57, Reply)

*stands open mouthed while a single solitary tear rolls down his cheek*

*gets on with work again*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:45, Reply)

that's so sad

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:45, Reply)

It's alright
Mrs Morgan has Alzheimers now and a nasty case of c.diff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:46, Reply)

A terminal case of clunge cancer, maybe?

(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:47, Reply)

YES!
And do you know why Amberl? Because of chronic underinvestment in the health service by the Conservatives.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:49, Reply)

nah she contracted it in the Labour years
when hospital hygiene became a secondary consideration.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:52, Reply)

secondary consideration was contracted out to any old company at vast expense and was hugely inefficient.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:55, Reply)

My mate saw a bloke cleaning in a hospital waiting area.
He had some sign on his trolley saying something like "we're on a big hygiene drive to make things safer and cleaner for you, you'll see us around the hospital a lot from now on yadda yadda" and then he watched as the fella wiped carefully around the edge of a bin, a wall-mounted phone, a counter top, ALL WITH THE SAME DAMP RAG.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Actually, her sister, another skitting bitch, lost her mind completely.
They used make fun of this lad with a stammer, and then their neice grew up to have a terrible speech impediment. No matter what lessons life threw their way they never learnt to be nicer people.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Ms Morgan plays the organ
Her brother plays the drums.
Her sister had a blister in the middle of her bum.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Not last night, but the night before, three tomcats came knocking at the door
One with a trumpet,
one with a drum,
and one with toilet paper stuck to his bum.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Oh, the white cat pissed in the black cat's eye
and the black cat said 'Cor blimey!'
the white cat said 'it's your own bloody fault
you shouldn't have stood behind me.'

Just thought I'd join in, like.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:02, Reply)

I've never heard that one!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:05, Reply)

My grandad used to sing it to me when he came in from the pub drunk
I must have been about 4 the first time, I vividly remember my gran trying to shush him and really not managing it.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:07, Reply)

My Grandad used to either sing
Never fear, Grandpa's here, have a beer, with good cheer, my dear, d'yer 'ear?
Or Spotty Muldoon.
Depending on how old/spotty I was and how drunk he was.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:09, Reply)

I sometimes used to get Boney M or Beatles songs
if he's been at the jukebox.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Oh and he used to sing "Oh Rosie you are my posie"
because when we asked where he'd been he'd say with his girlfriend Rosie. Nana used to say "I wish you'd run off with her then!"
Every time.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Clichélols
Gotta love your grandparents, bless 'em.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:16, Reply)

*Sighs*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:06, Reply)

*Grins*
that must count as some kind of win, I don't think you've ever sighed at anything I've said before.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:08, Reply)

I just want you to know the PAIN it causes when you receive an Internet sighing.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:08, Reply)

*bent wrist to forehead*
oh woe, WOE, the PAIN, how can you stand it? I'm so sorry Jeff, I'll never subject you to that again.

may contain traces of sarcasm and lies.
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:12, Reply)

This may also contain traces of sarcasm and lies.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSHaCzb3yYk
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:14, Reply)

No youtoob at work I'm afraid.
I take it that was you telling me to fuck off via the medium of song?
(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:17, Reply)

It was Father Jack

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:18, Reply)

I've never seen Father Ted.

(berk, Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Father Jack saying 'sorry' to Bishop Brennan.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Mar 2011, 17:19, Reply)