Feeling lazy. Just went to the veggie chinese place up the road
After nomming it I popped to the pub for a quiet one. There was an instant flicker of recognition as the barman served me, and both of us then looked down, feeling awkward as we tried to remember how the fuck we knew each other. It nagged away at me for the next fifteen minutes with no joy. Then the pub stereo, which was completely divorced from the big screen showing 4music (why? Why show a music channel if you're going to keep it on mute and pump other tunes into the pub?) committed the cardinal sin of playing Oasis and I resolved never to set foot in the pub again. Problem solved.

Just so you know, any replies along the lines of "maybe you didn't recognise him with his trousers on" or suchlike will be met with an automatic 0/10.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:00, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is he not just the barman?
And thus you know his face by going to the bar?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:01, Reply)

That's just it, the bar recently changed ownership, so I've never seen him in there before
The old owners never would have allowed fucking Wonderwall on their premises
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Don't get stressed about the music policy changing,
You gotta roll with it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:05, Reply)

JeffTheDogFucker Was last asked to leave the Internet
now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:05, Reply)

It's all part of my Masterplan.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:07, Reply)

*groan*
Genuine officelol there, though I'm ashamed to admit it

/slides away
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:07, Reply)

There is no excuse for citing Oasis songs
Ever. Don't let the door of the internet hit you on the arse on the way out
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:10, Reply)

What is it with you and the hitting of arses?
2/10?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Spot on, sunshine
I'm afraid I must demand that your lot give Norwich a shoeing tonight by way of penance
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:12, Reply)

I hope they manage it too.
Not because I can't about Swansea or Florist, or any other side, but another couple of wins and I think they'll completely avoid getting dragged back into the relegation battle.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:17, Reply)

You've got no worries there mate
Preston are as good as down, I can see United mounting a comeback but it'll probably be too little too late, and it's hard to see Scunny pulling themselves clear either. Personally I'm keeping everything crossed for the filth to get dragged down
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Grant Holt usually scores when he played City, so I can see them losing this evening.
Preston are fucked, and Scunthorpe were probably the worst team I've seen this season, so they will probably take two of the spots, but I just hope City can finish strongly as it'll help with the summer recruitment process.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:25, Reply)

I thought you meant at your work then
I clearly need more coffee
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Wonderwall Star Wars related benders
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:05, Reply)

.....and you normally only see
a. His cock through the glory hole
b. His ears from pummeling him from behind
c. The top of his head bobbing away
d. All of the above
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:04, Reply)

0/10
I am hereby rescinding the 9/10 you got earlier today
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Can't!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:06, Reply)

They're my marks and my rules
Can
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:09, Reply)

*hides 9/10*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:09, Reply)

*activates 9/10 homing beacon I cunningly built into my keyring*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:13, Reply)

ing o keyring electric sex dungeon
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Fucking, fucking hell
*grudgingly hands back 9/10*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Double woop!
That actually made me lol whilst typing it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Yes, you've done very well indeed today
Now fuck the fuck off, you fucking fuck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:21, Reply)

*fucks off happy with 2 9/10s*
I must get a 10 though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:22, Reply)

I'm guarding the 10 closely
I don't want to end up like Len Goodman and totally devalue it, do I. And I'm sure you don't want your name to be associated with the likes of Mark Ramprakash. The memory of his Jive still boils my blood
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:24, Reply)

jive cock
boils makes
blood anus go tingly at the thought of an outrageously good bumming
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:31, Reply)

8/10, a well-deserved click
Bonus points for imagination attributed to the final point, and on a debut effort, too.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Darth, you know how a centipeed has 100 legs, does a millipeed really have a million? Who's task was it to count them; what if they found an abnormal one with 999,999 ? Like it fell off or something, or they lost count, wouldn't that really be annoying?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:25, Reply)

I can tell you with absolute certainty that there is no recorded instance of a centipede with exactly 100 legs
And on a recent visit to Longleat Ms Foxtrot bravely conquered her fear of all things creepy AND crawly to hold a giant African millipede. She said it felt like a mobile hairbrush. This has nowt to do with the number of legs it has, I just thought you might enjoy the story
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Someone on /talk said they have up to 750 legs, but 'milli' means a thousand in latin.
It makes me question the scientific acreacy of the naming conventions of animals; it's like they've gotten up to 350 and thought "Fuck it, nearly half way there, let's call it 750 and round it up".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:39, Reply)

I think they just went
"Hey, that thing's got lots of legs. What means 'lots'? Cent, that'll do."

And then they needed something that meant 'more lots than lots', and so millipede.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:41, Reply)

They must have discovered the centipeed first then 'cus otherwise they would find the milipeed and think "Fuck me, that's got a lot of legs...
... let's call it the [lots]apede" and then found what we call the centipede and wouldn't have a name for it as the [lots]apede is already taken.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:44, Reply)

The thing is, those things are fucking ICKY
I wouldn't want to hold one still and count its legs. Would you? WOULD YOU?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I guess if it was my job, like Berk, I'd have too.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Oh is that what she does?
Quick, let's gaz-bomb her until she finds out the answer to your question
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Scientist, isn't she?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:56, Reply)