This year's census.
Just had one of the pointlessly paid gits call round, reminding me that I have to send/email this off next week.
What's the sodding point? And who's annoyed you today?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:42, 80 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

We haven't recieved ours
We don't exist.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Also don't make me go off on one about why it's needed.
It is, and if you don't realise why it is after 5 minutes of thought you're a retard.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:44, Reply)

And more importantly,
if you don't do it, you get fined a grand. I am not so rich that I can afford to throw that away based on the minor inconvenience it causes me.
( Kroney, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Please go on about it.
The need for central government to know how many people spent the night of whenever it is at mine, and to know my religion...well, it must be very important.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

You fucking spastic cunt.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)

He's right though Al
I mean, can't they just use all the GIGAWATTS of CCTV footage and Social Profiling and the DNA Database to get all their answers?!!!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I heard they have 1.21 Gigawatts of CCTV footage

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

*quick calculations*
But...but that means they have cameras inside every room in my flat!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

But the benefit of having that much is that where they are going they don't need roads.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I like that this made me laugh even though it makes no practical sense whatsoever

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)

ITS FUNNY BECAUSE MY NAME IS MARTIN AND IM A PINE MARTEN FROM CANADA

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:00, Reply)

That is impressive
To mis-spell a word shortly after spelling it correctly takes real skill
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:01, Reply)

I actually thought that was how the species of animal was spelt

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:02, Reply)

And it is. You fucking twat.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Pine_Marten
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I had no idea
Thank you for educating me in this incredibly dull fact
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Since i'm getting into the habit of teaching you things
is there anything else you would like me to focus on tomorrow?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:10, Reply)

You really are. What a worrying development
It's probably for the best that you embrace this responsible lifestyle choice as you're going to be 30 in three days though.

Tomorrow I would like to cover the history of the Cricket World Cup (topical) and the Crimean War (less so)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:13, Reply)

The magnitude of the amount I care about the history of the cricket world cup
is the same magnitude of the amount of a fuck that BraynDedd gives.

Though I will look into the Crimean War for you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Appreciate it
All I know is the (rough) dates, the apparently-bollocks legend of Florence Nightingale and that fucking poem
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:22, Reply)

It is.

(berk, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Afternoon perky tits.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Is that the female equivalent of Morning Wood?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Wouldn't that be great.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Just as well really
Fuel prices are crazy and the roads around here are shit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Well petrol is going down a penny a litre.
Thank you budget person.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:04, Reply)

It won't though
Petrol Stations 'round here charge what the fuck they want, why else does it range from 130.9 to 138.9 within 10 miles?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:05, Reply)

My local put up booze 20p a pint,
when the vat went from 17.5 to 20%
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:11, Reply)

That's bold
Unless you were paying around 8 pound a pint before.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:13, Reply)

£2.70, to £2.90.
"It's the brewerie's fault", yeah, right.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:16, Reply)

I think I know what your answer to the alt question is.

( Kroney, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

gets popcorn

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Blimey.
Sorry to have rattled you.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Not existing is an ambition of mine.
Unfortunately, banks and Inland Revenue make it their business to know.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

There's always suicide
All the cool kids are doing it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

Well apparently it's painless.
And brings on many changes.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:54, Reply)

For some people it's incredibly painful
And very little changes after.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

They should aim better.
Apparently, a large percentage of firearm related would be suicides miss. How fucking hard can it be?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:00, Reply)

If you think about it,
unless they're looking a mirror at the time, which would be an incredibly niche fetish, they probably can't tell how close to their head the gun is
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Use a webcam.
And become an online star.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:17, Reply)

In the words of Han Solo,
What's the good of a reward if you're not around to use it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:19, Reply)

You'd soon tire of not existing
after a few days of no electricity, no water, no rubbish collection, no bank accounts, no money, no job, no welfare, no pension, not even a rail card.

You couldn't buy a car, you couldn't drive it even if you could because you'd have no insurance, no MOT, no means of buying petrol and no driver's licence.

Ditto for everything else you take for granted forever. I hope one of your hobbies is medieval level subsistence farming. Except you wouldn't be able to buy the land to do that on, either.
( Kroney, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

well done making a considered alt Q that hasn't been asked in aaaaaaaaaaaaages

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

At least the lunch threads are slightly ironic.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)

I championed the alt Q upon its inception, so I dislike seeing it abused in this fashion

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

You invented them, didn't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

You missed out on the success of 100 replies = auto bbc news link thread
that was a good day.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

damn, I feel so unfulfilled

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:54, Reply)

It's ok the search function is back
you can read it at the weekend.

You'll laugh until you cry
*****
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

It was actually, I liked the way it made things a bit snappier

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:54, Reply)

I think Al wants a news link Chompy

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I liked the sense of dread people got around the 90 replies mark.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I've posted a new thread twice today only to discover I've threadstomped each time in doing so, leading me to delete both
So, to answer your second question, I have, due to my frankly ludicrously poor sense of timing.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Repost it
threadstomp this tedious cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

you do ask exceedingly dull questions though, let's be honest

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Not always
On this occasion, maybe. Hence the deletion. They weren't up to going mano-a-mano with the existing threads.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

mostly they are. enough to stop a lot of regulars from posting here because its become so dull

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Right, so the absence of "a lot of regulars" from OT is my fault and mine alone
A mite harsh, I feel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

not just yours, although its mighty fine of you to accept some of the blame

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Harsh but true, you hideous chutney.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I'm not scoring you unless you complete the insult

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I've never heard "chutney" applied as a term of abuse.
Is it a London thing, or can we all join in?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)

He meant to call me a chutney ferret
Unfortunately his crippling arthritis kicked in at the wrong moment
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Tuck in to the chutney by all means.
I bought it at the WI market.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Not really
I didn't want to say anything as it might make running 13 miles with you a bit awkward, but you are a bit of a dull cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Right, that's it, you fat shite
You're being United 93. Your job will be to crash into the barricades after about 7 miles
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I'm not sure that's going to present much of a problem

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)

I'm just sorry I won't get to see you explaning the theme to puzzled onlookers

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I have annoyed myself mostly by hungover brain.
I guess the new wine I tried last night did some damage to my motor skills as I am having trouble with the most regular things, such as tieing my shoe. And spelling tying correctly.
*kills self*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Don't do that, I'd be very sad if you did.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:12, Reply)

if I die I'm willing my dog to you

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Woo!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:17, Reply)

I'll make sure she has a good life.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:17, Reply)

if she barks excessively it's because she's got to go potty
or maybe she's just mad at you
she loves ice cubes and carrots and nyla bones and my dad
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Hmmmm, you'd better send your dad over with her then.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:23, Reply)

he'd eat you out of house and home

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:28, Reply)

See my earlier post about aiming better.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:14, Reply)

sorry, my give a damn's busted

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Exactly.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I don't know why I said that. My brain is melting.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:19, Reply)

whats annoyed me?
this fucking 2 hour teleconference

snore
( zulu eh?, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:24, Reply)