Morning lovelies!
Remembered the clocks but time is of no essence when you can't do lie-ins anyway.

What is on everyone's agenda today?
( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:15, 69 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

i could have done without it today
drinking huge amounts of vodka on an empty stomach, even an enormous walrus-like one, needs more sleep, not less.

also i got locked in the club toilet and broke all my nails trying to free myself! how ignominious.........
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I love the word ignominious.
And I love your stories of upwardly mobile shennanigans.
( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:21, Reply)

it was awful!
i got really claustrophobic and i was banging away and nobody heard me :(

eventually i had to bash the doorhandle off and then turn the stick. i was practically sobbing "beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice" by the end of it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Didn't any other ladies come into the toilets?

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

yeah, i was banging and shouting
but the music was v loud and they were v stupid...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I managed to wake up for the Grand Prix this morning without the aid of an alarm
I'm not really sure whether or not that's a good thing.

It does however mean I'm set for the day, and I'm off to meet Kaol later on for an exploration of bits of Wales.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:25, Reply)

how have you made that sound gay?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Because you're still drunk?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:29, Reply)

you are absolutely right. the room is spinning and i want to get off.
but also you said "exploring bits". homoerotic POD. it's nothing to be ashamed of.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Actually it says 'exploration of bits'
And is followed immediately by 'of Wales'. Poor, drunk Swipe.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:36, Reply)

poor kaol, more like

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:39, Reply)

From what I remember from the old days
It's more likely to be poor me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:46, Reply)

you just want a bit of swipe sympathy
*pats head*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Tell him I said hello.

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Shall do

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:30, Reply)

MOAR WORK.
Band practice first though. That should help me let off a bit of steam.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Well I've watched the Grand Prix
And house work beckons.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I have to go in to work for an hour or two
then I might go and tidy up the garden a bit, as I've got loads of seedlings trying to take over my windowsill.

Grinning like a loon all the while, of course.
(berk, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:13, Reply)

ba baba baaaa ,da dada daaaa, ba baba baaaaaaaa, daddda daaa, da DA da DA !
/The Stripper song.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:17, Reply)

*sniggers*
Thanks for that Gonz.
(berk, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Well I was going to clean the house but the drain's blocked and I don't want to make it any worse by chucking cleaning water down it.
The sofa beckons.
( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:16, Reply)

* two tsk* wimmin eh
The problem will generally be accumulated detritus in the ubend, the sofa won't have anything to do with it.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Well now I'm confused.

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Involve a man with this problem

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

she wants to fix her plumbing
not have a futile little rod thrust into it once or twice and then dump her for the tasty toilet next door.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Shall I use his penis to unblock the drain?

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I think you'll find dyno-rod use a different type of probe.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:23, Reply)

rory this is horribly sexist
i am ashamed of you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Now with added SADISM

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

masochist: whip me!!!
sadist: no.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:09, Reply)

I got better though

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Shouldn't it be, Jordan drove me to suicide but I couldn't even do that properly?

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I like the fact that there's the option to "watch the video"
Sounds cheerful...
(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:05, Reply)

not since he doesn't die in the end
that's just depressing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Well, quite
He could at least have the decency to take out himself, Jordan and also Simon Cowell for good measure in a suicide bombing.

I don't particularly want to watch footage of some retard trying to cut his wrist open with a spoon "because all the knives were in the dishwasher at the time."
(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

"i'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Or steal her mong kid, train it up,
And be a chav version of Lone Wolf and Cub.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

a very special version

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I think it's hard enough to train that kid to stop chewing its own shoulders and shitting itself
Let alone to be an accomplice to a disgraced assassin.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)

i am in a lecture
and laughing far far too hard at that, considering we are talking about slush piles.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

"...and I will wreak BLOODY VENGEANCE on the Yangyu Clan!"
"MMMMNNNNGGGGHHH!"
"Oh sweet Jesus, not again..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

argh STOP IT!!!!!!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

we have this dude lecturing us about publishing at the moment
i have never seen such big hands in my life. i cannot take my eyes off them. they are like dustbin lids. seriously.

huge hands. huge hands. huge hands.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Big gloves.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Does that suggest his cock's like a waste paper basket?

(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:23, Reply)

A friend of my sister's claims skinny/wirey men have larger cocks.

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Are you sure that's not just a perspective thing?
Put a fairly generous cock on Martin Johnson, it might not look out of place. Stick the same one on Jarvis Cocker and it'll look like he's carrying R2-D2 in his underpants.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)

that is what is so shocking about this guy; he's normally sized everywhere else
(that i can see).

huge hands. huge hands. HUGE FUCKING HANDS!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)

haha that's a bit disproportionate

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

i am hypnotised by them
it's like he's waving a pair of dustbin lids around.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Categorically not true.
Next.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:44, Reply)

That's good to know.
I prefer the big lads.
( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I like tall and skinny.
Though there's nothing quite as depressing as your boyfriend weighing less than you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

"good in bed" by jennifer weiner
starts like this. she opens a magazine and her journo bf has written an article about how he felt when he found out his gf weighed more than he did!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Oh man I'd kill my man if he did anything like that to me.
To be honest, I was 15 when my boyf weighed more than I did, and he was genuinely manorexic looking.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

it's a sad comedy book
i like jennifer weiner, i think she's v bright.

stupid name though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

To be perfectly honest
I did see that, and think "lolweiner"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

YEAH
you're going to be publishing books. why not change your cocksucking name that sounds like a cock sausage?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Subliminal advertising
Women like cocks- you put a cock on it, they'll buy it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:00, Reply)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
excellent point. women DO like cock.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I'd be really angry with a bf if he did that

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:03, Reply)

yeah
that's the start of the book. quite interesting, i thought - there's not that many heroines in that position. they're usually gorgeous but haven't realised it yet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:05, Reply)

definitely a different twist!

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:08, Reply)

i don't care
so long as they have a penis and a pulse.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Hellooooo!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

hahaha

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Top Tip
Should you get nicked in Bristol, then find a solicitor with a better line of defence than Will Palmer.

www.thisisbristol.co.uk/news/Drunk-teenager-fishnets-fined-stab-threats/article-3376099-detail/article.html
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Daft amount of work to do.
They're not due in for another two weeks, but the quicker I get everything done and handed in, the quicker I can go home for Easter. I'm also trying to work out ways I can wind up my flatmate because he's a cunt, he actually accused me of using a spoonful of his pesto earlier ffs (I didn't).
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:10, Reply)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 15:47, Reply)