I was in an awesome mood.
But I just had a very odd phone call, and I'm not so sure now. I think one of my friends has knocked another friend up. This is... not good. Not good at all.

Alt: No!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:40, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Why is that bad?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)

One of her friends is a goat.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)

As long as the other one is, then no problem

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

She lives 300 miles away and is at uni, for a start.
Also, male friend would be incapable of looking after/supporting said child. They're not together, they have just been shagging on and off for about two years, whenever she comes back to visit. He said he had to speak to me last night, so I just phoned him. He sounded like shit and said "I have to talk to you in person. It's about Chelsea and... I'm not happy."

I might just be jumping to wild conclusions here, by the way.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I think it is as they are unlikely to win the Premier League
not babies
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Hahaha

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Is your friend Ashley Cole?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Ashley 'Roll' more like.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)

If her pregnancy wasn't mentioned
Then that's quite a leap to take.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

He wouldn't tell me anything on the phone.
Just that it was about her. Also, he asked me last night if I'd spoken to her recently, but wouldn't tell me why. And then he got all shitty when he thought I was texting her.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Kids eh?
*tssk*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)

*offers choice of coat hangar or staircase*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)

I will drink lots of gin
It may help
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Mind the piss
*hands mop*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I wasn't going to drink that much

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

*reads post*
*checks name of poster*
*re-reads post*

BOLLOCKS
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

My secret shame

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Don't forget the gin!
Morning everyone!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Morning Dr Himjim!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Hi everybody!
Now, there are many options for dangerously underweight individuals, like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology. You need to focus on the lesser food groups, such as the Whipped group, the congealed group and the Chocotastic!

Classic Simpsons gold, right there.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Haha!
Did you copy/paste that, or type it from memory?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Memory :(
To be fair I have just watched Season 2 - 10 in the last few weeks.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)

That is an awful lot of Simpsons!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I much prefer Spongebob.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Everything before Season 10 of the Simpsons
is magical, wonderful adult satire. I maintain that it's one of the best shows to ever come out of America.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

It is excellent in parts
but South Park makes me laugh more overall, and Spongebob is really doing it for me these days. I am so please my daughter loves that show.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)

south park is one of the best tv shows ever made, not just out of America

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:14, Reply)

morning
how are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I am pretty good thanks!
Full of beans today, got one week left on the diet, then I can finally booze away to my hearts content. Picked up a bottle of Jim Beam Black at Sainsburys y'day to prepare for Sunday.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

good lad

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Might even indulge in a bit of the MDs
to really help the weightloss.

By the way, if any London types want to help me permanently elevate my blood alcohol level to at least .03 let me know!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I am up for an MD adventure when you are, old boy.
Or even sooner.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)

That is an odd diet
Heinz or HP?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Black!
Full of fibre and low GI.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Surely the content of the phone call should have established whether or not knocking up has occured?
How odd was this call? If it was odd due to having been conducted in reverse, or Urdu, then I'll forgive your confusion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:43, Reply)

See above.
Like I say, I could be jumping to conclusions. But I've never heard Daffs sound this down, and his insistence on speaking to me face to face is making me very confused.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

+s
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)

When did he last see her?
Maybe he's decided he wants more than just sex and she's replied with "I have a boyfriend now, go away"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Nah, they've had that conversation a while back, before she went to uni.
She had a boyfriend as well as shagging Daffs, until about a year ago (now that I think about it, they've been at it for about 3 years, not two). For a while, about two years ago, she was on a break from her boyfriend and it looked like they might get together, but then they didn't.

It is like bastarding Hollyoaks around here sometimes, I swear.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)

So she's a fucking slag and he's an imbecile
What a great mummy and daddy they'll be
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Nice friends to have.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)

The ongoing adventures of 'Chelsea' and 'Daffs' in their grim Northern hovel, I just can't wait for the forthcoming updates

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

We'll be 'rolling' in the aisles at their antics, no doubt.
*stony-faced face*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)

By heck I've dropped baby again daffs she looks a right mong now, what shud i do?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Only more convincing and slightly less attractive, presumably
Present company excepted, of course. I suppose pregnancy is a possibility but would she have told you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)

No, she wouldn't have.
Dear oh dear. I think he's coming to my house at some point soon, so I will know then. It's probably something really boring now.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Keep us all informed.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I for one am on the edge of my seat.

*gets up from seat and walks off*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)

You're going to feel really daft if it is about football

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Nah, it won't be.
Anyway, I am off to the pub. Ta-rah. x
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Listen, all it'll take is £10.21 and a committed amateur and the problem will go away

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)