Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Sothe weather is pish, I got on the scales for the first time in weeks to find I'm a whole stone over my comfort weight, my computer is in death throes, and Vipros thinks I'm boring.
What's pissed on your chips today?
Alt: am I really boring?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:07,
153 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Sorry I tried to read this but it was way too boring so I gave up.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:12,
Reply)
In my defenceI'm easily bored.
and I was mainly using it as an opportunity to insult Darth, you are just an innocent bystander.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:12,
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alt: YesBut not as boring as Roota
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:17,
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Alt, sensible answer:I enjoy reading your posts and find you rather funny, and not in the least bit boring.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:17,
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The board is dead today though, eh?Hardly any posts
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:18,
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That's because everyone's ignoring you.We're all over on the '/OT ELITE BOARD' that I'm not supposed to mention to non-members.
Oops!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:21,
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Where was my invite, old man?(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:22,
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Oh God I've really fucked up here.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:23,
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it's okI'll brazen it out
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:23,
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Yes, you have.I DISOWN YOU.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:25,
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I think I may have insulted a girl online just now by mocking her email sig.(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
what did you comment?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:27,
Reply)
Something smug and sarcastic as usual:"Thanks it just came through, "fondest regards"? well that's... quite the sign off"
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
hoho you card(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:30,
Reply)
'Fuck off you stupid fucking bitch. Why don't you fucking dieand do the world a favour?
Love, Chompy
PS glad you liked the mother's day card'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:30,
Reply)
Hey I'm trying to cut down on the amount of violent threats in my emails.(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
You were right to do so.'Kind regards' is irritating enough as it is.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:27,
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*waves*Had a busy spell just then so missed your hello. I'm off for lunchtime shopping soon. I'm going to dye my hair and I'm thinking of which shade of brown to buy.
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girlinthehole, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:18,
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Only in the respect that you're married and don't play the field and so are irrelevant to my interests.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:20,
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Fat chicks let you use every orifice though(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:23,
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Can b3th confirm this please(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:24,
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:24,
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Your micropenis is well suited for a bit of aural sex(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:25,
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Anything and everything goes, once you chip away the last of their flabby self esteem(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:25,
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Monty FM coming in your ears on 95.5seconds
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:26,
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I don't mind fat chicks, they don't get upset by Rich Tea cumbs or Yop stains.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:32,
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No one believes that the stains on your computer chair are from Yop.(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:32,
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Actually, in Gonz' case I do believe it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:40,
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+ and even if you were to play the field, you've given the impression that any extra-marital adventures would involve you wearing a false beard and pegging homosexuals,which pretty much rules me out.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Hold up here, you don't talk for me on this one, I'll take up some rollplay action.You recon she would dress up as Anne Witicome?
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:28,
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I've burnt my chest.It's fairly spectacular. Silly low-cut tops, silly sun.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:24,
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I can assure youthere is nothing silly about low cut tops.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:24,
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SecondedMotion carries.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:25,
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I keep pressing I like this on everything I try to reply to.But blotchy red breasts are not a good look :(
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:27,
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what are you? a /talker?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:32,
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Oh ffs I did it again.My nails are long and I'm on my phone. Touchscreens are a pain.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:37,
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Hahaha! They basked for a little long, and are slightly braised.(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:28,
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We're all boring on here.Just some of us think we're interesting.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:26,
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Some of us have interesting hairthat draws comments from celebrities.
Morning, you. Did he get home eventually?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:29,
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Hello sis! I'm now marrying Colin Murray and your brother has gone into second place.Yup, he got home ok.
And don't worry about the weight. It will fall off us in the summer!
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:51,
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I know I'm not interestingI just don't care
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:30,
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I can barely entertain myself let alone others(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:31,
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that is so much the case it hurts sometimes(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:32,
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If I'm bored I'll wander round the house and maybe look out of the window sometimes(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:33,
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I'm sure that the world would benefit from reading about it in great detailI suggest you update it at least once a day, if not more.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:36,
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This is what twitter was made for(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:40,
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I fucking hate twitterand everything it stands for
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:41,
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If I get time this weekI will make a badge for us
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:41,
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I was in an awesome mood.But I just had a very odd phone call, and I'm not so sure now. I think one of my friends has knocked another friend up. This is... not good. Not good at all.
Alt: No!
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)
As long as the other one is, then no problem(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44,
Reply)
She lives 300 miles away and is at uni, for a start.Also, male friend would be incapable of looking after/supporting said child. They're not together, they have just been shagging on and off for about two years, whenever she comes back to visit. He said he had to speak to me last night, so I just phoned him. He sounded like shit and said "I have to talk to you in person. It's about Chelsea and... I'm not happy."
I might just be jumping to wild conclusions here, by the way.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)
I think it is as they are unlikely to win the Premier Leaguenot babies
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47,
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If her pregnancy wasn't mentionedThen that's quite a leap to take.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47,
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He wouldn't tell me anything on the phone.Just that it was about her. Also, he asked me last night if I'd spoken to her recently, but wouldn't tell me why. And then he got all shitty when he thought I was texting her.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
*offers choice of coat hangar or staircase*(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:41,
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I will drink lots of ginIt may help
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:42,
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I wasn't going to drink that much(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44,
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Morning Dr Himjim!(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44,
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Hi everybody!Now, there are many options for dangerously underweight individuals, like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology. You need to focus on the lesser food groups, such as the Whipped group, the congealed group and the Chocotastic!
Classic Simpsons gold, right there.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)
Haha!Did you copy/paste that, or type it from memory?
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:46,
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Memory :(To be fair I have just watched Season 2 - 10 in the last few weeks.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)
That is an awful lot of Simpsons!(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:01,
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Everything before Season 10 of the Simpsonsis magical, wonderful adult satire. I maintain that it's one of the best shows to ever come out of America.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)
It is excellent in partsbut South Park makes me laugh more overall, and Spongebob is really doing it for me these days. I am so please my daughter loves that show.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:12,
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south park is one of the best tv shows ever made, not just out of America(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:14,
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morninghow are you?
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44,
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I am pretty good thanks!Full of beans today, got one week left on the diet, then I can finally booze away to my hearts content. Picked up a bottle of Jim Beam Black at Sainsburys y'day to prepare for Sunday.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Might even indulge in a bit of the MDsto really help the weightloss.
By the way, if any London types want to help me permanently elevate my blood alcohol level to at least .03 let me know!
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
I am up for an MD adventure when you are, old boy.Or even sooner.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:58,
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That is an odd dietHeinz or HP?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:48,
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Surely the content of the phone call should have established whether or not knocking up has occured?How odd was this call? If it was odd due to having been conducted in reverse, or Urdu, then I'll forgive your confusion
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:43, Reply)
See above.Like I say, I could be jumping to conclusions. But I've never heard Daffs sound this down, and his insistence on speaking to me face to face is making me very confused.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
When did he last see her?Maybe he's decided he wants more than just sex and she's replied with "I have a boyfriend now, go away"
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)
Nah, they've had that conversation a while back, before she went to uni.She had a boyfriend as well as shagging Daffs, until about a year ago (now that I think about it, they've been at it for about 3 years, not two). For a while, about two years ago, she was on a break from her boyfriend and it looked like they might get together, but then they didn't.
It is like bastarding Hollyoaks around here sometimes, I swear.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
So she's a fucking slag and he's an imbecileWhat a great mummy and daddy they'll be
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:00,
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The ongoing adventures of 'Chelsea' and 'Daffs' in their grim Northern hovel, I just can't wait for the forthcoming updates(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:05,
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We'll be 'rolling' in the aisles at their antics, no doubt. *stony-faced face*
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:06,
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By heck I've dropped baby again daffs she looks a right mong now, what shud i do?(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:10,
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Only more convincing and slightly less attractive, presumablyPresent company excepted, of course. I suppose pregnancy is a possibility but would she have told you?
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
No, she wouldn't have.Dear oh dear. I think he's coming to my house at some point soon, so I will know then. It's probably something really boring now.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
I for one am on the edge of my seat.*gets up from seat and walks off*
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:09,
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Listen, all it'll take is £10.21 and a committed amateur and the problem will go away(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47,
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Alt: not even slightlyI wouldn't make a LOIN (thank you tLiC) of someone I found dull
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
check your email blood innit.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:47,
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Nothing, big gay assignment handed in, Welsh exam done and passed, you're thing done, massive spliff on and watching the MOTD2 on skyplus.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:48,
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MOTD2 didn't record for me for no reason at allNot happy about this
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:49,
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That is unacceptable you should send a strongly worded email to someone about it...(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:51,
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he is a right spastic.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:11,
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I'll ask my new bezzy Colin Murray to sort it out.(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:56,
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Morning mate, congrats on the academic shizzleStill not talking about football
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)
I can now officially teach Welsh as a second language to Foundation Phase children.BOOOOOOOOOM! another tick in the Win column. Why no football? Arsenal are being taken over and I can't talk about it!! booooooo
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:53,
Reply)
Oh you can talk about ArsenalOr the Premiership in general. Or League Two. Or League One. Or La Liga. Or Serie A. Or the Europa League. Or the Champions League. Or...
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)
There will be no talking about the Europa League. That competition doesn't exist any more.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
Right then, this takeover... good or bad?I hope good, I think it might be alright he seems to have done ok with all his yank teams.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:59,
Reply)
c) just arse-clenchingly dull(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:00,
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read something else then or do some fucking work grandad!!Afternoon Monty.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:05,
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Hello youngster, how's the new kit?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:07,
Reply)
great thanks, need to replace the skins as they are cheap and nastyDid you meet with the ex?
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:10,
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Nein.Hopefully this week though. My house is spotless and ready for inspection at any time...
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:15,
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He's only buying you because he was mates with Jeremy Beadle and needs somewhere to put a statue. (, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
It'll make absolutely fuck all difference mateHe'll hand Wenger an enromous amount of money and tell him to buy a midfield hardman, a world-class goalkeeper, a top-notch centre back and some carbon fibre shin pads for RVP. Wenger will deliberate for most of the summer and hand the war chest back untouched.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
He just strikes me as the most stubborn bloke in the world. It doesn't take being a tactical genius to see they need a keeper, he fucked about when they tried to take Schwarzer off us, offered £2m and refused to pay the £4m we wanted. If they had him they'd win the league this season.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
this, always this. I want Guardiola(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:11,
Reply)
Good luck with that mateI can think of loads of reasons why someone would give up being manager of Barcelona
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
none of them stay long and he wants to come to England. Who better to take over from Wenger? Apart from Denis obviously...
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:15,
Reply)
He would be perfect, you're rightBut I fancy he might decide that being manager of the best team in the world suits him OK for a few seasons yet
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)
you obviously don't follow the international football news then.He can see himself going shortly
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:24,
Reply)
Nothing's pissed on my chips lately.Won 90 quid on the National on Saturday, got stoned with my brother most of the weekend (great family bonding for two people who used to fight like cat and dog), finally found the Persol sunglassees I want for much cheapness and I'm taking a girl out later.
Plus the weather's nice here.
(, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)
I like it when girls say "What's pissed on your chips" so I can reply "Does it matter? You'd eat them anyway".Well, I wouldn't say it out loud, I'd think it and laugh to myself and then when someone asks me what I'm laughing at I tell them about a dog I saw once that was chasing it's tail. I'd rather be considered autistic than a cunt.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 12:31,
Reply)
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