I recently found this QOTW about farts...
Which in essence is right up my back alley. The first story is a joy to behold as are most on the first page.

www.b3ta.com/questions/farting/
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:21, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

christ
Hood-Butter writes like a wanker as well. He's liking an aging version of SpankyHanky
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:26, Reply)

He is without doubt the biggest wanker on B3ta.
He knocks your Berts, your Leglesses, your Hankys and your Frisbees into a cocked hat. There is a dark and unpleasant corner of my corrupted soul devoted to my intense dislike of that odious Grail-supper.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I'm thoroughly heartened that my name doesn't warrant a mention
Right, fill me in on some B3ta folklore. I missed the Grail thing. And who or what is Legless?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)

you really don't know any of legless' stuff?

cheers
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

That does ring a bell from some QOTW archives
So what's everyone's problem with him? Akin to the Hanky issue?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

it's fairly out of proportion really
his posts aren't anywhere near as bad as SH
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)

That's certainly true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I think it's more that
other people think he;s some kind of literary genius and will defend him to the death if you call bullshit
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Thank you all for the info
So basically he tells a bullshit story very well and has a slathering fanbase, which is understandably irksome to those not counted amongst its number?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)

fanclub is nowhere near as rabid as Spanky's

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)

And that's what people find so annoying about SH?
The undeserved adulation?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

It is a major part of it for me.
That and the fact that he's a total cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

An IRL cunt?
Not that I can judge you if you've never met him, I've never met Chompy but am absolutely convinced that he's a cunt
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Surprisingly, he isn't.
He is a rapist, though. That bit's true. Livens up bashes no end.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I look forward to meeting him and judging for myself
I know Bobby feels the same
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)

That is pretty much it.
Even with Hanky it's the awful obsequious cock-sucking responses that are infinitely worse than his actual posts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Part of me admires the persistence of someone who can be arsed to conjure a QOTW post every week
I really cannot be bothered unless something highly pertinent springs to mind as soon as I read the question.

Part of me thinks "Christ these people have a lot of time on their hands". And then I remember that I was second on TGB's most recent fail chart.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

To be fair
When I first signed up it seemed like every week there was a question I could answer (99% truthfully I might add). But for the last 18 months or so it's really gone off the boil and I can't be arsed to make something up
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I haven't answered one properly in quite a while I think
my life just isn't funny or interesting. and I'm not enough of a cunt to try and make out that it is.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)

^This
I've told most of the genuinely funny stories that I can think of and cannot be arsed to rack my brains for a vaguely fitting one every week. Obviously some are complete bullshit but I try to only do that if I think they're suitably funny.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Legless has been around for years
he's fairly harmless. Never denied that his stories have had some embellishment. Fairly recently he's been the focus of some hefty dislike, but doesn't help himself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I don't really think he gives a flying fuck to be honest.
And just deliberately winds up the /talk baiters as a bit of fun.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)

seems that way
you can't win with that sort of behaviour because you just get all the "aaaaah, he's taking the internet seriously!" stuff going on.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Legless is the biggest liar in QOTW history.



Cheers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Legless is a top bloke irl and I shall defend him to the hilt.
He'd give you the shirt off his back.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I bow to your superior knowledge.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I should bloody think so too.
Morning Monters.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)

How do, Davvo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I see the Gods are currently smiling down on Wills and Kate, weather wise.
Well, they are oop north at any rate. For all i know it may be pissing down in Londinium at the moment.

Not that I care, it's just good as it means I'll be able to get the dog out for a nice long walk.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)

It's nice in the East too
Just had one of my contacts on the blower saying he's planning a trip to a theme park tomorrow, in the hope that it'll be empty cos everyone else is at home watching the wedding. Cos no-one else will have thought of that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)

it's even sunny in wales
and yet I still haven't managed to leave the house
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Very wise. Chock full o' Welshies, I've heard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)

they're bloody everywhere

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)

that was my understanding

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)

the grail thing has cropped up a bit too much of late
and feels a little like I'm harping on about it, but you did ask...

a while back Hood-butter posted a long thing on /OT going on about how amazing he is, and his life, and his model girlfriend.

I observed that he looked like Charlie Boorman shortly after drinking from the wrong Grail.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Hahaha
I like this. Thank you for clearing that up. I've read the "Old? Fuck off..." post which Monty nominated as the worst in the history of B3ta. It was pretty awful.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)

It is the worst post. I challenge anyone to show me a worse one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:43, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1184853
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Now I seem to be trapped in some kind of really tedious moebius strip.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)

you beat me to it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

My brain hurts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)

i have missed this whole hood-butter thing
i thought he was a nice guy who posted on /talk.

how has he suddenly become this parody of a sham of a facsimile of a man??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)

He is a monumental cunt.
Can someone please find young Rachel here a link?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Not until she sends me those pics
Tit for tat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Tres bien.

Oh sorry, I thought you were my mother for a moment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Your mother is French?
Or French-Canadien, mayhap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)

No, she's a 'les bian'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Her name is Lesley Good?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Fucking hell, he really does
"I have dined out on this story for years" - really? Surely someone with such a rock'n'roll lifestyle has better stories to tell than "I farted in a woman's face, she rightly called me a pig"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Did you know he's really good at swimming and can have sex whenever he wants?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Everyone has their fetish, I suppose
Presumably the former skill aids the latter boast enormously. Maybe he discovered this proclivity after crossing some nasty mafia types who ordered him to "Sleep with the fishes"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

You wouldn't want to practice your 'breast stroke' on his missus.
She looks like McWitch from Rentaghost following a heavy night on the turps.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Now, now, Monty
Don't be jealous, just because your girlfriend is a good deal younger than you and therefore ineligible to be a mature supermodel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 11:42, Reply)