Well
it appears I shall be enjoying some royalty tomorrow after all.....

www.leightonbuzzardonline.co.uk/news/local/wheatsheaf_visitor_is_related_to_kate_1_2634449

I am very much looking forward to the band and a burger.....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:15, 42 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh thank fuck for that.
I just made a huuuuuuuuuuuge bowl of marinade for 2.5kg of chicken wings. I'm rather proud of myself.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:17, Reply)

PHEW!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I KNOW.
How are you chap? Is your shit cool?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)

My shit is STEAMING.
Looking forward to another bumper weekend but am being fucked about by my ever-charming and accommodating ex right now so a little teeth-gritty and fist-clenchy.

Are you having a wing party or are you simply the new Al in waiting?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)

I caught the gist of various run-ins with the hatter last week, I know someone who can sort her out for a month's supply of Tenants Super.
I'll cook a bunch later and freeze the rest in the marinade. A whole bunch were massively cut-price in Waitrose so I bought six packs like the thrifty, tight cunt I am.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Freezing them in the marinade sounds like a great idea.
Wouldn't have thought of that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Some TV chef mentioned it years ago and I've done it quite a few times.
This is soy, honey, balsamic vinegar, garlic, ginger, chilli, five-spice and sesame oil. I could easily eat them raw.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)

DO IT
and post the different stages of your illness on Twitter.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)

I'm not down with the yoof, I don't have a Twitter account.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:41, Reply)

You didn't fall into my trap. Damn.
Now I cannot justifiably kill you and turn the tripod into a bipod.


Gutted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:45, Reply)

That is the most tenuous, desperate piece of Royal Wedding journalistic shoe-hornery I've seen to date.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)

I didn't even read it.
I'm not actively boycotting the wedding but as I've hardly watched more than a minute or two of TV in the past two months I've managed to avoid all the hype. I decided to watch BBC News for an hour when I got in from work and ended up getting a bit caught-up in the whole thing, then turning it off when Alistair Campbell's wannabe pop-star daughter was invited to sing a few bars of her new royal wedding-themed song *dry-retches*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)

I'll be watching Top Gear re-runs on Dave.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Hahah I thought it said "Top Gun" over there and couldn't quite work out why you'd put yourself through that again.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Oh Christ no.
I take it you saw the thread on FB the other day then? God almighty, what a festering pile of thinly disguised homo-erotic wank that was.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I've not watched it for years, Tom Cruise has become a caricature of himself in everything I've seen him in for the past ten years
with the possible exception of the MI movies.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Is that a euphemism for 'taking my pointless, miserable little life'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Looks like he's already done it, folks.
RIP Davvo, you were a cunt and everyone hated you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)

We'll still go to the send-off though, his missus does a good line in ciders.
Edit: Just you and me Monty. I feel a little awkward.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)

I'm not staring at your tits. Honest.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Fuck off Monty
I've been smoking a tab in the glorious sunshine, innit?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Damn, that sounds like a good idea.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:41, Reply)

I also have red wine.
WIN!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Maybe I will fuck off.

Maybe I'll do just that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Have a lovely weekend, snookums.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Christ on a fucking train
Its one of the hottest days of the year in Glasgow, I am on the train and across from me is a semi toothless cave troll who is currently slurping and slobbering her way through several pieces of cooked chicken. She keeps making those wet blowjob noises every few seconds and frankly, I am about to deliver her a brutal head stomp.

Mouth noises are only ever acceptable during oral sex and should be outlawed everywhere else.

Eating on public transport should be banned as well as fucking retards. They should get their very own padded, sound and drool proof carriage.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:55, Reply)

I'm fairly sure fucking retards is already banned
At least, I think that's what they were complaining about.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:57, Reply)

I tend to find that, even during oral sex, if my partner is slurping I can't get the image of a larger lady eating chicken out of my mind.
Sometimes even if there's no slurping.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Are you always this mean about your mum ?
She only asked you for abit of help with the shopping, what with her advancing years, and this is what you post about her on the internet :(
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)

even if you do make a good point
actual cancer would be more joyful than you this evening (or in fact any time), you miserable git.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:01, Reply)

LOLZ
Nice try, however I am immune to internet based insults fired at me by navel gazing strumpets.

Feel free to try again though!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:09, Reply)

i would never gaze at my own navel
far too depressing a sight, what with the 27 stone of burrito that i had for lunch surrounding it :(

ach well. off for many cocktails in a minute...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:12, Reply)

enjoy
cocktails are the best
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:18, Reply)

cocktails and nibbles somewhere in spitalfields i think
it should be nice and busy round there, lots of people soaking up the bank holiday!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:21, Reply)

Cider and dry roasted peanuts somewhere near Glasgow for me
Westons 8.2% Special Reserve though, I'm not a total jakey bastard.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:27, Reply)

yeeeeeeeah
you stick with yours and i'll stick with mine, innit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:29, Reply)

Well have fun weekends one and all.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:30, Reply)

TERRIBLE RACISM

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:30, Reply)

It's always about the sticks with you.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:37, Reply)

Absolutely, couldn't agree more
Sitting round my back garden, relaxing on a lounger under my newly erected pergola, while the wife is conjuring up a chicken and bacon ceasar salad and my daughter tires herself out on the trampoline is my idea of a good time.

Sitting in an overpriced, overcrowded London bar, surrounded by guffawing Nathan Barley types, braying about how much they earn is my idea of a shit time.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:42, Reply)

The man does have a point.
I once had to endure a four hour train journey back from Cheltenham after a job interview, with some raddled old hippy sitting opposite, shoving hummus and mungbeans into his mouth all the way whilst making *slurp, chomp, slurp, slurp, chomp, nomnomnom, lipsmack, lipsmack* noises.

The fact that I didn't get the job was only marginally less annoying than that cunt.

Actually, the fact that I had to travel back with the successful candidate who was trying to be nice to me all the way after we'd both been notified by phone on the sodding train was marginally less annoying as well.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:41, Reply)

Mungbeanlols
Never actually had them, although I do love my hummous.

But not while commuting.

The worst cunt I ever had sat beside me the guy with the bacon Wheat Crunchies. It sounded like open cast mining. I shot him a dark look and got up and stood further down the train, glaring at him the whole time, and in fact I could hear the occasional CRUNCH from my distant viewpoint.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 18:56, Reply)