The Disappointed here...
Making quite clear that he's been up to afternoon drinking again.

Communicate your woes and aspirations below. Regard this as the Parish Noticeboard - relate your intentions for jumble sales, wife-swapping parties etc..
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 18:48, 119 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

i just don't feel like doing anything today

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 18:54, Reply)

My journey to and from work was shit
on account of the 70+ mile an hour winds. I hate driving in these conditions.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 18:56, Reply)

Serves you right for hang-gliding to work etc etc

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 23 May 2011, 18:57, Reply)

I thought the car was going to take off at one point.
That's the perils of having an economical, but small and light transportation device.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 18:59, Reply)

I love your car, I'm looking forward to seeing if it'll fit in my pocket again.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:02, Reply)

It is a brilliant little thing. An absolute joy to drive and nippy as fuck.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:03, Reply)

I thought I was going to take off just waiting to cross at the lights.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:04, Reply)

I did actually get blown backwards by the wind walking into the office today.
And spent a few seconds doing that comedy 'leaning forward but walking absolutely nowhere' thing so beloved of mime artists.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:10, Reply)

serves you right for being a tornado chaser

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 18:58, Reply)

I'm doing some work in a different office at the moment.
It's basically a large metal shed, and I'm on the top floor. It sounded like the roof was going to be ripped off :(
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:00, Reply)

When do you finish?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:07, Reply)

30th June.
I'm looking forward to it, but it's also a bit scary.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:08, Reply)

Let me tell you from personal experience
That these next five weeks will drag like five years.

Sorry to draw that gloomy cloud over you.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:12, Reply)

It's already dragging as I officially have the dullest task in the world to complete before I leave.
That, couple with the extra 90 minutes a day commute is conspiring to piss me off no end.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:14, Reply)

I copped for H&S training on my rundown on job before last
Dull dull dull.

Any thoughts on what to do next?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:20, Reply)

Nope, not yet.
Couple of months lounging about, then I'll have a think. I have to be careful as if I take employment with certain employers within six months I have to pay a proportion of the money back. I may sign up with and Agency, initially.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:28, Reply)

My neighbours fence has gone down
Like Mary Poppins, but duller and made of wood.

Hmm..travelling to work..I remember that.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 18:59, Reply)

The gaffer got into a flap and wants us to reopen a project that's been going on 18 months and is about to close.
Which would be all well and good except she was the one who wanted to get it closed and signed off in the first place.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:02, Reply)

WORRA CUNT!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:02, Reply)

top notch managerial feedback there

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:07, Reply)

I'm very perceptive.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:09, Reply)

I've done far too much today.
Yawn.

Can we have a parish cocktail party?
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:17, Reply)

every time I see the word "parish" I think of Louisiana and then True Blood and I get excited
thanks
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:18, Reply)

Hmm Lousianna
Let's drink gin.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:24, Reply)

or mint juleps

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:27, Reply)

whiskey more like
or moonshine
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:28, Reply)

Nope
I think I've drunk enough illegally distilled alcohol in my lifetime. I will stick to the gin and gin cocktails.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:30, Reply)

Does anybody else get that thing where they drink a lot and their teeth hurt?

(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:31, Reply)

Only when I fall over.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:33, Reply)

only when I step out of line

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:33, Reply)

It's really strange
Like my skull and gums hate my teeth and they are trying to give birth to them to get rid of them.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:38, Reply)

if I drink a lot of wine, then they start to ache
not quite like that though
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:45, Reply)

have you been mixing up the bottles marked 'beer' and 'PCP'?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:46, Reply)

That's it
I've been glugging down the PCP, silly me. Must stop that.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:51, Reply)

Had a strange experience
In a gay bar in Baton Rouge, LA, many years ago.

That's yer evening gratuitous TD "I've been everywhere" mention used up.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:32, Reply)

not unless you tell the story man
THE STORY!
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:32, Reply)

It's where he first met Darth, they consummated their perversions by the bins at midnight

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:35, Reply)

only you would think of that

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:37, Reply)

I think Rory's just projecting his own, sordid fantasies onto other people.
To disguise his true feelings. Like that bloke on American Beauty who shot Kevin Spacey.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 May 2011, 19:50, Reply)

He's admitted it, 'Charles' indeed

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:54, Reply)

Sorry chief
No uphill gardening here.

Look harder, Kimosabee.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 20:03, Reply)

If there are no pictures
it never happened
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:39, Reply)

I'm sure that will go down very well at your next court appearance for child molestation

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:55, Reply)

OK
It was a bar called Bogarts.

I'd done 24 hours on Greyhound, got showered and changed, went for a beer in the closest bar to the hotel.

Sat at the bar and got talking to a guy called Charles. And at the precise moment I realised I was in a gay bar he realised that I was straight.

One of the best best nights of my life. I was the English Straight in the gay bar.

Lost touch with Charles a couple of years ago, and regret it.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:41, Reply)

you massive closet gay

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:45, Reply)

Not really
One of Charles's "friends" came over to talk at one point.

Charles said "This is Simon, from England, and he's straight."

His friend rolled his eyes, said "Shame" and walked away.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:56, Reply)

Yeah, do it
I mean, I started the the thread, I sort of feel responsible for it's progression, but if you feel the need to do cocktail stuff crack on, eh.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:26, Reply)

I bought some piadinas
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piadina

and put regular sandwich stuff in one, folded it over and ate it. It was so nice I did it again, and now I'm really full.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:18, Reply)

looks like naan
i looked for naan and hummus at walmart
they don't have hummus
worst day ever
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:20, Reply)

hummus is easy to make
you should make it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:24, Reply)

yeah but you can buy it in that premade package with all the flavors already in and it's delicious
i want some nooooooow
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:28, Reply)

Make some K!
Make it. Make it. Make it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 20:26, Reply)

It's italian naan
a little heavier perhaps.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:25, Reply)

NAAN
like that?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:26, Reply)

That's the fella

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:27, Reply)

sounds good
I might find a recipe and make some.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 May 2011, 19:30, Reply)

And where does one purchase such things around here?

(berk, Mon 23 May 2011, 20:12, Reply)

I got them in the big Tesco
on the Stratford Road.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 20:23, Reply)

*Makes note!*
not sure why a note has been made
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 20:27, Reply)

In Shirley?
I'll bear that in mind; I tend to go to the one at five ways.
(berk, Mon 23 May 2011, 20:29, Reply)

Down by the M42
they might have them in Shirley too, though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:09, Reply)

I intend to auction myself off
on the dating site if I don't get lucky soon. Reckon I could make almost a whole pound if I tried
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:04, Reply)

go on, I'd pay at least 5

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:06, Reply)

w00t!
although with travel, that doesn't leave much profit
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:07, Reply)

bow chicka wow wow
you really know how to get a girl excited
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:11, Reply)

girls all love the profit

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:19, Reply)

GUESS WHAT, YOU PUSSIES
I JUST CHANGED A MOTHER FUCKING TIRE.
ON A TIRE MACHINE.
AND BALANCED IT AND PUT IT BACK.
FUCK YEAH.
*feels manly*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:06, Reply)

a tire machine?
does it wear you out?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:07, Reply)

That's the hub of the issue.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:11, Reply)

well tread carefully

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:12, Reply)

*insert rimming joke here*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:13, Reply)

it was hard to think of a good one under pressure

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:14, Reply)

I'm exhausted trying to keep up.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:14, Reply)

you're clutching at straws, dogfucker

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:18, Reply)

I'll put the brakes on this thread.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:20, Reply)

no need
just make sure you screen them for quality
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:21, Reply)

I'll take a back-seat.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:23, Reply)

we could talk about an alternator subject

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:25, Reply)

good idea
this one's tanked
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:26, Reply)

Do you want to park it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:27, Reply)

oil say when this is over

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:27, Reply)

Dip-stick.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:28, Reply)

RADIATOR

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:30, Reply)

AXEL

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:30, Reply)

SPARE TYRE

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:31, Reply)

CRANK SHAFT

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:31, Reply)

GEAR OIL

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:31, Reply)

BLUE CAR

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:32, Reply)

The red car and the blue car had a race....

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:33, Reply)

all red wants to do is stuff his face

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:34, Reply)

He eats everything he sees...

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:35, Reply)

from trucks to prickly trees

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:36, Reply)

But smart old blue he took the milky way.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:36, Reply)

TRANSAXLE SEALS

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:31, Reply)

Oooh. Check out the transmission on that!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:32, Reply)

I'd like to get my hands in that rear end!

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:34, Reply)

Cor! get a look at the fenders on that honey!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:36, Reply)

jesus jeff
it's not rocket psi-ence.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:18, Reply)

*impressed*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:19, Reply)

you massive pedant
www.naautoequipment.com/images/tirechangers/cemb/SM825%20TIRE%20CHANGER-600px.jpg
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:12, Reply)

I don't know what one of those is
that could be anything just with some words on it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:13, Reply)

TYRE machine
happy?

you use it to remove TYRES from a rim, and to put new ones on
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:15, Reply)

yeah, I still don't know how to use one

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:17, Reply)

yeah, but you said you didn't know what it was, not that you don't know how to use it

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:24, Reply)

OK, well kind of both, really
but I could probably guess what it does from the name
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:28, Reply)

I could guess that you didn't know how to use it

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:29, Reply)

how hard can it be?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:32, Reply)

very
There's like 7 steps to follow *sweats*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:34, Reply)

I also spilled toothpaste all down my black shirt today, twice, so I look like I've been gargling cum.
This is likely a lose.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:16, Reply)

well hello

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:17, Reply)

well it clearly is
an attraction in some part then ^^

boys are weird
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:18, Reply)

some sort of animal instict like marking your territory I bet

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:24, Reply)

you are on t'internet
here they're be weirdos.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:24, Reply)

and bad spellers

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:24, Reply)

and girls covered in minty-fresh jizz

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:25, Reply)

There are no girls on the internet.
-Dave, 42, Trucker
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:26, Reply)

42 year old truckers often have breasts

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:29, Reply)

jiggly jiggly moobs

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:29, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 May 2011, 21:30, Reply)