I had some egg mayo on these square Warburton bread things
It was shit. My limited edition BIG SUMMER CAN of Irn Bru made up for it though.

Alt: Small talk, instantly knowing the answers to times tables questions without doing sums in my head and knowing when to stop drinking.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:07, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

ham, cheese and salad wrap, toasted in the pan
I was better at multiplicaition when I was young and I knew the times tables off by heart
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)

you don't need to know when to stop drinking
if a combination of physical events makes it impossible to insert beverage into any of the officially endorsed orifii for beverage consumption, then you stop. Examples may include running out of money, running out of consciousness and running out of life.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)

+ running out of kebab shop without paying before tripping and falling face first into a bus shelter

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Drunk people injuring themselves is just fantastic.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

There was a boy at school called Ian Beverage..
..which is making reading the above a bit difficult.

My main mission in life when I'm in my cups is to maintain this fantastic turn of events and it doesn't often end well.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I did my PhD with a lass called Kirsten Beveridge
so, yeah, same applies.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I read that first line as a limerick
There was a [young] boy at school called Ian Beverage
Who in physics lessons knew about leverage
He sat on a plank
While

Oh dear.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)

*ahem*
"I can drive, swim, ride a bike, abseil (properly, without the safety cord that they put on for the sponsored abseil thingies). Cook, clean, grow fruit and veg, milk a goat, handle chickens, build a good fire, drive a tractor, write a poem, give a cat worming tablets, change a baby's nappy, fire a gun (shot and hand), skin a rabbit, gut a fish and make meringues. "

LIAR!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Erm...
I stopped because it had become rude, not because I couldn't write it.
So ner!

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I was going to finish with
While having a wank
But then his mum walked in and gave him a cup of tea.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)

You?
Struggling to be rude?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)

*blushes*

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Shall you be attending Monty's bash in October?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:28, Reply)

My name is down
You?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I'm really really hoping to
But how these next couple of months go will dictate whether or not I can. What I'm considering is heading down on the Friday night, stay somewhere cheap, Museum it up on Saturday daytime, then bash it that night, heading back early Sunday.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:37, Reply)

I know, nightmare, there isn't really a third rhyme for beverage.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Severage?
edit: Might help with a humourous disaster arising due to whatever he was doing on the plank.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)

while getting a spank
which he rated as better than average.

Tada!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Nice!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Ugh, that's because Egg Mayo is mingin

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I used to love it when I was younger but I'm going off it now
It was a pre-made tub of the stuff as well which didn't help. My excuse is I have to make four lunches in the morning and need to be quick. I keep meaning to make nice stuff the night before but keep forgetting.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I made a spectacular Cottage Pie last night, topped with wholegrain mustard mash
Then I fucking fell asleep while it was in the oven. Shit.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I fell asleep with a full glass of rum and coke once
I woke up feeling soggy with an empty glass

*much wailing and gnashing of teeth with the memory of the loss*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)

ah man i fucking love irn bru
I bought 3 bottles to take home from the celt fest but I've drank them all now :((((((((((((((
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I live in the Scottish capital of England so there's always plenty around
You can also get Irn Bru chewy bars and Irn Bru energy drinks.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)

WHAT

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:47, Reply)

?

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)

sorry I was mega excited about the chewy bars but then not so much since I can't buy them :(

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:04, Reply)