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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I make that lunch.
Alt: What basic life skills have you yet to master? Are you able to drive and swim for example.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 12:59, 235 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Not sure yet, going to the shop soon
Alt: I can't drive, I've not ridden a bike in 8 years (when I learned), and I can't swim very well. On the upside, I used to be able to code (could pick that up again pretty easily, I think), I can build PCs, and I'm not too bad at cooking.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:02, Reply)
baking

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:38, Reply)
So not time for lunch yet.
alt: I can drive, cook, swim, breathe, do laundry, what else is there? whatever it is, I'm fairly certain I can do it.
Oh, except weedeat. I can't do that :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:02, Reply)
There are no end to your mad skillz K.
Can you drive a proper car, or are you one of those benders that can only drive an automatic?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)
I know how to drive a stick.
*winks*
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)
Wayhay!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:11, Reply)
BOOM!
Won a camcorder.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:05, Reply)
Saw that, congrats!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:05, Reply)
How did you manage to win a camcorder?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)
He didn't.
We won it for him.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:07, Reply)
I'm none the wiser B3th.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:07, Reply)
It's a face space thing
You wouldn't understand.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:08, Reply)
Try me.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:08, Reply)
There's this shop, right?
and they wanted people on face space to 'like' them. Noel managed to get a huge bunch of people to 'like' the shop, and as a prize he got a camcorder.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)
Well, 'well done Noel'

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)
He's going to sell it for hookers and drugs.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:14, Reply)
He could make adult films and sell them.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
This post looks kinda creepy above mine.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
You're right.
It does.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)
I'm giving it to kiddo, what she does with it is her business.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
but you're hoping she has lots of sleepovers with all her little girly friends
and films them having pillow fights.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)
God, can you imagine having to clean up all those feathers?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)
Also, she's 14.
I'm not going to drool over her fit mates until they're at least almost sixteen.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
not long now!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
Those girls are getting old a lot earlier these days
OUr youngest granddaughter was 14 this month. We popped round to give her her presents and landed in the middle of a party. By god, those girls looked a lot older than 14.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)
That's what I keep telling the police

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)
I know they do here!
It's a bit scary, my cousins were the same way.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
She will sell it for hookers and drugs then?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:18, Reply)
I hope not, I do hope to borrow it occasionally.
I'm hoping to be doing some musical stuff soon, might stick it on ebay as it's kind of novel.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)
The owner is b3tan, and as a result recruited loads of us to do it.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)
His word "ingenious" has made me feel rather smug.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
Do you think you could work your magic on my site?
My ebay facebook page has only two likes - and that's me and my dad...
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)
Have you got any splendid electronics gear?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
No
*sadfaces*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
(Why not offer Noel a trip to the pier)

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
My page has over 1000 likes
mind you, it is "masturbating in public while crying and screaming the Lord's Prayer".

So obviously it would be more popular than eBay.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:43, Reply)
What a coincidence
I stumbled across that page yesterday.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:46, Reply)
So many do
I should really put stuff on it more regularly.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)
Yay!
Fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)
Can't drive
and I don't have a credit Card which is not a skill, but it's something most people take fro granted.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)
I can swim reasonably well, though I'm not used to swimming without flippers
(for years the only swimming I did was diving), it's weird having to actually kick rather than glide through the water.

Can't ride a bike, drive a car or maintain a healthy body weight.

Lunch will be with an old schoolfriend.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)
Stingrays are your swimming friends!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:07, Reply)
Not very buoyant though.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:09, Reply)
But they are useful for stabbing busy little Aussies is the heart with.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:09, Reply)
I can't dive into water.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:11, Reply)
I can swim and drive, but not simultaneously.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:08, Reply)
I am such a flid, and terrified of everything to boot, so I'm usually very late at learning to do stuff.
I was 8 when I started to ride a bike, about 15 when I learned to swim (and still can't do it very well) and 28 when I passed my driving test.

I also can't cook without a recipe to follow, or manage to do a weekly shop without forgetting something.

Lunch may well be Super Noodles - best of all the Noodles!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)
I can't budget myself properly
I can't feed myself properly and I can't keep my house clean properly.

Otherwise, I'm sorted.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:11, Reply)
Basically women skills then?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)
Oh BGB, you're such a sexist.
They're modern-era new man metrosexualist skills now.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)
Oh, well I'm fucked then
I can't do any of those things either.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
I can do most things when I can be arsed.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)
You are woman
Hear you roar.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:12, Reply)
RAWRRR!!!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)
Show me your war face!

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
: - S

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)
That looks like stroke face, not war face
FAST!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:20, Reply)
TO THE BATMOBILE!

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:22, Reply)
KAPOWIE!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:23, Reply)
Lunch
Pitta breads, spicy hummous and peppered ham, followed by cholocate milkshake

Alt:
I cannot wolf whistle, only normal whistle
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
You seem to have hummous a lot.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
I know!
I keep buying the 3 pot thing in Sainsburys.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)
That makes you a hummousexual.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
Haha!
I falalel about laughing there
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)
: (
A man who can't wolf whistle is only half a man.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:16, Reply)
Its the finger whistling thing I cant do

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
I can do that!
*Gets man points from Blousie!*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:18, Reply)
Wahey!
Kiss your biceps for me.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:23, Reply)
*Puckers up the guns*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:26, Reply)
the ONLY way to bag a classy lady.
Two tickets to the gun show.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)
or half a wolf?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
A wo

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
+oga!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)
man, i love cholocate milkshakes

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:17, Reply)
2 1l bottles for £2 in Sainsburys!
Bargain
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)
Can't drive, I tend to get muddled at roundabouts.
Although I have almost everything else sorted though. And I wouldn't have a credit card if you paid me.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
Friction fire starting
I got the hang of flint and steel but friction starting is something I need to brush up on.
(I helped save b3ta! M o D, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:27, Reply)
I can start a friction fire........................in my pants.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:29, Reply)
people still do that?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)
Better drink your own piss, Grylls.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:36, Reply)
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)
that man is the most gigantic over-compensator for his latent homosexuality I have ever seen.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:54, Reply)
No idea what I'm going to eat but I am peckish
I can drive, swim, ride a bike, abseil (properly, without the safety cord that they put on for the sponsored abseil thingies). Cook, clean, grow fruit and veg, milk a goat, handle chickens, build a good fire, drive a tractor, write a poem, give a cat worming tablets, change a baby's nappy, fire a gun (shot and hand), skin a rabbit, gut a fish and make meringues.

Form an orderly queue. ;-)
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)
Can you use an iron?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)
I can
but choose not to.

Life is too short.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)
*Leaves the queue*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:41, Reply)
Don't go changing your mind now
and try to push in.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
I choose to get the dry cleaners to do all my ironing

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)
LIES
no-one can give a cat worming tablets. Even an octopus doesn't have enough arms.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)
also, can you abseil forwards?
this is crucial.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)
Christ, no!
Lunatics and the SAS do that.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Sssshhhhh!
And try putting the cat into the arm of a jacket - head poked out the end and their legs and claws are all tucked away. Then wrench the top of their head open and chuck it down their throat. Shut mouth (theirs, not yours) and rub their throat for a long time - ideally until they swallow and lick their lips.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:54, Reply)
I've solved the problem by no longer having cats.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:55, Reply)
I've had guys try that with me.
My head doesn't fit down the sleeve though.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:56, Reply)
hahahaha
You need to use a wizards sleeve.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)
Or a clown's pocket.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:01, Reply)
I knew you'd get it.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
We all got it Jeff.
We were just all ignoring it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
*nods*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
*Sad face*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Yep.

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
fraid so.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
Marry me!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)
I would Blousie
but I'm currently still married to an oaf.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:56, Reply)
I do not remember our marraige

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:58, Reply)
You were probably drunk
Or I was.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
Thats OK then

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)
*sidles up*
I can do all of that bar milking a goat. I can fly a plane though. And, obviously, beat a bear to death with my penis. In case I haven't mentioned that.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)
yes, but can you skin an eel?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:54, Reply)
why would you want to?
they taste rubbish.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Why?

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:56, Reply)
ANSWER THE QUESTION.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
I am sorry but I do get a bit excited when you're forceful.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
*fetches mop*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
You're going to need a bigger mop.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
hornysharklolz

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
*aquaplaning chevron*

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)
He is very masterful, isn't he?

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
I'VE NEVER TRIED.

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Nice chevroning going on here.

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Excellent chevron work MB!

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I've had Glorious Tuscan Chicken and Orzo
www.gloriousfoods.co.uk/product.php?pid=15

Lush, and a lot of it too.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)
but is it soup or sauce? I'm so confused.
I cooked orzo once but I just had no idea how to season it, every which way tasted strange.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:54, Reply)
it#s soup.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)
is it#?
i figured as much
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I never learnt to drive.
MORE EXCITING NEWS AS IT HAPPENS - LIIIIIVEEEEE.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:00, Reply)
neither, really, did half of the country, Monts
doesn't stop the cunts being on the road.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
It was a keenness to avoid said cunts - combined with always living centrally, that informed my decision not to learn.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
If I'd grown up in and spent my whole life in London
I wouldn't have bothered either, to be fair.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
I only learn 9 years ago because I finally had to.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
did you learnt english at the same time?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
Pfft!
Speed typing lols.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
This is my problem, well that and my massive spacticisation

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
you spactic

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Now that I'm living centrally I'm pondering giving up the car
it's just damn convenient for major shopping trips.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)
I cannot comprehend not being able to drive
public transport is such an odious proposition.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
One word
Bicycles.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)
There's plenty of time for you to learn and buy yourself a bimmer with which to tempt the ladies.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)
*Zim zimmer*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)
+ frame

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
men with bimmers only tempt lesbians, surely?
what need does a straight lady have for more than one cunt?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
double ender?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
I don't think Mighters is that way inclined, Nakey-poo.
You're best off trying that shit on with Foxtrot.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
The Monty Mobile

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
Hmm, a real 'pussy wagon' right there

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)
I had some egg mayo on these square Warburton bread things
It was shit. My limited edition BIG SUMMER CAN of Irn Bru made up for it though.

Alt: Small talk, instantly knowing the answers to times tables questions without doing sums in my head and knowing when to stop drinking.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
ham, cheese and salad wrap, toasted in the pan
I was better at multiplicaition when I was young and I knew the times tables off by heart
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)
you don't need to know when to stop drinking
if a combination of physical events makes it impossible to insert beverage into any of the officially endorsed orifii for beverage consumption, then you stop. Examples may include running out of money, running out of consciousness and running out of life.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
+ running out of kebab shop without paying before tripping and falling face first into a bus shelter

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Drunk people injuring themselves is just fantastic.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)
There was a boy at school called Ian Beverage..
..which is making reading the above a bit difficult.

My main mission in life when I'm in my cups is to maintain this fantastic turn of events and it doesn't often end well.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)
I did my PhD with a lass called Kirsten Beveridge
so, yeah, same applies.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)
I read that first line as a limerick
There was a [young] boy at school called Ian Beverage
Who in physics lessons knew about leverage
He sat on a plank
While

Oh dear.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)
*ahem*
"I can drive, swim, ride a bike, abseil (properly, without the safety cord that they put on for the sponsored abseil thingies). Cook, clean, grow fruit and veg, milk a goat, handle chickens, build a good fire, drive a tractor, write a poem, give a cat worming tablets, change a baby's nappy, fire a gun (shot and hand), skin a rabbit, gut a fish and make meringues. "

LIAR!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Erm...
I stopped because it had become rude, not because I couldn't write it.
So ner!

;)
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)
I was going to finish with
While having a wank
But then his mum walked in and gave him a cup of tea.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
You?
Struggling to be rude?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
*blushes*

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
Shall you be attending Monty's bash in October?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:28, Reply)
My name is down
You?
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I'm really really hoping to
But how these next couple of months go will dictate whether or not I can. What I'm considering is heading down on the Friday night, stay somewhere cheap, Museum it up on Saturday daytime, then bash it that night, heading back early Sunday.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:37, Reply)
I know, nightmare, there isn't really a third rhyme for beverage.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Severage?
edit: Might help with a humourous disaster arising due to whatever he was doing on the plank.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
while getting a spank
which he rated as better than average.

Tada!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Nice!

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
Ugh, that's because Egg Mayo is mingin

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)
I used to love it when I was younger but I'm going off it now
It was a pre-made tub of the stuff as well which didn't help. My excuse is I have to make four lunches in the morning and need to be quick. I keep meaning to make nice stuff the night before but keep forgetting.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I made a spectacular Cottage Pie last night, topped with wholegrain mustard mash
Then I fucking fell asleep while it was in the oven. Shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I fell asleep with a full glass of rum and coke once
I woke up feeling soggy with an empty glass

*much wailing and gnashing of teeth with the memory of the loss*
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
ah man i fucking love irn bru
I bought 3 bottles to take home from the celt fest but I've drank them all now :((((((((((((((
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)
I live in the Scottish capital of England so there's always plenty around
You can also get Irn Bru chewy bars and Irn Bru energy drinks.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)
WHAT

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:47, Reply)
?

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)
sorry I was mega excited about the chewy bars but then not so much since I can't buy them :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:04, Reply)
neat handwriting.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)
Oh, yes and that
I kid you not, my 8 yer old son has better, but I have a doctor's note for Gonzism, so it's OK.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)
We should try and legally get dyslexia changed to Gonzism.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Definitely
all though it does kind of discriminate against those of us who are not Gonz but write like spackas. I might have to go on strike.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
there are two 6 year olds in year one that have better writing than me. It's amazing,

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
is you lisdexic then
or do you just have spackhands?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I'm a lefty and a spastic

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I'm left handed but I can write
You must be a pretard Bob.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I'm sinister too!

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)
I love that!
sinister FTW
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)
pretard?
but yeah probably!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Like a retard that works with young kids

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)
yeah that's me.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Can't help
My boy is a lefty, but despite having two dyslectic parents, two dyslexic grandfathers and every single male member of his father's family being dyslexic one way or another, has dodged the Gonz bullet.

oh fuck.

I've just realized

She must have been fucking the milkman.

Oh well, It put me just 1 DNA test away from getting 15% of my income back I guess, happy days.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)
: /

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)
meh, even if he isn't genetically mine (and there is actually some chance, although small that he isn't)
He's my boy, I saw him into this world, I helped raise him as long as I could stand his mother for and i'm the closest thing he has to a health male rolemodel so he's mine and damn proud of him I am too.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:44, Reply)
*pats on back*
Of course he's yours.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Yup, that he is
My vengeance upon the world.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:47, Reply)
He'll probably be an accountant, you know that don't you.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Nah, he's gonna be one of the Homeosexuals I reckon
He like musicals and the Theatre and stuff. Mind you he was trying to give me tips on pulling technique the other day, it was hilarious.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:09, Reply)
Aw bless!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Yeah, he loves milk, cheese, yoghurts and extra-marital sex
Must be yours
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Well, I like all those things
except yogurt, yogurt is just wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Since I've worked in IT for 20 years
my typing is still not much better than average but my ability to write by hand has practically disappeared.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
I always find myself writing stuff down when I'm trying to work out IT problems, rather than typing

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)
am booked in for two hours on tuesday afternoon for some tattoo work.
I mighgt start my aztec calendar or I might get one covered up.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Have you watched Four Lions yet?
Or is that tonight?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)
might not be til saturday now. I might be playing cards later instead.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Fair enough!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

calendar camera
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)
He'll have a tattoo done
somewhere in my his heart.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
aztec camera? sounds like a shit eighties bands from manchester.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Glasgow

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)
Fuck, not far off. I am mystic meg
ai am off to do the lottery
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Which numbers then?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
4,14, 28,31, 42,44

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)
What will you do with a 136 million quid Bob?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Like I said buy this place change it's name
have Rory put in stocks and raped by the Tottenham first team who will then be raped by lepars. And buy a kitten sanctuary.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

From the mountain tops down to the sunny street, a different drum is playing a different kind of beat.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I see you cryyyyin an' I want to kill yoooour friends

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)
it's like a mystery that never ends

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Delirious!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5zioPOIFb4
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Ooops!
It was a long time ago.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Alt: I am virtually incapable of making a decision
It even took me a good five minutes to work out whether it was worth posting this, but you know, eventually I just thought sod it, let's live dangerously for a change.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:50, Reply)
What you need is a strong sensible woman in your life.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:51, Reply)
For everything else, there's Lampito!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Zing!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Sensible would be boring
And she only needs to be strong enough to help with my ailing wrists.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Bless her little cotton socks.
And cleavage.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:56, Reply)
I'm always happy to 'bless' that cleavage.
The cotton socks, I haven't seen yet. I'm beginning to think that schoolgirl outfit is possibly fictitious...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I had a theory that male indecision is maybe a survival technique that's trying to evolve into us
Because what I have learnt from the last few years is that some women just seem to want a man to be firm and decisive so that they can subsequently berate him for making the wrong decision.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Conversely I've learnt that since whatever I choose to do will invariably be wrong,
to just do whatever the fuck I want.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)

for like
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)
That's not how it's said Ooop north.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)
No, I was simply trying to turn it into what you northern types might call
"A dubbel ent-ender"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)
This very succinctly sums up my marriage to the former Mrs Fister.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)
Well your first bad decision was marrying her in the first place.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:30, Reply)

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