yeah but, she is not very mobile, gets very tired and is rather self conscious
so it needs to be fairly genteel really; it's also a Sunday.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:00, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Make her a really nice lunch
then present her with a new pair of rubber gloves and washing up sponge for afterwards.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Good idea
Make it extra-special; tell her you didn't even dip into her housekeeping allowance to buy said cleaning goods
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

It's a winner in my book.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

self concious because she's a massive lump
or because she has to admit to sleeping with you?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)

both
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Oh, are you a fellow member of the "my woman is far too good for me" club?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

is far too good for mehas thus far failed to realise I'm as bent as a nine-bob note

/obvious gay jibe is obvious
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

obvious crap

Apply as you wish
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Actually no, we are pretty even I reckon
We both love and drive each other mad in equal amounts and are similarly presented
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Oh, I'm sorry mate
;-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

You keep telling yourself that
to justify just how whipped you are.
( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

OK!
The other way round is worse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:08, Reply)

No, get a quality girl who is out of league
and destroy all her self esteem until she's resigned herself to a lifetime with you. Sorted.
( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)

A quality girl robbed of her self-esteem is a quality girl no longer
Looks fade and boobies sag. So I'm told.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

But they can still make cups of tea right?

( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Yes
But you have to be careful how many fingers you break during the subjugation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Quality thinking
*makes notes*
( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

I don't want to put bert-esque images in your head
but that's pretty much what happened to me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Would you say that you are whipped? Or are you your own man who does what he wants, when he wants?
.... that and other verious conversations that could lead to an arguement.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Sorry Gonz, are you talking to DJ or me?
In my case; yes and no in that order. As has been repeatedly pointed out, I am punching well above my weight.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)

He's trying to release Roota from my shackles
Gonz is a noble gentlemanly sort you see.
( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Oh, the Lusty tactic
At least he doesn't discern amongst B3tans

*adds Gonz to list of B3tans who will never meet Ms Foxtrot*

That's a hell of a list
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

So he's hedging his bets with your fiancee and your sister?
Maybe it's you he wants. Have you thought about that?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Haha, I love the replies to this like you've all only _just_ worked out that I really really just want to have an affair with pretty much anyone on here who's female.
But naturally I'm only being serious about [name], and everyone else I'm joking about. Yeah' baby, it's you I want, I'm just harmlessly flirting with everyone else, they have self esteem issues and I thought I'd help out.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Oh wow, oh my goodness, I have an uncanny ability to cockblock myself.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

He's the one I'm trying to split up with his misses, not you*
Don't get me wrong though, I think she'd be quite hurt by that, I don't want that. I figure they're deeply besotted with each other, which means you can get away with most things. I reckon she could get away with a sorired affair and he'll take her back, he'd be mad not too, so really no-harm-no-foul. It makes sense really, could bring them closer together or something, I don't know. I'm just being incredably self serving.


* "... you'll do that all on your own." is what I wrote after that, more for the harsh-lulz. I don't really know anything aside The Three Facts about you.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)

AAAND, and, if she does have an affair, then he'll be able to throw it up in arguements....
... "I MAY HAVE FOGOTTEN TO PICK UP THE BREAD ON THE WAY HOME, BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T FORGET TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH GONZ", I'll be doing him a favour really.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Allow me to furnish you with some more
I really like football
My mental arithmetic skills are excellent but nonetheless of zero use to me
My missus is too good for me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

If your mental arithmetic is so good, what's the two highest numbers you can think of and add them up, in your head?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Dunno

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

I had to google this, but here you go...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transfinite_number
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

I wasn't suggesting you actually blind her
Which anniverary is it? If the prospect of spending a day doing as little as possible and relaxing whilst being waited on hand and foot by a doting husband fills her with joy, then I suggest what I just said there.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

i think this may be the answer!
it's our 1st wedding anniversary, but we'll have been together 9 years in October...bloody hell
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Took you long enough to do the right thing, you CAD
No hypocrisy to see here. Move along.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Well we got engaged after 6 years
2 at Uni
1 pissing about after Uni
1 where she was in France for 6 months
2 in london; I then proposed as I had good job and we'd bought a flat together
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Good for you
I'm not really in any position to point fingers, with 9 years, 4 months and 27 days on the clock and nary a proposal in sight.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

+ my 6

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Still not FROM Norfolk, dear
and you can't catch it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Cake house visit then

( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

There's a house made of CAKE?!
And you can visit it?!! WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

There's the Black Cat cafe in Cambridge
(if it hasn't shut down)
( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:08, Reply)

DF's more interested in the Black Cap in Camden.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

IT'S A CHUTNEY BAR.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)

YOU'D KNOW
Do they have cheese and crackers as well?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)

If you have to explain a joke, it's not funny

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Haha
Edit: I disagree, the joke was obvious. The over the top, Chompyesque explanation made me genuinely laugh.
( djtrialprice, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Plus 'CHUTNEY BAR' is in itself a comical term, I'd say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

And it's made of cake?
I'll need this verifying before I hop on a train. I used to spend a lot of time in Cambridge and I don't remember any buildings made of cake. And I would definitely remember a building made of cake.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)