so, ive been up since three this morning
As mrs ape has gone into labour three weeks early...just waiting for the contractions to be strong enough and we're off to hospital.

Wish us luck and bring me coffee!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 8:56, 13 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Good luck Ape : )
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)

The pub doesn't open for another couple of hours

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Good luck.
You'll need more than coffee.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

I hope it's not an otter, God speed xxx

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:00, Reply)

God speed you! Black otterer.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:02, Reply)

If it's black, Ape's not the mother...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Please take photos of the vending machine in the hospital and make note of it's prices and stock levels.
I bet you the ratio of Kitkat Chunkies to Sales aren't as good as the ratio of Mars Bars to Sales.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Good luck fella!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Name it Liam if it's a boy.
Also if it's a girl.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

"They're gonna name it Liam...
after Barry."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Emerson Stranglewank.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Stop at an offie and get a bottle of cognac.
I fucking wished I'd had one when mine was born.

Good luck, you awful cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Ohh, yeah', and a can of 'V' energy drink and a packet of those fizzy refreshers too.
God, I fucking love V energy drink and fizzy refreshers.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Every energy drink anywhere everywhere is fucking disgusting.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Red Bull goes very well with vodka
Although chocolate coated coffee beans are far classier.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)

It's foul.
If you need energy, have a fucking line for Christ's sake.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:15, Reply)

My nose is exit only
Save for the occasional probing finger of boredom.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Apart from when I was blind drunk, and was convinced to snort vodka. Which hurt, a lot.
And mephedrone, which frankly was shit.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)

you fucking classless heathen.
Gentlemen snort port.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

You, Barry, are entirely correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)

It's why I can't drink Jaegerbombs.
Not that I'm missing out on anything. I also can't drink out of a cup that has had Red Bull in it previously without it being washed about five times. Even the smell makes me gag.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:22, Reply)

jaffabombs are preferable, if one must bomb.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I swear, sometimes with all the shit you come up with, that you're smoking a crack pipe on a regular basis.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Good luck!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:10, Reply)

good luck

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:10, Reply)

OH LORD NO!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)

what?

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:15, Reply)

They're very scared of newbies.
For a while, people here will accuse you of being someone called Bert, occasionally someone called Piston, or a variety of others who have left in less than stellar circumstances.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Or Bou, if we're going old school.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Who is Bou?
Or has this been explained previously?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Bou is/was a legendary South African mentalist on /talk
she was proper batshit and went through so many accounts that, for a while at least, cr3 just banned SA IP addresses from signing up.

ah, those were the days.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Thanks for the heads up. I am non of those people.

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:25, Reply)

That's good to hear.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:26, Reply)

(s)he'd say that even if (s)he was, though.
BE VIGILANT.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Aaargghhhhhhhhhhh!

( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Hello SoulBowl, I don't know anything about you, but I would like to get to know more.
Tell me, if it's not to personal, what's your favorite thing about a hospital vending machine?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Alright,
The fact I am healthy and have no need to use one?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Fair enough, I guess the only other question is what kind of cerial do you like.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Not fond of milk so avoid cereal. Any more strange questions for me?
what toothpaste do you prefer?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Say no more, that's all I need to know, I know _exactly_ what you mean.
I like that colgate one that talks about emanial. When I was a kid you could get strawberry toothpaste, I think I would like to try that one again.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I read that as "contractors"
and thought, blimey, how much does she weigh?

Congrats though, best of luck and all that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Best of luck!!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Good luck!
I agree with the Cognac I drank a bottle of Remy when my first was born but was too broke to get one when my second came along. Remy and cigars oh yes!
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

You are a man of style and taste and should be congratulated*

*although I favour the XO Hennessy in an ideal world. Which is why I am bankrupt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I can't imagine being able to spend more than £100 on a bottle in the near future.
Not until the kids are at least 50
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Me neither.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)