I was at work at 7:20 this morning
I've written a long and distressing email to my father blasting him for being such a poor father to my sister and grandfather to my daughter. I've worked 8am-7pm the last two days and I won't be out of here 'til 7 tonight at the earliest. Last night I notice that my insolvency plan allows me £17 a month for lunches at work - for the next five years.

Wooo!!! YEAH!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:00, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oof, that sounds fun.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I tell you what I just cannot stop LOLing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)

A walls sausage roll is 75p in tescos
and has 511 calories. FIVE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN.

I had one this morning, it was grim.

It does fit your budget, though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)

That's horrific
Bear in mind that you live in Birmingham and Monty lives in London. 75p for you is £41.37 for him.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)

After a month of those
Lab's suggestion would probably look significantly more appealing.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)

They're all vile
Although, Tesco Sausage rolls, microwaved for 1 minute, then have them dipped into ketchup is one of my guilty pleasures.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Along with cake and sodomy

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I don't tend to eat much cake.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Early Marilyn Manson LOLs

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Most embarrassing of all the LOLs

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Actually "late Marilyn Manson LOLs" are worse

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Much as I hate to agree with Captain Quender
he's right, the first 3 albums were OK, then it all got a bit wank.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I also agree with this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Therefore it is true

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I'm going to stick up for The Golden Age of Grotesque
after that, it went horribly wrong.

Also, Mr Cavy, Vippers agrees with me a lot and no-one thinks he's a gobbler
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)

My memory of their discography is hazy
Are you including Mechanical Animals in the 'OK' or 'Wank' section?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I don't regard Smells Like Children as an album proper
which would make Mechanical Animals number three
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That was my thought

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)

we are all in accord

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Honda lols.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

There's no challenge involved in agreeing with you two

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

that was the 4th one I think
and I actually quite like it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I rather like it too
The one after that marked the decline in my mind.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Holy Wood was disappointing, certainly
Mechanical Animals is a great album, the only one which holds a candle to Antichrist Superstar IMHO. That's my morning listening sorted, cheers lads
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I have a lot of time for Portait of an American Family

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Me too
But I would classify that as good rather than great
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

This is like saying
"Out of all the cancers, breast cancer is ok, but I wouldn't want bowel cancer."
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Bowel cancer's a right pain in the arse.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)

But breast cancer gets right on my tits.

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Throat cancer sticks in my craw

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Foot cancer's sole-destroying.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Leukaemia makes my blood boil

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Lung cancer chokes me right up.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I find brain cancer mind-boggling

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I heard he went knocking on door to door with a cabbage patch doll, a knife and some ketchup.... trying to shock people.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Whenever I see the term "blasting" in this context
I immediately think of tabloid headlines.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Ouch, that'll be tough, but here's a suggestion that might help
Kill yourself.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Once I've cleared my 'to kill' list I will indeed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Won't that take...
*counts on fingers*

...forever?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:08, Reply)

There aren't enough bullets in the world.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

You're claiming there aren't 6 billion bullets in the world?
Supply and demand, Monts; there will be when you get started
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Yes, but the trouble is he can't afford them all.
It's a vicious circle.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

He should start off by killing those with a price on their heads then
It's not unrealistic to assume that his not knowing them doesn't affect his judgement re: their worthiness to continue breathing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I'm making crossbow bolts out of bicycle spokes instead.
Make do and mend, I always never say.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Good man, that's the spirit.
There's loads of those bent Barclays bikes around as well, so you have a constant supply.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

The last time somebody had that problem they switched to gas

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I think that brings us back to the issue of cost
Fucking privatisation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Shit.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:08, Reply)

this advice applies to so many people and so many scenarios

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I'm trying to get it published as the ultimate self-help guide
And then I'll re-brand it as the fastest and most successful weight-loss plan.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)