I'm attractive, intelligent, popular and rich.
And I have a beard.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:50, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

is it a Shipman-esque beard?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Well, he is a doctor so you never know...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

It's a beard.
I'm not sure what specific qualities of Harold Shipman's beard you mean. It's not white or bushy and it doesn't contain the excited spittle of a mass murderer.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

that's good to know
I'm undertaking beard research. It's important to know these things.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Yours is nicer Vippers.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

that goes without saying

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:09, Reply)

There are four critical rules of beards
1) if you can't grow a fucking beard then don't try. There's absolutely no dignity in neckbeards, clumps, bumfluff or gaps below your moustaches.
2) if you can grow a fucking beard then grow a fucking beard. You're a man. Leave the nancyboy gillette and pampering oils to slag-fucking golfers.
3) only trim if it merges into your eyebrows, ear or chest hair. Too much trimming and you risk turning Jeremy Beadle.
4) no fat chicks
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:11, Reply)

some fat chicks are excellent at growing beards
the fat fucks up their hormones so they have excessive testosterone.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:12, Reply)

These are the fat chicks I was referring to.
Having said that, there's something disturbingly foxy about a fit bird with a comedy horseshoe moustache.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:13, Reply)

so long as it's not homegrown, right?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:14, Reply)

So long as it doesn't get all velcro with my arse pubes then I'm fine with home grown.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:15, Reply)

what a delightful image

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

good rules all
my beard is about 5 inches long. it does have a gap between it and my sideburns though, but that's only because I have magnificent sideburns and like to show them off.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I concur
Also, matching your hair colour is a plus. Full coverage is essential.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:24, Reply)

it's an
anal beard, isn't it?

:(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:01, Reply)

My arse isn't waxed, if that's what you're asking.
Are you frightened of adult hair? Are you some sort of pædophile?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:04, Reply)

No, but I am.
a/s/l?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Your mum. Your mum. Your mum.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Only the third of those is potentially a valid answer, young man.
(...or young lady?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:15, Reply)

"as" "with" "up"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Very good, dad.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

no, that is not what i am asking
there is a difference between a bit of normal adult male and a full-on fucking plait-able beard.

so which is it?

if neither, bend over for crow.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Get away from me, you filthy nonce.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:12, Reply)

holy shit
i've been on here almost 8 years and i've never been called a nonce before. woo.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I'm not going to pretend to be 8 years old for anybody, you revolting perv.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:14, Reply)

i can't actually deny the perv bit
oh well
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:14, Reply)