I can't see that picture
And am therefore blissfully blame-free in my ignorance
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:59, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Basically, it is your fault
Hope this helps, thx bye
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:01, Reply)

*adds to list*
So that's global warming... the fall of Western civilisation... every Ashes series between 1987 and 2005... and now B3ta. Cheers.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

You have wide shoulders

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Balances out the arse
When I shift my gut I'll have an hourglass figure
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I am a classic pear at the moment
I found my old gym tests from 2006. *weeps*

I was really fit then.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)

This is exactly why I never go to the gym
That and the money
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)

15.6% body fat......
*cries uncontrollably*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Do you know, I genuinely have no idea if that's good (then) or bad (now)
*looks down*

I suspect mine is rather higher than that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)

That was good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I don't want to know what mine is now then
That said, I genuinely only have any fat on me between my chest and my waist. Everything else is in pretty good shape.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Pendulous breasts

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)

ditto
it's bloody unshiftable.

To be fair, I'm not trying as hard as I could be. *eats cake* *watches telly*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)

That's the annoying thing, I actually am trying
It turns out that it takes longer than a couple of months of running to get thin. If someone had told me that I wouldn't have fucking bothered
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I like a guy with some spare tyre.
And I can't be the only one.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I think I have two these days

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Nah you're not.
It's not nice cuddling a bag of bones. I like someone I can cuddle.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)

It's a graph
You wouldn't like it, it contains no information on musical theatre, light loafers, scented candles, rainbow flags, brightly-coloured and effeminately-named cocktails, Celine Dion, male grooming, small novelty dogs or other men's bottoms.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I fail to see what any of this has to do with me
Except musical theatre, and male grooming. And EVERYONE likes small novelty dogs.

Crow! You live in London, and are a reasonably cultured man, yes? Give me some recommendations for stuff to do in the capital, there's a chap. Am taking the missus down there for a couple of weeks to celebrate her birthday and have an inkling that going to see Chicago every night won't quite cut it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Well, there's always Priscilla: Queen of the Desert...
I jest. If you've a couple of weeks to kill:
- There is a metric fuckton of good pubs, if you know where to find them. I say this from the point of view of an ale drinker, admittedly.
- Avoid Oxford Street if possible. It will make you hate other pedestrians as much as I do
- I believe Carnaby Street does a lot of trendy fashiony-type stuff that you can both go and squeal at
- Trick her into thinking you're sophisticated: the Royal Festival Hall, Royal Albert Hall and Barbican are usually playing host to some good (and relatively cheap) classical concerts
- OR go to see some jazz at the Jazz Cafe or some blues at Ain't Nothin' But, Round Midnight (or, indeed, the jam at the Spice of Life on a Tuesday night if you can walk past Priscilla without walking in by force of instinct)
- Visit the parks. They're nice.
- Visit the zoo. (BE SURE NOT TO LEAVE HER THERE BY ACCIDENT!!!LOLZORS!!ROFLMAO!!!!QUETZALCOATLAS!!!!!11)
- Go to Hamley's and temporarily return to a state of complete (or just enhanced) juvenility.
- Go to Soho and watch other women taking their clothes off. Or men, whatever she'd rather
- Meet some London b3tans for a pint, and we'll try not to let the in-jokes slip out
- Go to Tayyabs and eat heavenly curried meat until you cry ghee.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)

*makes notes furiously*
Thank you very much, appreciate you taking the time. I especially like the subtly interwoven insults. I must defend my taste if not my sexuality; I would never go and see Priscilla, because the film was fucking shit.

EDIT: In reference to the possibility of a mini-bash, I had considered suggesting it but am not sure how many of you are on the List Of B3tans I'd Trust Enough To Introduce The Missus To. It is a conspicuously short list, with about 6 or 7 names. Who lives in London apart from yourself and Monty?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:16, Reply)

WTF!!
The film was fabulous.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I must take issue with this
I know, better than most I think, what constitutes fabulous.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I'm the biggest fag hag in the universe.
I think I have some say in the matter also.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Not any more
Just because a film is camp as tits does not make it good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)

It's nothing to do with the camp.
It's the fucking acting credentials.

Guy Pierce
Terence Stamp
Hugo Weaving
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

No, YOU go weaving

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Great cast, no question
You know what else has great actors in it? Heaven's Gate.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

The story line is good as is the cinematography.
You're off your head lad.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)

The storyline is daft at best and nonsensical at worst
And unlike various other Hugo Weaving films which suffer from the same affliction, it doesn't have massive explosions to distract from its flaws
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

It's a photograph of a bunch of sex-starved greek sailors failing to masturbate over a picture of your missus.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Oh, THAT
Been doing the rounds for yonks mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Two of them are actually crying.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:07, Reply)

ÐÜôåñ çìþí, ï ïðïßïò ôÝ÷íç óôïí ïõñáíü

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I know
I beat off to that photo at least twice a day. The one on the left has such shapely eyebrows
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)

It's you in a tutu, you fucking queer.
In other news, morning!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Morning, you crossdressing pig-rapist
How's tricks?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)

They're as drunk as I am.
Ah well, the Boss is off, and if my head isn't clear by lunchtime, I might get a lunchtime pint.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Good man
Find a pub showing the second test. Don't go between 1 and 1.45 though. Rookie mistake.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

One down the road should, I'll stick my head in there.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

You might want to follow it with the rest of you
Some pubs are funny about serving disembodied heads
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Ahh, I'll scare the barstaff.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

AND THEN WHO WILL SERVE YOU?!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)