Oh, B3ta :(

Discuss.
Personally, I'm blaming YOU, Off Topic was created in 2008
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:00, 90 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You could be right.
Or maybe b3ta's 3ating its3lf
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:02, Reply)

I like this.

( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:33, Reply)

Alarm bells are ringing, Roots.
Three showers already today.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Here's a little truth for you.
This thread is SHIT.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:28, Reply)

YES!
Death to b3ta!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:33, Reply)

I've used the word 'moribund' with regards to this place twice recently. Now I am supported by statistics.
This is clearly the fault of asylum seekers.

In other news, I nearly torched myself in protest at the latest witterings of monumental dimwit 'David Beckham' who is launching a fashion label. According to the Einstein of Leytonstone, he's really excited about the 'bodywear' he'll be flogging. 'Bodywear'. Or, 'clothing' as it used to be known.

Wot a kant, eh readers?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:35, Reply)

But he's pretty and he can do kicking!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:38, Reply)

But...'bodywear', Doc. 'Bodywear'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:41, Reply)

But look at his ickul face! And his ickul beard! And his ickul flicky haircut!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:43, Reply)

What I like best about him is his voice.
It's so commanding, such a rich baritone. Anyone who says he sounds like Joe Pasquale's 5-year-old son is WAY OFF THE MARK.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Never has God played a more cruel trick than giving that face and body such a voice.

( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Roundworm.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Cerebral Palsy.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Human childbirth.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:54, Reply)

The penis.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:54, Reply)

*nods sagely*

( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:55, Reply)

ARE YOU CALLING GOD A PENIS?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Looks like someone's been mistranslating their Amon Duul II albums, eh readers?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Yes.
Feel the embrace of His Cheesy Miasma!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I disagree, Blousie
At least Beckham has the face and the body to fall back on, and they have served him reasonably well, it's fair to say. Whereas everyone from Birmingham...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

When he stops being able to do kicking quite so well
he totes has a second career doing the voiceover for film trailers.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)

you know

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Yes, look at it
I don't think I'd ever tire of punching it...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

have you thought about writing for Viz?
or the Daily Mail?

sooner or later you're going to take my career ideas seriously, I'm sure of it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:45, Reply)

My Stormfront commitments leave me little spare time, sadly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)

"the Einstein of Leytonstone"
This made me lol
(McChinaman banned, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I can't tell you how much I hate people using daft words to describe clothes.
I see it all the time on some of the websites I go on. 'The shirting Nigel Cabourn has released this season are great'. Fuck off. 'That's a nice piece'. Piece? Seriously? 'Our new selection of knits are fantastic'. They're jumpers you utter cunt.

I hate myself for going on those places. They do have nice pieces, I mean clothes, though.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Piece should refer to a gun
or an Italian-American gangster's "moll"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Or a sandwich.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:53, Reply)

mayhab

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Or a segment of jigsaw.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Or a wedge of cake.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Gah, fuck off you winged quender.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:45, Reply)

I'm liking the use of 'winged' there
I might take the concept on board and start using it.

you bespectacled arse-brigand
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)

10/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:55, Reply)

.....around the time that Facebook etc took off then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Just as well
Don't want all those ghastly riff-raff coming in here and clogging up the place with their inferiority.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

This^
we have a much better class of autist these days
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Got rid of the belmers in favour of window-lickers.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Keeps them clean innit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Woo for eliteism.

( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Keep licking

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)

*shlurrrpp*

( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:16, Reply)

*spunks*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I can't see that picture
And am therefore blissfully blame-free in my ignorance
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Basically, it is your fault
Hope this helps, thx bye
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:01, Reply)

*adds to list*
So that's global warming... the fall of Western civilisation... every Ashes series between 1987 and 2005... and now B3ta. Cheers.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

You have wide shoulders

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Balances out the arse
When I shift my gut I'll have an hourglass figure
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I am a classic pear at the moment
I found my old gym tests from 2006. *weeps*

I was really fit then.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)

This is exactly why I never go to the gym
That and the money
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)

15.6% body fat......
*cries uncontrollably*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Do you know, I genuinely have no idea if that's good (then) or bad (now)
*looks down*

I suspect mine is rather higher than that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)

That was good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I don't want to know what mine is now then
That said, I genuinely only have any fat on me between my chest and my waist. Everything else is in pretty good shape.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Pendulous breasts

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)

ditto
it's bloody unshiftable.

To be fair, I'm not trying as hard as I could be. *eats cake* *watches telly*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)

That's the annoying thing, I actually am trying
It turns out that it takes longer than a couple of months of running to get thin. If someone had told me that I wouldn't have fucking bothered
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I like a guy with some spare tyre.
And I can't be the only one.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I think I have two these days

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Nah you're not.
It's not nice cuddling a bag of bones. I like someone I can cuddle.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)

It's a graph
You wouldn't like it, it contains no information on musical theatre, light loafers, scented candles, rainbow flags, brightly-coloured and effeminately-named cocktails, Celine Dion, male grooming, small novelty dogs or other men's bottoms.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I fail to see what any of this has to do with me
Except musical theatre, and male grooming. And EVERYONE likes small novelty dogs.

Crow! You live in London, and are a reasonably cultured man, yes? Give me some recommendations for stuff to do in the capital, there's a chap. Am taking the missus down there for a couple of weeks to celebrate her birthday and have an inkling that going to see Chicago every night won't quite cut it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Well, there's always Priscilla: Queen of the Desert...
I jest. If you've a couple of weeks to kill:
- There is a metric fuckton of good pubs, if you know where to find them. I say this from the point of view of an ale drinker, admittedly.
- Avoid Oxford Street if possible. It will make you hate other pedestrians as much as I do
- I believe Carnaby Street does a lot of trendy fashiony-type stuff that you can both go and squeal at
- Trick her into thinking you're sophisticated: the Royal Festival Hall, Royal Albert Hall and Barbican are usually playing host to some good (and relatively cheap) classical concerts
- OR go to see some jazz at the Jazz Cafe or some blues at Ain't Nothin' But, Round Midnight (or, indeed, the jam at the Spice of Life on a Tuesday night if you can walk past Priscilla without walking in by force of instinct)
- Visit the parks. They're nice.
- Visit the zoo. (BE SURE NOT TO LEAVE HER THERE BY ACCIDENT!!!LOLZORS!!ROFLMAO!!!!QUETZALCOATLAS!!!!!11)
- Go to Hamley's and temporarily return to a state of complete (or just enhanced) juvenility.
- Go to Soho and watch other women taking their clothes off. Or men, whatever she'd rather
- Meet some London b3tans for a pint, and we'll try not to let the in-jokes slip out
- Go to Tayyabs and eat heavenly curried meat until you cry ghee.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)

*makes notes furiously*
Thank you very much, appreciate you taking the time. I especially like the subtly interwoven insults. I must defend my taste if not my sexuality; I would never go and see Priscilla, because the film was fucking shit.

EDIT: In reference to the possibility of a mini-bash, I had considered suggesting it but am not sure how many of you are on the List Of B3tans I'd Trust Enough To Introduce The Missus To. It is a conspicuously short list, with about 6 or 7 names. Who lives in London apart from yourself and Monty?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:16, Reply)

WTF!!
The film was fabulous.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I must take issue with this
I know, better than most I think, what constitutes fabulous.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I'm the biggest fag hag in the universe.
I think I have some say in the matter also.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Not any more
Just because a film is camp as tits does not make it good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)

It's nothing to do with the camp.
It's the fucking acting credentials.

Guy Pierce
Terence Stamp
Hugo Weaving
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

No, YOU go weaving

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Great cast, no question
You know what else has great actors in it? Heaven's Gate.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

The story line is good as is the cinematography.
You're off your head lad.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:35, Reply)

The storyline is daft at best and nonsensical at worst
And unlike various other Hugo Weaving films which suffer from the same affliction, it doesn't have massive explosions to distract from its flaws
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

It's a photograph of a bunch of sex-starved greek sailors failing to masturbate over a picture of your missus.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Oh, THAT
Been doing the rounds for yonks mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Two of them are actually crying.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:07, Reply)

ÐÜôåñ çìþí, ï ïðïßïò ôÝ÷íç óôïí ïõñáíü

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I know
I beat off to that photo at least twice a day. The one on the left has such shapely eyebrows
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)

It's you in a tutu, you fucking queer.
In other news, morning!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Morning, you crossdressing pig-rapist
How's tricks?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)

They're as drunk as I am.
Ah well, the Boss is off, and if my head isn't clear by lunchtime, I might get a lunchtime pint.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Good man
Find a pub showing the second test. Don't go between 1 and 1.45 though. Rookie mistake.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

One down the road should, I'll stick my head in there.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

You might want to follow it with the rest of you
Some pubs are funny about serving disembodied heads
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Ahh, I'll scare the barstaff.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

AND THEN WHO WILL SERVE YOU?!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Irrelivent statistic is irrelivent
www.alexa.com/siteinfo/b3ta.com
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 9:23, Reply)