Sunday afternoon boredom.
We've just tried shopping for school shoes with a teenage girl. That was fun.

Where is everybody?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 15:44, 103 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm here
I went to town earlier and then went to the beach. Now I'm looking at houses and listening to Iron and Wine over and over. It is so very good.

what are you up to to get over your trauma?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Did you get yourself a 99 and rent a deck chair?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)

pff
you can't do that on swansea bay. There wasn't even a ice cream van. I got a ginger beer and a bag of pickled onion monstermunch from the shop round the corner.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Hope you had lashings* of ginger beer.
*unsure just how much ginger beer you get in a standard 'lash'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

330ml

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)

So there are 330ml per lash.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)

yes
this is why when people say they are 'out on the lash' they drink 330ml of alcohol.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)

I'm led to believe that drinking a lash (or more) of ginger beer entitles you to solve a crime.
However you crime fighting team much include 3 human friends and a dog.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)

this is entirely correct and spiffing

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)

So what did you investigate?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Well there was this whole thing
with some smugglers on this island we were hanging out on. B3th said we should go home and it was none of our business, but Blousie said it was our duty as citizens to find out. Quixote said he was too scared and Jeff just barked.

So we snuck around the rock near the cove to see if we could make out what they were saying. It turns out that one of them was none other than Uncle Darth! "I never trusted him!" whispered b3th.

Well, he seemed to be in discussion with some ginger haired crone so we listened in closely to find out what was being said. Shockingly it turned out that he was arranging to smuggle barrels of general knowledge onto OtterIsland via B3topia from the mainland.

Well you know what Blousie thinks of actual facts! She ran out from behind the rock faster than you could say 'fantastic hair you've got there!' and ran towards Darth, screaming. B3th and I tried to stop her, but when we realised it was too late, we joined her to help, Jeff scampering alongside. Quixote just wet his pants.

Anyway, we managed to overpower Darth, but the ginger crone got away in her speedboat. Darth was very sorry and we marched him to the mods who locked him up for the night.

The case is still pending
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:06, Reply)

b3th likes this
*clicks*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)

hahahahahahaha
*clicks*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Hahahah!

( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 18:46, Reply)

And clickles from me too.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 18:59, Reply)

You can't have lashings of ginger beer without lashings of hard-boiled eggs.
One loosens your insides, the other counteracts the effect.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)

You should have gone with cash or a credit card.
I'd imagine most shops are okay for teenage girls.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Ugh.
We went into about a million 'fashion' shops, and nothing was what she wanted. After a couple of hours, she just went into that slough of despond that teenage girls do so well, and we had to give it up as a bad job.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)

So why were you taking a teenage girl shopping?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 16:52, Reply)

mr b3th decided to treat the granddaughters to something nice for school/college.
The older one was slightly more sensible, and said she'd rather just have the money.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:01, Reply)

If you were less of a square and more 'down with the kids' you'd have got shoes without stress.
Innit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:04, Reply)

AKshually
it was her that was choosing. It was 'town' that wasn't good enough for her. Which, when you consider we live in Weston, is hardly surprising.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Online shopping is your friend.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Only once you've tried them on for fit.
Shoes are awkward. Especially for teenagers.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Teenagers are awkward. Shoes are shoes.
Plus you should have gone to Bristol to shop.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:10, Reply)

fine
I write you a nice story and you ignore it.

hmpf
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Sorry Captain. I missed it.
I'll read it NOW.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:13, Reply)

that's better

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:16, Reply)

It was a very good story.
Speaking of laughable fiction, the Daily Express this week is giving away vouchers for FREE GREGGS FOOD!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)

i am torn

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:16, Reply)

get one of teh kids to go and buy it for you.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:18, Reply)

Screw that.
Bristol is a festering pit of chavhood and pikeys. And don't get me started on Primark...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:13, Reply)

no it isn't.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:19, Reply)

When was the last time you were round broadmead?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Couple of weeks ago.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Teenage boys are just as bad
Round and round the same fucking shops. Every pair he liked were totally unsuitable and generally against school rules. He cannot have black trainers - school rules that I support. I will not pay £40 or more on a pair of fashionable shoes with a sole thinner than a page of the Daily Mail as they'll last two weeks and he'll have holes in them.

Add to all that the fact that the shoes have to be a size 11 and it makes for a fun day out. We did it on Wednesday and I've only just recovered.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Clarks desert boots for school init.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:07, Reply)

No boots allowed *sigh*
They have to wear smart shoes as if they were working in an office. We live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by fields - boots would be a sensible option but when have schools ever been sensible?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Clarks desert khans maybe?
They are suede though...
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:22, Reply)

What will the school do if your boy does wear the wrong shoes...
Put you in detention because you paid for them?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Yes.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:34, Reply)

That might be fun though.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:35, Reply)

A couple of hours of peace and quiet would be lovely! I'm happy to go into detention - so long as it's not like Cell Block H

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:38, Reply)

You might be scary enough to get to use the steam press.
Just like Bea Smith.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:41, Reply)

You tell the school that unless they are willing to subsidize the children's footwear, then they will go to school in whatever you can find to fit them in your price range.
Bloody cheek!
( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 18:50, Reply)

That does sound excellent.
mr b3th is a size 11, and I know how much fun we have trying to find that size anywhere - i imagine it's worse if you actually care what you look like.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Yep.
It's just as hard buying him clothes as he's tall and skinny for his age and most school trousers these days are designed for Lolfatties.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:18, Reply)

That's because most kids are lolfatties.
I have the opposite problem. Most clothes for grown ups are designed for skinny bitches, and lolfatties like me with big hefty guts are well out of it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:20, Reply)

when I was at school
there was nothing for lolfatties :( My dad made me a skirt, once I was such a bloater
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Oh damn, I can't compete with that =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:32, Reply)

Get him a pair of Doc Martins. They'll last a good couple of terms.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:09, Reply)

I would. He hates them. School also doesn't allow any type of boot.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Schools are fucking awkward.
If they're so bloody particular about what shoes they want, they should nominate a specific pair as uniform. Otherwise, you don't find out till you've already bought them that they're 'not regulation'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:17, Reply)

They should, it's not as if it's a new problem
I remember having all this arseache when I was at school too!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:19, Reply)

You had size 11 feet at school?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:20, Reply)

no
she's just a centipede
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Nooo! I have tiny size 6s
It's just my offspring who have ridiculously sized feet
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Catholic?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:25, Reply)

We'll have nun of that.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Yes
It's a very bad habit.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Of course.
The uniform nun (yes, we had one) was a nazi in a habit.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 17:36, Reply)

I have been learning to crochet.
I ache all over, but mostly my hands.
( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 18:45, Reply)

Is there a football match on? I can hear lots of shouting and cheering coming from somewhere.

( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 18:52, Reply)

Evening.
What did you opt for lunchtime?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:00, Reply)

Didn't go on the walk.
Sat in and did crocheting instead.
( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:07, Reply)

Rubbish.
I want to hear about your lunch. This message board needs more food based conversations. Especially where lunch is concerned.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:10, Reply)

Turkey sammiches and some of my home made cake.
Happy?
( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:12, Reply)

I'm always happy Blousie.
You know me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:14, Reply)

but crochet is what the cool kids are doing

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:12, Reply)

*checks with the cool kids*
Turns out you're right. They are either cocking about with crochet, or shoe shopping in Weston Super Mare.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:15, Reply)

If there'd been more crotchet facilities
All those riots wouldn't have happened.

It's the cuts, you know. They're cutting crotchet classes in the inner cities and stuff.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:19, Reply)

Alright TD.
How are things with you at the moment?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:19, Reply)

Mellow, Jeff. Just mellow.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:33, Reply)

Mellow is a nice place to be.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:39, Reply)

but does it have a pier?
We have a pier.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:43, Reply)

There's a canal down the hill
And a river.

Do they count?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:47, Reply)

No point being anywhere else
I have a job tomorrow for a client that hasn't paid their July bill yet, so tomorrow may be a very short, not very lucrative, ill tempered day.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:45, Reply)

I took The Boy on The Skyride! (google it cannot be arsed explaining)
We did the whole 7 miles, which is bloody impressive as he only learned to ride without stabilisers yesterday.

I am bloody knackered and on the bus home, hoping for an evening of mindless telly and an early night.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 18:56, Reply)

So it's fair to say he is a bit of an expert on two wheels now,

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:02, Reply)

He's good, no denying that
But not ready to ride in traffic, what ever he thinks. Too cocky by half that lad. Get's it from his mum no doubt, along with the looks.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:06, Reply)

Is this the point where you tell us that your boy is 19 years old.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:11, Reply)

8 going on 13

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:31, Reply)

it's lucky sunday, let's make some wishes
I wish I could fly
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:41, Reply)

Fuck off Orville. I'm not falling for that one.
*I hate that duck*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:42, Reply)

dirty monkey

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:53, Reply)

"I wish - I wish - I wish I didn't keep losing my birds"
I can't swim and this is where I'm going wrong.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:49, Reply)

*googles* what?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:54, Reply)

Jeff will come along in a minute and explain.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 19:55, Reply)

I remember that one : )

( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:10, Reply)

I remember TD.
It was a 'learn to swim PIF'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:34, Reply)

I was amused to read on here yesterday that the surname Kennedy means "ugly head".
At some point far back in the mists of time one bogtrotter turned to another bogtrotter and unleashed one of the most childish insults I've ever heard. Better yet, all this guy's descendants have been called Ugly Head across all of time and all over the world.

Top RL trolling, Bogtrotter 1.
( Kroney, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:26, Reply)

this is a good interesting fact.
have you more?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:33, Reply)

The Romans knew how to use steam to drive machines.
But didn't bother because slaves could do the work more cheaply.
( Kroney, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:44, Reply)

woah!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:45, Reply)

Oh man !
www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/3792109/Brother-and-sister-in-lift-sex.html
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:33, Reply)

I wonder how much change she gave him?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:36, Reply)

bert is not a good looking guy

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:38, Reply)

I never knew you had a brother!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:44, Reply)

oi!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:45, Reply)

I can't say I blame him.
She's a fox.
( Kroney, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 20:41, Reply)

I'm being reminded how much I liked Saxondale by seesaw.com
I'm guessing it sunk with out a trace are nobody seems to remember it. I wonder why it's about the only tolerable part of Steve Coogan's career, with the possible exception of early partridge, before it got shit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 21:06, Reply)

It's also rather like a documentary on Monty's future.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 4 Sep 2011, 21:08, Reply)

I don't remember Saxondale being the drugs fiend Monty is.

( girlinthehole, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 21:23, Reply)