I went to the butchers the other day, and bet him £50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:04, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What's the most popular motorway in the UK?
The M8
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I claim no responsibility for these:
I lost my first tooth in 1977 watching Star Wars and eating chocolate. It happened a long time ago, in a Galaxy far far away.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Jesus...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:09, Reply)

I stole a load of chocolate bars as a kid
The Police put a Bounty on my head
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:12, Reply)

When I went to school in France the older kids used to throw stock cubes at me
I was the victim of bouillon
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)

I went to the butcher the other day
and he was standing in front of the fire with his hands behind his back.

"Is that your Ayrshire bacon?" I asked.

"No, laddie" he replied, "A'm just warmin' ma honds".



he's Scottish, see
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Woman goes to a hair salon in Geordieland
"What can ah dee f' yee pet"? asks the hairdresser.

"I'd like a perm, please", comes the reply.

"Whey aye", the scissor monkey says. "Ah wandered lernley as a cloud..."
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Looks strangely familiar..

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Does it often go that way when you go to the hairdressers then?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I was referring to the fact that I posted it originally, way back in the mists of time
when all this were fields.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Yep, stole it from you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:46, Reply)

See also:
Geordie goes for his driving test. Meets his mate later in the pub, who asks "How man, Geordie, hoo did ye gerron wi ya drivin' test, like"?

"Ah failed" says Geordie.

"Ah man, what did ye fail on?"

"Ah hit a kerb", says Geordie.

"Man, that's wank, ye divven't get failed f' hittin' a kerb".

"Ye dee if it's berb a jerb week".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Hahaha!

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I had to translate that into Reg, just to understand it.
actually, more accurately Drunk Reg.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Drunk Reg is wonderful.
Especially when he kept going on about how young I looked.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Bless him.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I miss Reg, he was fun.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:38, Reply)

He's a good bloke.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 14:53, Reply)

And a surprisingly considerate lover.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)