Morning all
I'm in early today and I have to train 2 cunts in some stuff later on, despite pointing out to people I do not do training even if I am "really good at it" because I hate training (and to a lesser extent people in general). I'm trying to think of creative ways of fucking it up such that I'm not asked to do it again but don't actually get fired.

All suggestions gratefully received, if I use them and they work I'll buy you a pint at the bash.

Despite all this I am quite cheery, mostly because it's only 2 days to PierBash 2011, best of all the non-London bashs
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:01, 6 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Is train 2 cunts
a new sector, like business 2 business ?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:03, Reply)

If only.
One of them's OK, he's one of our cunts and will at least pretend to understand what I am telling him. The other one is someone else's and has a reputation for wrong-headed stupidity.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Black up before the training session?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I think, just think mind, that that might be grounds for summary dismissal.
this might violate the 'not getting fired' part of the plan. I did shave the sides of my head and re-dye my hair red last night, but experience has shown people are not put off by this.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Just be careful out here.
The chavs in Weston are not the most tolerant or cosmopolitan bunch. If you look even the tiniest bit individual, you WILL get stared at. And probably poked.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Foreplay in Weston sounds fun

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)

It's OK, I have left London before.
I know how Yokels act. I plan to scare them off which my shirt. if not I shall make fire and while they are distracted I'll make a fun for it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)

This is excellent tpying
*makes fun for it*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Curse my useless fingers/brain.
This is why I don't get on with Linux.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Surely a case of political correctness gone mad?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Can't you just drag it out
show them the same steps over and over again, no matter how stupid they are, treat them as if they are 10 degrees stupider than that so they get really frustrated.

And make sure it takes so long that they leave only half trained.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I suspect I may not have to try to do this.
Apparently the man has trouble telling a .jpg from a .png if I didn't know for a fact his name was not Martin (33 fudge analyst from Norwich) I'd suspect I was training Foxtrot.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Just do it,
then send an email to HR expaining how the extra responsibility of training falls outside your core duties and that your expectation is that it deserves a significant pay rise.
You wont get asked again.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)

"how to never progress in your chosen career, ever"
by Chompy
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I'm not the one trying to avoid new responsibilites, he is.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)

The Applerentice

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)

You missed Applebite defending you against swipe last night.
It was funny.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I saw, she told me briefly on fb.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)

You're supposed to be the one white knighting girls, Chompo
You lose some sweaty-virgin-internet points, I'm afraid.
( Kroney, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Does this mean we can't be friends anymore?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I'm willing to give you one more chance
but I want to hear no more tales of girls beating people up on the internet for you.
( Kroney, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

They covered each other in oil and everything.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Don't turn it into something it's not,
a 20 year old student legitimatley telling a 30 something year old lawyer to grow up. Is good enough as it is.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

granted
but your borderline encyclopedic knowledge of "how to get out of doing things at work smugly" allows me to run with this, I think you'll find
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I automate jobs and simplify processes smugly. I don't ignore my work.
It's constructive laziness.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I have no interest in Career progression.
I just want to earn enough to keep a roof over my head while doing work I don't hate.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Then you will be left behind, and soon you won't be enjoying any part of your job.
Unless you have galactic powers of I don't give a fuck, you will find yourself being managed by a cunt who can barely wipe his own arse, but knows how to get on with the bosses. I guarentee this will cause misery and stress.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

This has not happened thus far.
Apparently I'm just so fucking good at my job that even titting around on here for half the day still makes me good enough at it that people think well of me.

Either that or I'm just lucky, either way it works for me.

Frankly if this training shit (which isn't even vaguely close to my job description) keep coming up I shall move on.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Did this last time.
And frankly they couldn't pay me enough to do this shit. If it caries on much longer I'll have to look for another job.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Make a power point
Within 15 minutes, everyone will be asleep, and you can pop off to the pub and get lashed.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Do you think 'Training' is called training because you're really good at what you do and you lead other people down the same skill-path like a train going down the tracks?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)