Can't you people post things to keep me amused?
I'm stuck on a call and wanted something to read.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:13, 76 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

( . Y . )

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:16, Reply)

*sniggers*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:20, Reply)

I like owls

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:20, Reply)

( o Y o )
for those who prefer a fuller-nipped lady.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:21, Reply)

8=====) *- - - - ~~~o( {(o)} )

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:24, Reply)

8=====D - - -- -- ( . Y . )

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:29, Reply)

I should point out my drawing was not to scale, I do not have sperm almost as big as my penis. I like the difference between ")" and "D" though, shows my jewish roots.
Can you imagine what it would be like if your sperm was the size of your penis though? I wonder who discovered the sperm, as in, who first put it through a microscope, they probably got the shock of their lives. I'm now going to google to see when we discovered the sperm.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:48, Reply)

Your balls would be the size of space hoppers.
I don't think the species would have survived Gonz.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:06, Reply)

Nononono, I mean, so you just have the one or two, but they're big. I donno if that would feel better or worst.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:26, Reply)

Fuck that Gonz, you'd still pass out in pain trying to cum something that size.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:27, Reply)

It might feel alright like when you get a multi-roper.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:52, Reply)

what is that?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:53, Reply)

You know when it doesn't all come out in one big consistnatly-powered go.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:01, Reply)

No Gonz, it'd feel like you were ejaculating a penis sized spunk.
So it'd stretch you all to fuck and probably break it. Unless you're into right kinky shit, I can't see it being fun.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:04, Reply)

peperami nips

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:25, Reply)

wank like you've never wanked before.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:21, Reply)

Because I've only had soup all weekend, and 'cus I'm supposed to be going out tonight, and I can't be arsed cooking, I decided to get a chinese.
I got a Cantonise C, which is a half special rice and any main dish, but what main dish did I go for I hear you not ask? I went for Salt'n'Pepper Been Curd. That's right. I'm eating tofu. And I got a blackbean sauce to to wettern it, 'cus I didn't fancy a sweet sauce and wanted something different. And you know what? It's fucking lush, it's a new favorite of mine. I'm also not in as much horrific agonsing pain anymore, now I'm just in a little bit of pain and nawshous and have actual exorsion (rather than feeling a bit tired), so hopefully tomo I'll be much better still and then wensday I'll be perfectly fine.

It's been too long since I've been on a rollercoster, I'm determind to go to a place that has a rollercoaster next year.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:23, Reply)

You could go to WsM
And have b3th show you the attractions.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:25, Reply)

Do you reckon we could do that thing on the crazy golf course like in the films, where I put my hand on her hips and have sex with her?
.... wait, no, not have sex with her, show her how to swing, that's it. Show her how to swing, can I show b3th how to swing?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:28, Reply)

After the last round of golf
I'm sure she'd take any help offered.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:31, Reply)

Oh good, thank you for letting me know that b3th would let me teach her how to swing so my balls get closer to the hole than should I not help her.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:53, Reply)

Amberl might want you to coach her as well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:06, Reply)

Although Blousie got a hole in one.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:06, Reply)

Will yous stop being so grim

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:09, Reply)

Blousie did get a hole in one.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:09, Reply)

Do we get a discount for getting a threesome worth of swinging clubs rather than a normal couple?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:12, Reply)

I don't know.
You'd have to negotiate with the person in the little kiosk.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:14, Reply)

Do they charge by the round or the hour? What happens if we can fit two rounds in a hour and five minutes?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:19, Reply)

We played a single round.
I don't know if you can play by the hour.

To be honest, it wasn't the best crazy golf course I've been to. You could probably find a better one if you tried.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:25, Reply)

I can't believe b3th never took us here
www.weston-super-mare.com/Jill_Dandos_Garden
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:26, Reply)

I hate playing a single 'round in a swinger's club, seems you might as well stay at home.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:27, Reply)

Hey Gonz.
This site has details of the prices on it!

hamandeggerfiles.blogspot.com/2011/07/fellas-crazy-golf-in-weston-super-mare.html

And if you damage one of their golf 'sticks' it'll cost you a fiver.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:29, Reply)

OMG OMG OMG OMG
www.dinosaursafari.co.uk/web/guest/find-us

This is two bus rides away from my new place.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:50, Reply)

He couldn't find a better playing companion, though.
I'm back from Liverpool. I still have all the wheels on my car, which is a bonus.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:27, Reply)

Yay!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:29, Reply)

Did you miss me?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:32, Reply)

Err, yeah.
Deffo.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:34, Reply)

Well
That's alright then.
I'll ignore the thinly veiled sarcasm.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:38, Reply)

b3th
Next time we PIER BASH can you take us to this other crazy-golf course in WsM?

hamandeggerfiles.blogspot.com/search/label/Weston-Super-Mare

It looks better than the one we used.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:40, Reply)

It's a bit of a walk
but I'm sure we could manage it.

So, will you be up for another PIERBASH next year?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:45, Reply)

Probably.
Although I'm going to call drinks on the Cider Boat too. Maybe you should head into Bristol?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:46, Reply)

I could possibly manage that
with enough advance notice and a tail wind.

I assume they serve something other than cider as well?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:50, Reply)

Probably.
Saying that, there are other nice pubs available close to the apple boat.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:53, Reply)

I do like to be awkward.
I really don't like cider. Even apple juice.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:56, Reply)

We've got crazy golf in Bristol too.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:57, Reply)

I think we should go to that big laserquest thing off Broadmead.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:59, Reply)

I don't think it's there anymore.
www.junglerumble.co.uk/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:00, Reply)

What about the one at Long Ashton, next to the flyover?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:01, Reply)

It's now flats.
That got knocked down about 4 years ago.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:01, Reply)

Maybe they'd let us in for a cup of tea

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:02, Reply)

That looks fun, I'd be up for that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:51, Reply)

You've come to the wrong place for amusement, DESPAIR DEAR READER AND FUCK OFF FROM WHENCE YOU CAME

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:40, Reply)

ibeen edumecated by blaireau69

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:40, Reply)

A site that generates techno based on words you enter
techno-is-the-word.appspot.com/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:54, Reply)

that is shit.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:05, Reply)

It's not very good Lighty.
Although I got bonus karma for being the first person to use the word 'JeffTheDogFucker'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:05, Reply)

I got bonus karma for using the word 'bumming'.
EDIT: And on the plus side it made me go and listen to some proper techno on spotify.

This tune: www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7kuaZZkCA4

But pitched up a bit, from a Dave Clarke live DJ set.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:11, Reply)

How come the staff in Lush in Portsmouth are so nice?
Customer service in the UK is supposed to be the shittest in the world. Especially in the slums.
I'm baffled.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:56, Reply)

They're probably all Polish and haven't been told they need to be shit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:05, Reply)

Didn't sound it.
Completly threw me.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:19, Reply)

Yeah' man, I found the same thing in the one in covent garden, she was rediculously nice...
... she held my bag and walked me around all the products she thought I'd like, so I kept on going "Yup, yup, yup" until I spent like £50 when I wasn't even going to walk in the store 'till I went pass. I asked her if she was on anything and she gave her colleguge a knowing-smile and said "Yeah', it's the fumes" or something like that. I'd totally go out with a lush member of staff, I reckon they'd be amazing in bed.

And the first one I ever went into, years ago, the girl asked me if I would like a hug.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:24, Reply)

The fumes fuck with their minds

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:24, Reply)

I was going to link you to a hilarious thread on a Fulham board.
Which was full of people moaning about "the idiots that now follow our football club abroad", but it's been deleted.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:31, Reply)

Did the pushing of a car into a canal make the list of things that are wrong?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:35, Reply)

Not yet.
We're going to post as a man who travelled to the game in a hired van with his family only to find it at the bottom of a canal the next day, along with other things that ruined his trip, but it's best to do it during office hours for maximum wind up potential.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:39, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 19:41, Reply)

Hello dickheads

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Hello

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:56, Reply)

alright?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Yes.
Yes I am.
I'm fucking knackered though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:00, Reply)

Another taxing day on Internet messageboards, I'd be surprised if you ever get the housework done at all!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:05, Reply)

What do you mean?
I haven't been here for days.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:09, Reply)

Why is lingerie so expensive b3th?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:09, Reply)

Extra gusset for mucky birds

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:12, Reply)

So I'm guessing your bird don't wipe up too good

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:13, Reply)

Depends what it's for.
Underwear for functionality and comfort is not too bad. If you want it for tittilation and sexytime purposes, it does tend to be expensive.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:27, Reply)